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Original poster

To Quit My Job Because he's TOO MUCH

44 replies

grace1989x · 07/07/2020 22:57

I joined a team at management level but have found that my manager is a micromanaging, knit picking, essay email sending, control freak.

I'm 9 months into the role and tried my best to deal with his ways but now that I've experienced panic attacks and sever anxiety at work I had to quit via email yesterday.

But guess what instead of accepting my resignation (after I explicitly asked to only be contacted via email due to my state) he's blown up my phone with calls and written a two page email saying I can stay and my resignation was out of the blue!

I kept to the facts in my resignation saying the role was not what expected and my mental health has suffered and I'm grateful for the opportunity.

But at this point I just want to rip into the company ethos and his managing style and inform him exactly why I quit & that I have emails and texts from other team members complaining about him.

Should I keep it professional or tell the truth?

Because I have no desire to go back to that job ever again! It's not worth it all.

OP posts:
Love51 · 07/07/2020 23:00

Write the truth one and a professional one. Send the truth one to yourself / a close friend / post it here. Send the professional one to the boss.
Never burn bridges professionally. You end up coming across people again - not necessarily this guy but perhaps someone else in the organisation and you'll feel better if you've behaved impeccably.

Ponoka7 · 07/07/2020 23:01

I would have discussed what I wasn't happy with. I've found that most controlling people don't actually realise how bad they are and it takes having it out with them.

Or have you already done that?

sleighride5 · 07/07/2020 23:02

Hi OP, is there a HR/upper management team you can make a report to? Giving examples where you have them. I think it's only fair you give your side of the issue, maybe someone can deal with your concerns and hopefully fix the problem. BUT I wouldn't go so far as to say that other team members feel the same...maybe hint at it...this is your fight not theirs.

Original poster
grace1989x · 07/07/2020 23:04

@Love51

Write the truth one and a professional one. Send the truth one to yourself / a close friend / post it here. Send the professional one to the boss. Never burn bridges professionally. You end up coming across people again - not necessarily this guy but perhaps someone else in the organisation and you'll feel better if you've behaved impeccably.
Definitely that's what I want to do but I feel like he will keep calling or keep trying to convince me to stay, this was a hard decision but I was so drained & sick.

I think he's worried because I was well liked and performed well he's worried this a reflection on his management style and it honestly is!

OP posts:
rosiejaune · 07/07/2020 23:05

I'd be honest but not in a ranty way. Maybe write the rant and then refine it so it says the same things but in a non-emotional way.

Original poster
grace1989x · 07/07/2020 23:05

@Ponoka7

I would have discussed what I wasn't happy with. I've found that most controlling people don't actually realise how bad they are and it takes having it out with them.

Or have you already done that?

I mentioned my query stress in all out catch up 1-1 sessions so it's logged. But I think your right he thought I was coping
OP posts:
Original poster
grace1989x · 07/07/2020 23:07

@rosiejaune

I'd be honest but not in a ranty way. Maybe write the rant and then refine it so it says the same things but in a non-emotional way.
What if I pick up the call and telll him directly? Cause he called me over 6 times after I explicitly asked to be contacted via rank only.

For me that's confrontational

OP posts:
KeepWashingThoseHands · 07/07/2020 23:07

I know what you're saying. Telling the truth has several shades of grey and depends how much this person is connected and influences your future opportunities.

Be true to yourself without shooting yourself in both kneecaps.

PurplePansy05 · 07/07/2020 23:07

OP, you don't want him to take revenge and badmouth you. Don't go back to him spilling everything out. I would report your issues in a professional way to HR instead, if you can. Raise it as a concern for those who still work with him. I would not go back and I understand that's your decision too.

Also do not disclose to anyone what your colleagues told you in confidence about him, that's not ok without their consent.

KeepWashingThoseHands · 07/07/2020 23:08

I know what you're saying. Telling the truth has several shades of grey and depends how much this person is connected and influences your future opportunities.

Be true to yourself without shooting yourself in both kneecaps.

Original poster
grace1989x · 07/07/2020 23:11

@PurplePansy05 that was my concern so I've tried to keep it professional and focus on my issues rather than him.

I just feel he's always going to be like this, the staff currently under him have 2, 3 years of his nonsense

OP posts:
workercovid · 07/07/2020 23:12

It's possible to remain professional and tell the truth.

Original poster
grace1989x · 07/07/2020 23:12

@KeepWashingThoseHands thank you, that's so true, the end goal is to leave and not burn bridges even though I have the matches in my hand.......

OP posts:
ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 07/07/2020 23:13

You've already quit. You owe him nothing, and it won't do anyone any good to have a confrontation.

Stick to email, as you requested, work your notice period, and then you can walk out with your head held high, and move on.

Original poster
grace1989x · 07/07/2020 23:14

@workercovid not really only because the truth is harsh and maybe I was too fake in my 1-1s only because I didn't want to rock the boat.

He treated me like he did the 2,3 years plus staff, it wasn't personal but it wasn't right!

OP posts:
DPotter · 07/07/2020 23:14

Is it a company with an HR department ? If so and if they are reasonable, might be worth dropping them a line and
a) asking them to tell him to stop contacting you
b) give them a high level explanation of the reason for you leaving, ie the micro management

I resigned from a very part-time job as they were always expecting me to attending meetings on a day I didn't work for them (a Wednesday as if happens) and had another commitment which earned me more money than they would ever pay. I was invited in to discuss my resignation to see if they could adapt anything to change my mind. Yes, you've guessed they suggested meeting on a Wednesday. I just laughed.

Original poster
grace1989x · 07/07/2020 23:16

@ArchbishopOfBanterbury I've basically asked not to work my work period as I know it would be toxic environment.

I'm happy not to use them as a reference if anything new comes my way. I just can't go back the thought makes me so scared

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 07/07/2020 23:16

do you have to work your notice? dont say anything too bad if so

Original poster
grace1989x · 07/07/2020 23:18

@DPotter wow! It's like they never realised they were wrong!

Definitely I think that's what I need to do as I have to arrange getting my personal stuff in the office with HR.

OP posts:
Original poster
grace1989x · 07/07/2020 23:19

@GabsAlot I don't think I can work my notice with him, he's not someone who would let me do so quietly. I'm scared he will only treat me worse

OP posts:
PurplePansy05 · 07/07/2020 23:20

@grace1989x I get that. I think you're absolutely entitled to feel the way you do and also to be concerned about others. He should also get what he deserves. But the important thing is that you look after yourself by not engaging directly with him and by sticking to your principles. You probably hate a lot of things about him, but telling him off directly won't make you feel better long term and it will cause you stress. It wouldn't be professional either.

Report your concerns via the right channels. Leave this job but remain respected by everyone. This will only help you.

I understand you can't go after the business for constructive dismissal but if you think you have any other claims against it then you might want to take legal advice first before doing anything.

DPotter · 07/07/2020 23:21

I know - definitely not hearing or listening. After I'd stopped laughing and explained why, I literally heard the penny drop.

If they make it awkward about not working your notice - head straight to your GP and get signed off for stress.

GabsAlot · 07/07/2020 23:23

well i think you shuld inform hr then because you'll be expected to work out your notice i should think

StuffThem · 07/07/2020 23:24

You've definitely made the right decision. I left a job working for a bullying boss and I'm so bloody grateful I did.

I agree with the poster who says it is possible to be professional and to tell the truth. I sent my resignation over his head to the MD and gave factual examples for the reason I was leaving.

MumW · 07/07/2020 23:24

I would email him again reiterating that, due to your severe anxiety, you've asked him to communicate via email and that you expect him to respect your privacy and to stop bombarding you with phone calls. CC HR and/or his boss.

That way, you've remained professional but have made it clear to all concerned that his behaviour is inappropriate.

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