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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Thinking about getting a radar key

113 replies

Woodlandtree · 08/07/2020 09:35

DD(19) has had a difficult few weeks. When opening her bowels she passes blood, has diarrhoea and often has a great urgency to go. DD is waiting to see a specialist and until then isn’t receiving any treatment.

Would I be unreasonable to get DD a radar key in case there are queues to the toilet when we are out (she rarely goes out as she’s worried she will need the toilet)? Or are the disabled toilets not for those with conditions like DD? DD would be mortified if challenged so I want to see what the general opinion is.

OP posts:

Livpool · 09/07/2020 07:54

Definitely get one - anyone who would begrudge your daughter are idiots

sashh · 09/07/2020 07:57

I was going to suggest the can't wait card but I see a PP has already suggested it.

Disabled toilets sometimes have queues where the ordinary ones don't, particularly if the ordinary toilet is on a different floor.

UmbrellaHat · 09/07/2020 09:14

Of course she needs one. She had a debilitating condition that is preventing her from going out.

CaffiSaliMali · 09/07/2020 09:45

Absolutely get her a key. Disabled toilets aren't solely for people who physically need the extra space. People may need them for all sorts of reasons - learning disability, because they need someone else in the cubicle to help them, bladder or bowel issues, mobility issues - a lot of regular toilets are upstairs so people who will struggle on the stairs may need a downstairs disabled loo.

Disabled toilets should always have baby changing facilities, young children can be disabled, also parents may be disabled. If I had a baby I would struggle to bend down on the floor to change them.

However, the normal ladies and gents loos should also have baby changing facilities too where there is space for them.

Fantasmic143 · 09/07/2020 09:54

My DH has bladder cancer - he got a key, as well as the 'can't wait' card (a plastic one) from Macmillan. He will probably always have bladder issues so he will continue to use it if needed. And ignore the judgemental people. He would definitely rather not need to have a key!

BoatyKarenMcKarenface · 09/07/2020 10:02

I've never needed to purchase a radar key in order to use the changing facilities for a child's nappy. Either the staff open the door, it's unlocked, I used the one in the toilets, or I took a fold up mat and used that. Bizarre (and entitled) that people think they should have one just for this purpose. The sense of self entitlement is similar to the males who think they should have unrestricted access to the women's toilets.

Shalliornot · 09/07/2020 10:04

I have UC and a radar key, It was horrible prediagnosis but is under control now. I think that most people respond well to medication. Chrons and Colitis UK are very good if you need information (my consultant referred me straight to them) Good luck to your daughter

Shalliornot · 09/07/2020 10:05

Crohns! Sorry, can’t spell today!

iffymiffy · 09/07/2020 10:37

@Whywhywhy321 to be fair I’ve almost never had to wait to use a disabled toilet so I don’t think it’s especially widespread.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 09/07/2020 11:07

@Igotthemheavyboobs of course the pp should use the baby changing facilities in a disabled loo if that's what they're there for. I've done the same with my DCs, it's obvious and logical, even if it is annoying for those with disabilities that mean they need the toilet in a rush.

Her point was that she went and bought a radar key so she could always access them - and I do think that's not right. On the relatively rare occasions that they're locked, you can find a staff member as you're supposed to. It's hard enough to find disabled loos without a ton of other people getting unnecessary radar keys too.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/07/2020 12:02

Buy an official one from disability rights, sometimes copies do not work.

They aren't expensive. I've just asked DH what he paid and it was only about £3.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/07/2020 12:04

Bizarre (and entitled) that people think they should have one just for this purpose. The sense of self entitlement is similar to the males who think they should have unrestricted access to the women's toilets.

I agree.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/07/2020 12:05

I've done the same with my DCs, it's obvious and logical, even if it is annoying for those with disabilities that mean they need the toilet in a rush.

Annoying?

It can be more than annoying! It can be humiliating and degrading.

huuunderickssss · 09/07/2020 12:06

You can buy them on eBay or amazon ... nothing to stop you . Be warned though disabled toilets are often grim ! My son has sn and I avoid at all costs !

NotShiny · 09/07/2020 14:39

I used my radar key today (hidden disability). There was a council worker there who had opened the door with his radar key for an old lady who was queuing at the normal toilets. She wouldnt go in the disabled one. He said to her "it will save you 30p, I've opened it for you".
She still wouldnt go in. I needed that toilet so walked past her and said "if you dont want it, I will use it. The man let the door shut in my face. So I used my key. As I used it the woman said "it's a radar key". Apparently the man pulled a right face at me after I'd gone in. He'd obviously not been trained in hidden disabilities.

StormBaby · 09/07/2020 14:42

My DH is physically disabled and we have a child with SEN, but the main reason we got one was for my DHs IBS. We bought it on ebay.

WiddlinDiddlin · 09/07/2020 14:47

Get one, your daughter has a legitimate reason for needing one.

Be aware however, that the queue for the disabled toilet may appear shorter, however users are likely to be in the toilet much longer!

Also, many places that fit a RADAR lock, will fit them incorrectly in such a way as it allows someone ELSE with a key to open it whilst it is occupied.

Hopeislost · 09/07/2020 14:51

I am not disabled but I have a radar key as I have bowel issues. I was given the key by an IBS support group. I've only used it a couple of times when I would have literally shit myself otherwise.

Baby changing facilities is a whole other issue. My dh has been stuck before when out with the baby and the only changing facilities are in the ladies toilets!

Gingernaut · 09/07/2020 14:53

I got mine from a disability aids shop that sold me my orthortic shoes.

I haven't had to use it, but it's there if I do need to.

They can be bought online from Amazon or ebay, unfortunately.

Topseyt · 09/07/2020 15:13

Get her one. She has legitimate reasons for needing it, although she might have to develop a thick skin for those who judge her for "not looking disabled" when she emerges.

I don't know why some people seem to expect that every medical problem can be seen.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/07/2020 15:26

Especially one relating to the digestive or urinary tracts Topsey.

SauvignonBlanketyBlank · 09/07/2020 15:27

She genuinely needs it unlike my mil who has got one cut "so she doesn't have to trek to the main ones"

wildthingsinthenight · 09/07/2020 15:30

OP your daughter should have a key.
I had one for similar issues.
People should not just buy one so they don't have to queue though!

zingally · 09/07/2020 15:56

I don't see a problem with it. In my opinion, a disabled toilet is for anyone who feels they would benefit for one.

Not for me to judge.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 09/07/2020 23:37

@SchadenfreudePersonified
Annoying? It can be more than annoying! It can be humiliating and degrading.

I think you haven't read my earlier post. I was the one who said it was shameful that a pp had bought a radar key to get access to locked disabled toilets when she had a baby, using the specific example of a time that and older relative I was caring for lost bowel control while waiting for a family.taking a ridiculous amount of time in a disabled loo.

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