School neighbour/mum ignoring me

[feb14]

1st post so hope I'm doing this correctly. But i just wanted some views. With the current pandemic were in I told my neighbour who we also walk to school with as the kids are in same class that I no longer want to walk to school with her so we can stick to social distancing rules and it doesn't confuse the kids who have to social distance at school in their bubbles. Anyway she said she was fine about it....but I don't know since we've been back it seems to me like she's being very abrupt and ignoring me she will say hello after ive said it and then turn her back to me.. She's now very pally with another mum and most days i see them stood next to each other not even obeying the distancing rules which pisses me right off but most of the parents dont seem to keep the distance either. It's really starting to get to me and I now really detest the school drop off and pick ups

I think she is doing what you asked her to do and staying away, but it sounds like she's taken your request to heart a bit. Are you on friendly enough terms to have a chat, from a social distance, or send her a message saying something like it's a shame that you can't walk to school together at the moment but you're looking forward to doing it when the social distancing measures are relaxed? See how she responds?

You are overly investing in this. You said you wanted to social distance from her, she obliged, but now you’re watching her form another friendship with another mum, and you don’t like it. Whether she follows social distancing rules or not is not for you to police. She clearly doesn’t meet your standards of behaviour, so you’re probably best off out of the friendship tbh.

also apparenlty my kids upset hers but we resolved it...
This sort of thing is usually child related ie. They are upset that your child upset their child. So maybe either your child has upset their child again or she's still annoyed about the first time

To be honest it would upset me if you’d have said that and make me confused as to what exactly you want. I take social distancing seriously and would have walked whilst social distancing.

She's moved on what did you expect her to do ?

Walking in the outdoors at two metre distance wouldn't have been a contravention of the guidance or undermined social distancing. School-age children should be able to understand. Knowing all of this she has probably assumed that you were using SD as an excuse to distance yourself from her.

I don't get why you couldn't walk to school with her 🤷‍♀️ you would be outside and you could easily social distance. I don't think walking together would confuse your DC either, they're seeing eachother in school aren't they? They have to socially distance there so why couldn't they on the walk to school? I'm sorry but I think your friend is doing what you ask by keeping away from you.

Also it depends how you asked.

"I don't want us to walk together any more" vs "I'm a bit worried about how we and the kids can walk to school and still socially distance - do you mind if we walk separately for a little while?"

People only tend to get offended about something like this is the communication has been abrupt, or they've felt that the speaker doesn't trust them.

She probably took it personally. I would be abit taken aback if my friend I walk with said it. But I get it. But we can walk a meter apart easily and hold our kids hands and chat so I wouldn't see the point in avoiding her.

I think with us slowly getting back to normal we have to start mixing a little. Outdoors is the perfect place to do it. The fact your kids are going into school anyway near people.

I can kind of see why she felt abit snubbed. She probably found it abit tricky to tell her child.

But I understand where you were coming from too. It's easier sometimes anyway to walk alone. I tend to walk home and to collect by child with my friend (before lockdown) but I walked alone to school in the morning as I never knew exactly when we could leave. How far is the walk?

Send her a message. Ask her if she is upset. Explain you felt anxious about the new rules and things. Perhaps consider walking with her and ask? Like I say just hold your child's hand and keep a little apart.

Sounds like she is doing what you asked. You asked her not to walk with you to school. She says hello and keeps her distance. How did you think she was going to continue to talk with you by telling her not to walk with you? I've been on socially distanced walks, it's fine to chat outside from1 meter away. I think perhaps you've been a little bit ott about this, and may have offended her.

She's just doing what you asked.

I've never had to do the school run until now - my child always went to breakfast club and afterschool club. Bloody hell the whole thing is so political and silly, it's like being back at secondary school with the looks and the cliques. I have people to walk with now (who I didn't know before, so I guess that's been a small benefit of lockdown), and we all play in the park, but aagh, the forced conversations I have to have with people I don't want to talk with. The amount of time I have to spend just hovering around the trees in the park while the kids play. I don't like it much, I'll be glad to get back to 'normal'.

Your decision to walk to school by yourself was yours to make and is completely fine, that’s what you wanted to do.

She knows that you’ve done this because you want to ‘stay safe’ and you want your child to see by following your example that people shouldn’t be unnecessarily socialising.

You can’t also expect her to chat to her at school. Directly contradicting what you’ve already told her.

She is of course, allowed to talk to anyone she likes at school.

Have you said anything to her directly or on social media that Shows your disapproval of others who are ‘not even obeying the social distancing rules’ as this may have annoyed her.

I think she's just taken it very seriously

I do the school walk with another Mum, someone who I really value as a friend. Shes much more worried about the situation than I am - I'm not blase, but I don't panic if someone comes too close briefly etc, whereas she does. She has barely left the house since March, hasnt visited a shop etc. Thats up to her, I respect her wishes and just give her plenty of space whilst we're out. Our children are in the same bubble at school and they don't SD there, but she wants them to on the school walk and thats ok to me

She may have assumed you felt she was putting your family at risk in a slightly patronising way. You’re not wrong for wanting to stop walking alongside them, but she may have taken it personal. Perhaps just check on her or pop a note through her door. I’m sure once this is all over you can go back to walking together again, if not then she’s in the wrong for ‘punishing’ you for wanting to protect yourselves.