To feel in complete denial about the passage of time?

[FloralLove]

Does anyone else find themselves feeling completely in denial about the passage of time? I really struggle in being present and I feel like life is just passing me by. I feel like I barely connect with what day of the week it is, let alone month, season, year, etc. I struggle with accepting what stage of life and age I am at. I am in my mid 20s and I feel like it is something I need to rapidly get my head around before more of life passes me by.

I feel like deep down I feel like I will get a second chance at everything. I know that is wrong but I cannot shake that belief and it is affecting the way I treat my days, weeks, months and years.

I read a book and it mentioned death anxiety and one of the ways it manifests is with the belief that "so long as I do not enter the game, the clock has not begun to tick" (Nathaniel Branden, Honoring the Self, p.193). I feel like that is how I treat my life. I haven't let myself "start" it yet even though it already has started and is going by without me. I find it strange that some milestones/seasons of life have already gone by for me - being at school, being at university, graduating. It feels like those were just practice runs when that obviously isn't the case. I have felt like this for as long as I can remember. I remember being 10 and thinking I would never go to secondary school, I would just start back at reception and go through primary school again.

Does anyone else feel like this? Also I want to apologise in advance for coming across as naive and for taking time for granted. I know it is silly and foolish and that is why I am trying to process why I am like this so I can make a change.

I get it op. I am nearly my mid 30s and feel like I havent achieved anything.

I didn't get married until I was 31 and only just had children so feel like my actual life has only just started but in reality I have already used up potentially half of my life!

I try to focus on the things I have done, places I have been, people i have met but some of that I am forgetting. Makes me tempted to write memoirs although to anyone else they would be dull

Fuck
You've just described how I feel better than I ever could
I'm actually seeing a therapist at the moment for a few things and this sort of stuff comes up a lot and is something I'm trying to deal with

You are not alone
And it's good to know I'm not alone in thinking this either!!
Xx

I totally get you OP. I'm 27, I was thinking exactly the same as you, life didn't seem real in a sense and I was just floating along as life passed me by.

Then, during lockdown I started thinking about my life more. I realised how many milestones have passed, and how I'm not getting any younger. I've overhauled my lifestyle, started dieting, lost a ton of weight, starting wearing the fashion I want to, and I'm going to take a more proactive approach to life and making sure I make the most of absolutely everything and making sure I am the best version of myself possible.

Also
Ok just re read and I didnt get the feeling at school
But now I just can't deal with the fact that my chance to do certain things is over
I will never be 21 again
And I will never have a newborn again

Time passing is such a strange thing
I feel like my life is like a sand timer and I can literally see the kids growing before my eyes and I want to stop it and slow it down but I the days are so long and hard that I barely can take it all in??
Rambling now but some things in your post really resonate with me

Also
Ok just re read and I didnt get the feeling at school
But now I just can't deal with the fact that my chance to do certain things is over
I will never be 21 again
And I will never have a newborn again

Time passing is such a strange thing
I feel like my life is like a sand timer and I can literally see the kids growing before my eyes and I want to stop it and slow it down but I the days are so long and hard that I barely can take it all in??
Rambling now but some things in your post really resonate with me

Also
Ok just re read and I didnt get the feeling at school
But now I just can't deal with the fact that my chance to do certain things is over
I will never be 21 again
And I will never have a newborn again

Time passing is such a strange thing
I feel like my life is like a sand timer and I can literally see the kids growing before my eyes and I want to stop it and slow it down but I the days are so long and hard that I barely can take it all in??
Rambling now but some things in your post really resonate with me

Very interesting post!
I have often felt that I’m just practicing for real life that may start sometime.

Balls didn't mean to post so many times
Past my bedtime it seems 🙈

Yes. I do know what you mean.

My problem is rather that I feel as though I have already completed my life, but there’s potentially rather a lot of it left seeing as I’m 41 and perfectly healthy.

I ‘fast tracked’ - got married, had children and DH diagnosed and died of cancer - all done and dusted by 37. I’ve got a degree, got a decent job, did up a house, completed a marriage ‘til death us do part’, had kids.

Currently too worn out through working with the children at home to figure out where I go from here. Really, I just want to be with my husband, who has gone, but also my kids, who are here. Right now I’m in stasis, and it doesn’t feel good.

I'm over 50 and have this worry that life is not a rehearsal and yet that is how I have pottered through it so far...
I am not in denial of time going by but of perhaps wasting it and continuing to do so....

That's so strange OP, I had an earth-shattering moment just last night where I sat up in bed and realised I've been on this Earth for almost 35 years. I'm potentially halfway though life already. I'm married and have two lovely children but have achieved very little else.

If I'm honest, I feel like I've spent my entire life waiting for my 'real' life to begin.

Yes, I feel like life passes me by but I'm not really living it and enjoying it the way I should. I think about dying a lot and the thought terrifies me, but never did when I was younger, this is a new thing. I also feel as though things will never end. I never thought school would end, it's been 14 years since I left and I don't feel like it was that long ago. That scares me, that 14 years can go buy in a flash.

I've spent a few minutes trying to understand but I just don't get it. Probably akin to explaining 'purple' to someone who is completely colour blind.

Do you feel that you are not in control of your life? A bystander observing your life unfold? Flotsam carried on a wave?

When I was younger I felt like I floated through life doing all the things you are supposed to do but sort of felt like I had a supporting role in my own story. As I approached forty my attitude started shifting, I realised you should never be supporting actress in your own story, this was my life to live. I started caring less about what was expected of me, saying no to things I didn’t want to do, taking pleasure in small things, just enjoying life more. You can’t go back but you can make positive choices for the future with the benefit of past experience.

I only had this thought today, it's very surreal to see it written down!

Wow I feel like this too. Thought I was going mad! So relieved to see I'm not the only one.

I think you are very aware and wise to think about this how in your mid 20s. I'm 40 now and I had this moment last year after a failed procedure on my heart. I woke up in bits because as soon as I opened my eyes I knew I had been waiting to start my life. Almost that life hadn't felt real and in was waiting for permission to start it.

This is really interesting. I get alarmed by how quickly life passes, the days weeks years thing you mention really resonates with me.

However, I almost feel a bit opposite to you when you mention you struggle with being in the present?

For me, it's kind of like I'm too engrossed in the present moment and then get taken by surprise when suddenly find that a year has passed

I feel dismayed if I think of how much time has elapsed and how behind schedule I am, but can't understand the feeling you describe of this experience of life being a practise run and that you will get a second chance - that is utterly fascinating.

Can you explain that more?

All the stuff you've done with your life to date - did you enjoy it? Like you mention uni, were you keen to go and how did you find it?

I think I have the opposite problem, I live very much in the moment, and so if the moment is happy, that's great, but if it isn't, I find it hard to remember what it's like to be happy, I hate being ill for this reason, I feel like I'm going to be stuck in it forever. I realised I don't think the same as others as they often talk about past times, whereas I would never think about the past if left to my own devices, it feels like it happened to someone else and only the me now is the real one. So, the opposite I guess!

So interesting to have insight into your thinking- it's made me think as well!

I know what you mean OP, it’s easy to think you have lots of time, you’re still young etc etc and the majority of us ignore the quotes of ‘live in the moment’ and so on. I’m mid 30s and still struggle to live for the moment. I end up with a lot of regrets from not enjoying the present, then long for the past.
All I can say is just enjoy anything you do, good or bad, take it as a lesson as it’ll lead you to the next part of your life. The eye opener for me is hearing about elderly people on their death beds talking about things they’d wished they’d done or not done, it hits home when you realise today could be your last day and we all just take life for granted, Life does get in the way and we are generally busier these days. I find it harder that my children are growing so fast and end up wishing I could go back and relive it no matter how much I enjoy the moment.

I am so relieved that other people feel like this! I have never spoken about this in real life as it is kind of difficult to explain.

@Theresapossibility I feel the same. I also have quite a bad memory so I feel like that may contribute. I might start a journal as it might be helpful to process and record things rather than letting them slip by.

@bronzedgodesswannabe I am glad I am not the only one with thoughts like this. I relate to you not being able to accept some things cannot be experienced again. I know logically they won't happen again but there is just this belief that they will and it affects the way I treat my life.

@bakereld Thank you for your reply, I found it really inspiring. I think maybe I could shake myself out of this by making some changes like the kind you listed. I think taking a proactive approach to life is exactly what I need to try and do as I think I have been drifting up until now.

@Sally2791 @DinkyDaisy I am glad others have this feeling of this life being a rehearsal. I wish I could change that core belief.

@tunnocksreturns2019 I am so sorry for your loss.

@namechangetheworld I also can't believe how many years I have been alive. It makes me realise how short life is. But then I look at childhood photos and I realise that that was a long time ago which kind of validates that I have been alive for over 20 years. However at the same time I kind of feel disconnected from those childhood photographs and don't really recognise them as 'me'.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion Yes, I feel like I am kind of drifting through life so maybe that contributes to this feeling. I also cannot believe things like school are over. I feel like I never really accepted or processed transitions in life like graduation days and leavers' assemblies.

@Disquieted1 @AbsentmindedWoman It is really hard to explain. To me my life feels like when you quickly skim read an article, not really taking it in but having the fullest intention of going back to the beginning and reading it slowly and properly taking it all in. However whilst skimming the article if you stopped mid-way through and had to describe what you had read so far you probably wouldn't be able to give a very detailed explanation. An example is my university graduation day. Several things went wrong with the day and I remember several times just thinking to myself "it's ok, next time it will be better". But obviously there won't be a 'next time' that day is gone. I feel like I am not 'done' with things, there is no closure.

@AbsentmindedWoman I have enjoyed everything I have done with my life so far but I feel like I just kind of coasted and was lucky that everything happened the way it did. However I guess I never really embraced things like my 18th birthday or my first night at university or other important moments because at the back of my mind I felt like I would do them over and over again.

@2toe There definitely seems to be a link between this kind of feeling and feeling quite passive in my life. I will try and work on how to be more active and purposeful. Thank you for your reply.

@anditgoeson That made me tear up, I definitely relate to feeling like I'm waiting for permission to start my life.

@Ishihtzuknot Thank you for your reply and advice, it really put things into perspective.

This also resonates with me. Not really the feeling like life is a practise run but the bit about the passing of time. I get scared / feel very melancholy if I sit and think about how quickly my life has gone by so far (I'm 38). I had my third child 7 months ago and it scares me how quickly that time has gone by, also she will be my last child and I am still struggling to accept I wont ever be handed a newborn again. I hate the thought that my parents are getting older. I very much struggle to be 'in the moment' (as my mum often tells me to be) because I worry constantly about how quickly time will go by from this point forward... which sounds mental when I re-read it but it's how I feel. I have wondered if I would benefit from some sort of therapy too x

Yes, christ, yes.

The feeling that it's a rehearsal, yes. And the difficulty in grasping time.

Did something significant happen, a trauma perhaps, suddenly and unexpectedly to set you off on a different track, one that you never thought you'd be on? I think that's what happened with me, when I try to trace the root of the feeling.

It's almost impossible to describe, but you've done it better than I could.

I also feel like I'm surrounded by lots of thin little doors, and if I worked out how to slide between them, I could access all the bits of my life again, see the DC at all the stages.

And that I skim over the surface of life, even the things I enjoy and have been looking forward to, without truly getting stuck in and sucking everything I can out of my experiences