To Quit My Job Because he's TOO MUCH

[grace1989x]

I joined a team at management level but have found that my manager is a micromanaging, knit picking, essay email sending, control freak.

I'm 9 months into the role and tried my best to deal with his ways but now that I've experienced panic attacks and sever anxiety at work I had to quit via email yesterday.

But guess what instead of accepting my resignation (after I explicitly asked to only be contacted via email due to my state) he's blown up my phone with calls and written a two page email saying I can stay and my resignation was out of the blue!

I kept to the facts in my resignation saying the role was not what expected and my mental health has suffered and I'm grateful for the opportunity.

But at this point I just want to rip into the company ethos and his managing style and inform him exactly why I quit & that I have emails and texts from other team members complaining about him.

Should I keep it professional or tell the truth?

Because I have no desire to go back to that job ever again! It's not worth it all.

@PurplePansy05 what your saying makes sense and in line with my original concerns.

I think I do need legal advice at the beginning of Covid I called crying because my 2 year old was also now home and I was struggling to work 9 to 5 and manage him. He told me try log in evenings and weekends and come 6 weeks in I was logged in working 9 to 5 and catching up weekends and evenings when my toddler was sleeping. I asked if I could work shifts he said no and when my toddler had a cold he told me to take it off as annual leave

@DPotter I'm already on meds for that so I definitely will

I would tell him the truth just say his management style has become too much for you and making your job untenable. I think if you point it out and he can change then it’s all good? Maybe he’s completely oblivious and needs it pointing out.

@StuffThem well done!! I didn't even think of that because I had a great rapport with the executive staff who always said call if there are any issues

@MumW definitely because it's so bad I've put my phone on flight mode since because I don't want to have a confrontation

I'd be getting advice as to whether he potentially discriminated against you first, there could be various grounds. Have a look at ACAS first maybe, this should give you a bit of a steer.

You could always write to them afterwards, whenever you felt it would work for you.

What's your situation regarding a reference?

@PurplePansy05

I'd be getting advice as to whether he potentially discriminated against you first, there could be various grounds. Have a look at ACAS first maybe, this should give you a bit of a steer.

Thank you, I will look Maybe that's another reason he's offering so much to reinstate me

I don't know at this point I know I can't use them however I don't want them to try sue me for not working my 3 month resignation period.

3 months with mental health no way

There may be options to negotiate payment in lieu of notice, it might even already be in your contract. It sounds to me you definitely need a lawyer.

ACAS should give you some advice and you could also try Citizens Advice. You've nothing to lose by ringing and they may be able to recommend a suitable solicitor.

If they insist you work your notice, maybe your GP would sign you off.

I know posters are trying to be really supportive to you, but, as you aren't a new office junior - as you said in your first sentence "I joined a team at management level", I can't understand why you didn't arrange a meeting and discuss the issues, very early on. Log things from the beginning. Talk to HR is nothing changed after you have tried to professionally discuss issues with him. Politely and professionally put things in writing from the start, about what you'd like to discuss / how the job role wasn't allowing you to do the job you'd been appointed to do.

People have said "What good would it do to challenge him now" - well, hopefully a tremendous amount of good. You said he is managing other people too. Presumably someone will be recruited into your role if you leave. If your predecessor had tackled the issue, then you wouldn't be in the place you are now. As pps have said, he might not have any idea how he comes across - your 'micro-managing and controlling' might be his 'making time for grace and being helpful'. He needs to know, and his managers need to know. If your employers are big enough to have an HR department, then They need to know. Otherwise it just looks like you weren't up to the job. Surely for your own self respect you don't want to leave it like that, even if you don't feel it is "your fight" to stand up for other employees ?
I'm not talking about now, when he's driven you to the edge, I'm talking about 8 months ago when it was apparent his micromanaging was difficult ?

If you leave without telling some version of the truth they may make their own narrative up, which might be worse than the truth. I would tell a sanitised version of the truth.

@grace1989x

I joined a team at management level but have found that my manager is a micromanaging, knit picking, essay email sending, control freak.

I'm 9 months into the role and tried my best to deal with his ways but now that I've experienced panic attacks and sever anxiety at work I had to quit via email yesterday.

But guess what instead of accepting my resignation (after I explicitly asked to only be contacted via email due to my state) he's blown up my phone with calls and written a two page email saying I can stay and my resignation was out of the blue!

I kept to the facts in my resignation saying the role was not what expected and my mental health has suffered and I'm grateful for the opportunity.

But at this point I just want to rip into the company ethos and his managing style and inform him exactly why I quit & that I have emails and texts from other team members complaining about him.

Should I keep it professional or tell the truth?

Because I have no desire to go back to that job ever again! It's not worth it all.

I think he is gaslighting you. He makes little of you so you feel threatened and want to leave but at the same time he relies upon your work input while at the same time wants you to feel you need him ; since if you leave it will show him up for being the inadequate soul he is.

How to deal with it ? Know you are better at your job than he is at his, and stop letting him affect you

I wouldn't go in with all guns blazing because you'll just leave everyone with a bad taste in their mouths. A former colleague did that with a manager who drove both me and her away. Even though she reported the problems to HR, who then reported it to senior management, nothing changed. Chances are HR/upper management will know of your manager's shortcomings (especially if staff turnover is high) but they can't be bothered/don't know how to address it.

I think your best chance is talking to your manager, but framing your problems in less accusatory terms. For example, don't say 'You micro-manage too much', say 'I've struggled to thrive in an environment where I don't have autonomy over my work or the freedom to make decisions without being questioned'.

Don't burn your bridges because you have to look over your shoulder to throw the match.

Fuck him. Fuck HR. Fuck the company. It's their ball and their game - they can play it without you. Fuck the lot of them.

Look forwards. Don't give them any more of your energy.

You can tell the truth in a way that doesn't necessarily sound like you are blaming individuals in particular. @TaleOfTheContinents has used an excellent example. You can also say that it has been a personality clash.

Unfortunately in my current job, one of my colleagues consistently interfers with others work and attempts to micro manage them, even though they are not a manager. I am ready to leave because of them. I have raised the issue with management and been told iti is just how they are.

Sorry you are in such a stressful situation caused by microman.

Can you write it all out, right from the start. swear rant and be as unprofessional as you like.

Then read It out loud many times.
,In front of a mirror,
pull the faces put on the angry voices, Stamp your feet wave your arms around wildly, Chuck unbreakable items that give a satisfying thud.

Then do a factual professional one. Send that version.

I’d advise you
either being alone for this, or with a trusted other.

@Disquieted1 is totally right

I'm a v snr director and report to the CEO (of a large company). I have a lot of political capital, not someone you would describe as overly aggressive but am no wall flower. I hate to say this but would still consider myself bullied on occasion as sadly that is the culture of some people in the organisation. HR and CEO know what is happening but are concerned with other things or it's too much trouble to address as it's WWIII to resolve.

I'm saying this as dont kid yourself you raising with them will make a difference as they likely already know - which tells you something.

I would absolutely have a case - where does that get me? The minute I make it formal there is no going back and results in me leaving one way or another or a black mark in the industry through word of mouth. When it's formal you're just stating you want a bigger settlement. Snr management is all politics and the concept of employee rights are laughable.

OP despite what I've posted I have a strong sense of what is right and wrong but I also know about self preservation, both mentally and in the future. I have an exit strategy, it's not to change the world in one go but do the best for myself whilst causing some damage to the bully.

My advise is if you want to go for a settlement go for it, just don't do anything that will jeopardise you future prospects as they already know what this dick is like and haven't addressed. That is all you need to know in this situation to decide your next step.

HR work for the company not you.