Would it be unfair on my eldest if I had a third baby?

[Thirdchild88]

I had DD1 at 30, DD2 at 34. It was quite a big gap as we wanted to save money and buy a house before having a second DC.

I thought I'd be done at two but now we really would like a third DC. However, due to my age I wouldn't want to wait as long as last time, I'd probably want to have another one within the next eighteen months or so, maybe around the time DD2 turns two.

DH thinks this would be ok but I'm a bit worried about my older child. Would she feel left out, being quite a lot older than her younger siblings?

I know that it can be really difficult to plan these things and I'm probably massively overthinking it when there are no guarantees I would get pregnant quickly anyway. But can't help worrying about this.

There’s a five year gap between my eldest and middle child and only a 22 month gap between middle and youngest.

She adores her sisters and never feels left out.

People aren't necessarily closest to their nearest sibling in age,
My dad is the youngest of three, he and the eldest are still really close because they were both really sporty, and they both worked together as ski coaches/technicians.
The middle brother was a bit left out as he was quieter and not sporty.

My DS1 is 4 and has a 5m old brother and keeps asking me when he's getting a new one because he wants 2 babies!

So basically I think your worry might not be a big thing to worry about long term

Shes only 4 years older than her younger sibling, and potentially 6 years older than the new baby. That's a pretty normal age gap, i think you're worrying about nothing with that so maybe there's something else that's bothering you?

She will only feel left out if you let her. Grab a hold of the book 'siblings without rivalry ' to manage the relationships.
It's also about each childs personality.

Honestly, you won't know as all siblings are different. My eldest has probably never really forgiven me for having two others but she's not typical I'm sure. Equally, had she been an only child or only had one sibling, I'm sure she would have complained about that too!

My girls are 17, 12 and 7. So big gaps. The 17 and 7 year old are very close but the 17 and 12 year old clash constantly and the two youngest can get along but do argue. I think you won't know until you try. If I could do it again id have them closer in age cos there's a lot of things they are too old for or too young for so can be awkward

I have a sister who is 2.5 years younger than me and another nearly ten years younger. I have always gotten on with my youngest sister best out of the two. I also have a brother who is 5 years younger than me and we get on great.

I think you have quite an average age gap between your kids. If I have another there will be around 6 years between the baby and my eldest (if I fall pregnant soon). Are you worried about the lack of time you would get to spend with your eldest rather than the age gap? I know that is a concern for me as my dd would be starting primary school and I worry about her having lots of changes in her life at the same time.

I have three DC, the oldest and youngest get on really well (boy and girl).

I had mine at 30, 32 and 36 so almost exactly the timeframe you'd be looking at.

Go for it

My partner had 2 children when we met who were quite little, 3 & 6, we decided to have a baby and now they are 8 & 11 and you couldn't get more helpful and excited boys. They fully understood a baby was coming, they changed nappies, fed him, bathed him, fought over who pushed him. I think we just had to find the balance that we still need to do older things, we used to go the skate parks and swimming etc a lot with them and then it all became baby baby baby. My partner also has a brother who is 12 years younger than him and now they are grown up there is no difference. Do what makes you happy x

That's not an especially big age gap. I thought you were going to say your eldest was much older, maybe a teenager

They wont know any different, and they will all be their own people. Theres a big age gap between me and my DB, and we aren't close, but it's not because of our age its because hes a bit of a knob we're very different people

12 years between my eldest and youngest and 7 years between middle and youngest, who is a baby. The elder 2 adore him.

I thought you were going to be talking about a really big gap. There’s 3y 3m between my first two, and 3y 9m between DC2 and DC3. So 7 years between DC1 and DC3. It’s fine. They are 12 and 5 now, they aren’t best mates but they have a perfectly pleasant relationship.

Don’t over think it. It’s not a crazy age gap. I know a few people with much bigger gaps and it works. I know people with smaller age gaps and it works. Whatever you decide it will be just their family.

I think you’re overthinking it. 6 years is a very typical age gap between the oldest and youngest of 3 siblings. Even 8 years is fine.

Once the oldest is 10+ I think it could cause problems with the spread of ages/interests/needs but even then families make it work.

I have 13 year gap between my 1st and 2nd baby! Then only 18 months between 2nd and 3rd.

Eldest is now 15, my little boy is 2 and my little girl 8 months.
She was jealous with my little boy but understandable as she had had me to herself for 13 years and And before I met my now husband it had just been me and her for a long time. She now adores her little brother, and he loves her. I mean she winds him up terrible but she also plays with him and always cuddling him.
She doesn't really like the baby stage so she still Not overly interested in her little sister but it will come in time.

There's a seven year difference between me and my brother and we have always got along like a house on fire. It'll be okay!

I don’t think she’d be left out necessarily, that depends on personality as much as age gap.

The downside for her will be more that family days out, holidays etc will be geared to the younger ones’ needs - and the third baby will extend that for another few years - so ideally you would try to ensure you have her one on one sometimes to do some more grown up activities that her siblings aren’t ready for yet.

I have a less than 2 year gap between my two. I’m thinking of another but my youngest will be 3.5-4 and I’m worried this one will be left out.
I think we are overthinking it & it will be fine. I’m hoping none of them get left out though!

6 year age gap is still really small. If anything, it’ll be the baby constantly trying to catch up with both older siblings rather than the older one feeling left out.

There is 7 years between me and my youngest sister and 18 months between me and my other sister. Never got on with my sister closest in age. Much better relationship with younger sister.

It's not up to your child of you have another. I have 12 years between my 2. I didnt consult my child before I got pregnant.

There’s 14 years between my eldest and youngest and he doesn’t feel left out! In fact he’s very protective of his sibling!

12 years between my eldest and second and then three and a half between second and third. No problems and eldest who was 16 when youngest was born is terribly fond of them and they him.

there's 17 months between my first 2, then 6.5 years between my 2nd and 3rd, they get on well in any combination, they also moan and bicker in any combination , if you want a 3rd go for it, dc 1 will be fine