Would it be unfair on my eldest if I had a third baby?

[Thirdchild88]

I had DD1 at 30, DD2 at 34. It was quite a big gap as we wanted to save money and buy a house before having a second DC.

I thought I'd be done at two but now we really would like a third DC. However, due to my age I wouldn't want to wait as long as last time, I'd probably want to have another one within the next eighteen months or so, maybe around the time DD2 turns two.

DH thinks this would be ok but I'm a bit worried about my older child. Would she feel left out, being quite a lot older than her younger siblings?

I know that it can be really difficult to plan these things and I'm probably massively overthinking it when there are no guarantees I would get pregnant quickly anyway. But can't help worrying about this.

Ok, thanks so much everyone! I guess I really am overthinking it a bit

Maybe I just know too many people with 2 year age gaps, I have 3 years 8 months between my two DDs but i guess that's really not so big.

Any age over the age of 8 is really embarrassing for your parents to have another baby. However any age younger than 8 is fine.

Why do you actually need a third child, OP? It’s the worst thing you could do in terms of carbon emissions and overpopulation. We already need two and a half planet Earths to provide enough resources for everyone to have an average western lifestyle. With two children, you are already at replacement level- any more are adding 58.6 tonnes of carbon equivalent emissions per year, fuelling climate change. We should be trying to lower global population rather than increasing it further. Couldn’t you be happy with the two you already have?

With two children, you are already at replacement level

You do realise this is a population-level thing, so some people have zero children and others have one, two or more, to achieve replacement?

My mum is the oldest of three girls. 6 years older than the youngest. And it's those two who have always been the closest.

My sister has 5 yrs then 20 months between her 3. During one of her maternity leaves she was able to negotiate that the eldest was "educated off site" on Fridays, and used that as a day for outings (in London so zoos, museums etc) that they wouldn't normally have time for. It worked so well they hoped to continue it but the school's head changed and so did their policies.

There was a time when the middle one constantly assumed that she could keep up with the eldest and do whatever her sister was doing, so actually the youngest coming along so soon helped enormously, once she was old enough to be of some interest to the middle sister!

I can think of two ways the eldest has turned having much younger sisters to her own advantage - one by running birthday parties (with a friend, they started this age 11 or 12 I think!), and currently she's babysitting a friend of her youngest sister and that friend's younger sibling(s), in the gulf that opened up this term for kids who should have been sitting their GCSEs.

I think go with what-will-be-will-be, if your overall circumstances permit. I would have loved 3 or 4 but wasn't ever in a realistic position to consider number three. It's taken well into my forties to accept that though!

Jeez, I think your way overthinking this one.

There’s a 29 year age gap between the oldest and youngest in my family. They all get on well.

Thanks! I feel so much better about it Guess I was overthinking it a bit. Good to hear all the experiences!

As an eldest child I would say as an adult I get on best with the middle and youngest. Oldest to youngest age gap is 11 years. Growing up you play with who's available. The only thing you have to promise is that if you set an age rule eg only allowed pierced ears in secondary you stick to it! Drove me mad as a teen that the things of had to wait for my younger siblings got earlier and as a matter of course