to think some of us enjoyed lockdown because

[beatrixpotterspencil]

we realised there was more to life than social obligations and work?

for clarification, this isn't neccesarily how I see it, but I have been reading a discussion about it and wanted to hear what others thought. I'm on the fence, personally

less pollution, less commuting, bosses not hanging over your head, less exhaustion, less of the treadmill lifestyle, less social posturing, less consuming crap we don't need, etc.

and more time with loved ones (only for some though), more time to read, learn, explore, self improvement, choosing own hours, working to own rhythm, etc.

this is a theoretic question really, about what we really want, and what has lockdown done to change how you perceive your life?
would a life without work be better, more humane?
the dole sure isn't fun, nor should it be considered a choice, and there's no other way to survive unless very well off.

(wish to add here that I know millions have not had the luxury of enjoying the lockdown, many have not altered their working life, and many are ill, afraid of redundancy, homelessness, anxious... and worse, those who have passed away).

It's been nice having OH working at home and not having to do school/nursery runs. Lack of time to enjoy lockdown relaxation as kids v young. Feel permanently exhausted!

I'm sue people who have had months of being paid not to work have enjoyed it immensely.

It's been pretty shit for us tbh. Two adults trying to work from home full time in very busy stressful jobs with zero access to childcare or school have been stressful and exhausting.
And until recently no socialising with friends at the weekend which is vital for my mental health.

Thankfully, we get on brilliantly so have supported each other and have facilitated down time where possible. Now we can see friends in person to socialise things seem a little brighter too.

It made me appreciate the importance of a home. Somewhere you feel completely safe and at ease.

It's also made me realise how much I spent on total crap. Since this started, beyond bills and food, I've literally bought two books and a new frying pan! I was buying so much crap I didn't really need, or want.

I also haven't bought any clothes at all this year, and I've barely given it a thought.

For me it's been very mixed. DH has worked throughout (not key worker, so just normal hours) and I was at home for about 10 weeks. Been back at work for about a month now though on very limited hours.

I've loved huge parts of it - DH and I have had much more quality time together. I've lost weight and started exercising more. I'm much more content and far less stressed and our house looks a lot better! I've also enjoyed being able to spend time with the dog without rushing to work or drop him at in-laws etc.

But parts of it has been tough. It did get boring being stuck doing the same things all the time. I missed my parents - I've been seeing my mum weekly for a while but I've not seen my dad sine January as he's super-paranoid about catching COVID. Now we can see other people more, I've seen my in-laws and such which has been nice - it was also great on Monday to have lunch out - like a bit of normality had resumed at last!

Overall I think it was very beneficial to me, but I've always struggled with my MH so having time out to just "be" was great.

Enjoying not having the pressures of socialising.

I live alone but I have (generally) loved lockdown. Getting my place straight, going long walks down country lanes, time to reassess "me". I have been furloughed so paid money and not working....it would certainly have been different if I'd been trying to wfh and juggle children, for instance.

But now I would like to get back to 'normal'. I don't really want to make an appointment before I drop into the local eatery and I wish I could go swimming or skating or for a spa day. And I wish the local coffee morning/evening class or garden fete were able to go ahead. So it's not all good....

@IrmaFayLear

But surely even the most introverted introvert at one point in their life interacted with other people or else how would they have found a partner ?

Do they see a future where everyone is computer-assigned a life partner or just someone with whom to mate? Perhaps no mating at all, and a woman receives sperm (online delivery) so no need for any “close contact”.

Do these introverts relish a socialising -free future for their dcs? Perhaps they welcome the idea of having 37-year-olds sitting in their bedrooms so they’re still just a “close happy little family”.

Yes, of course we did. We’re all told from a very young age that it is a good thing to be sociable, that one should strive to be popular, that ‘playing nicely with others’ is a sign of being well-adjusted and - in our extrovert-driven society - is an essential skill if you want to be successful in any area of life. I socialised a lot when I was younger, because I cared what people thought of me and believed I had to. But I found it stressful and difficult and invariably drank too much.

Now I am older, wiser (in some respects) and care much less about what people think. So I spend my time in ways that make me feel good - running, swimming, writing, reading, studying, hanging out with my cats, dog and partner. I work freelance so never have to go into an office which I found utterly draining. Luckily my partner has never had any interest in ‘couple shit’, so he has his own interests and social life entirely independently of me (though he’s not wildly sociable himself).

I have close friends and family who I make the effort to see from time to time, but over the years I have grown closer to friends who are similar to me - my two ‘best’ friends I probably see once a year, if that, though we are in almost daily contact via text.

I have absolutely no desire to remake the world to create an introverts’ utopia, but I think a lot of people would be a lot happier and more fulfilled if there was more widespread recognition that not everybody finds lots of interaction to be a positive thing. For instance, my last employer put all staff through the full Myers-Briggs process, then worked with those of us that demonstrated strongly introverted preferences to help us develop a working environment that suited us. Which was great!

It has definitely been easier for some than others for sure. I wonder if it's an introvert and extravert thing, as we are a family of people who definitely lean towards being introverts so we have been fine with being at home and staying away from other people on the whole. I know other people who have been climbing the walls at home and are desperate to socialise. I have found that I don't at all miss socialising but I do miss going out and about without the worry of getting close to other people or touching things.

Which is easy to say when you have 1 DC!

True, but when posters post on MN agonising whether to go for a third or fourth child they don’t seem to take this into account.

I agree that there is a certain sneering undercurrent at those who like, nay, need to go out and be with people.

There is isn’t there. The introverts seem to think that there is something wrong with being extrovert, and that it is a failing not to be insular and self sufficient.

but working in an office can also be fun if you are young: it can be sociable and of course “socialises” a person as well. Are the young doomed to live isolated lives at their computers in the future?

I agree. We had two new starters last week. I wonder if they will ever get to meet any of us. The rest of us have worked together for years and have built up a rapport. I don’t see how this can happen on Teams quite so well.

I would say also that the introverts going on about how they feel vindicated are missing the huge impact on children of not being able to socialise, which is one of the most important considerations in their education

I agree

I like social obligations and going to work too, I haven't hated lockdown but that's because I have a network of friends locally that I have seen throughout (even in the strict lockdown days I would bump into them out dogwalking, at the allotment etc and stop for a chat).

I worry about young people if this becomes more of a norm. One of my teen DC has very happily settled into life at home, barely seen any friends, just reads all the time she's not doing school work. She's fine like this now, we are a happy family etc. If this carries on long term how is she ever going to form a family of her own if she never goes out and meets anyone? OK she may be happy living on her own, working from home, she may not want children. But what when she wants to go to the cinema, or would like to go out for a meal? Will she have friends to call? What if she has an emergency and needs help and DH and I are not around? If we continue with this lockdown lifestyle it's going to become harder and harder for the next generation to form friendships and relationships and we do all need those to a greater or lesser extent.

Living with young adults whose lives have been stopped has been really hard. watching them get depressed, mental health crisis at A + E walking on eggshells, seeing those you love feel in despair with no hope - not fun
2 FT key worker jobs which have been busy and pressured.
never able to stay on top of mountains of household chores
on plus side have learnt some new recipies, did a little knitting, we have eaten well, learnt some new card games and the dogs have been well walked!. lockdown has hit everyone differently

But, MadCatLady, you have proved my point! When you were younger you went out, made friends, met a partner. Now you are older you like to stay at home.

Can’t you see that a life of lockdown discriminates against those who have not yet achieved a state of domestic comfort and harmony?

As a single mum, this has been my only chance to be a sahm since the split 9 years ago.
My ds is happy and is becoming more confident every day. Being furloughed, I’ve had time with him.
He now has the confidence & fitness to cycle to the next village, so he is more independent. His mates are within his reach.
I’ve spent 30 years focusing on work through an absolute fear of not being able to pay the bills. I’ve discovered that we can survive on half my salary without the sky falling in. I can take a job on lower stress/lower pay (might have to ).

Well said IrmaFayLear.

This is a lonely time for many of our young people.

I don't think anyone is arguing that lockdown and coronavirus is a good thing, they are just commenting on the parts of it that have not been a hardship for them, and have shown them some things that actually improve their life.
It's not wrong to look for the positives in a bad situation.

I'm an introvert, but fir some reason I feel really bad when I hear if my friends doing stuff I'm not doing. If they asked me to come I wouldn't want to, but when I'm always the one at home and they are going away weekends etc I feel boring and I think I should be doing that.
But then I remembered they have high earning dhs and I font and that's why they are always away at weekends etc.
So I guess I enjoyed the peace if lock down as no one was away as I didn't need to feel bad..

I agree that there are always winners. Fil had a brilliant WW2. He had an abusive home life and had to leave school at 13 to work in a shoemender’s. At 17 he joined the Navy and went to Africa, India, Australia and the South Sea Islands. (Never saw any action!) He met mil, a Wren, and was, er, dragged, into the middle classes. No War, and he would have lived his life working in the equivalent of Timpson’s and supporting a deadbeat mother and siblings.

What I fear about Coronavirus is it’s future impact: the destruction of shops, no office life, no city centres... just us all living in isolated little units.

I have to disagree on a point, the only “sneering” I have seen on threads like this is from the extroverts towards introverts. Saying things like “it’s not healthy” or it’s “sad” to not want to be out socialising. Or things like “I want to be out living life instead of just existing” as if staying at home isn’t living life.

A pp mentioned adult DC of introverts being condemned to being alone in their rooms at 30! My DC are both introverts but they both socialise an “acceptable” amount. But they don’t get cabin fever if they don’t go out. They just participate only in things they really want to do.

Why can’t we just accept that we’re all different? If I want to spend my days alone reading and crafting. That’s not sad or unhealthy. Not if it makes me happy. Why is going out to the gym or a cafe “living life” anymore so than doing home pursuits instead? Likewise if people want to be out doing things then great, good for them (once they can again!). Let’s just accept we all enjoy different things and neither is better or worse than the other. It’s just different.

@Meruem

I have to disagree on a point, the only “sneering” I have seen on threads like this is from the extroverts towards introverts. Saying things like “it’s not healthy” or it’s “sad” to not want to be out socialising. Or things like “I want to be out living life instead of just existing” as if staying at home isn’t living life.

A pp mentioned adult DC of introverts being condemned to being alone in their rooms at 30! My DC are both introverts but they both socialise an “acceptable” amount. But they don’t get cabin fever if they don’t go out. They just participate only in things they really want to do.

Why can’t we just accept that we’re all different? If I want to spend my days alone reading and crafting. That’s not sad or unhealthy. Not if it makes me happy. Why is going out to the gym or a cafe “living life” anymore so than doing home pursuits instead? Likewise if people want to be out doing things then great, good for them (once they can again!). Let’s just accept we all enjoy different things and neither is better or worse than the other. It’s just different.

Hear hear!

I can't ever see a future where we don't mix. Young people won't stand for that. My 22 year old told me he's going on holidays and to pubs and beer gardens as soon as he can. Young people will mix no matter what and who can blame them.

Hated it. No work, no money, still not back to work (my sector is still closed), in the early days only being able to leave the house once when I run as well as have a dog. I live alone which is usually fine but during lockdown I went days sometimes without speaking to anyone and have had some dark days indeed. Feel a bit better now but still worried about money and work.

@speakout

Much of my life has remained unchanged during lockdown, I already live a life that fit with my needs and values.

I am an happy introvert, I don't accept social engegements unless I want to.
I rarely shop- can't stand all the consumerism, shops full of crap I don't need.
I work from home anyway, I run a small creative business from home, I get paid to play.
I had already prioritised self improvement for many years, walks in the forest, exercise, yoga.

My lockdown life started 10 years ago!!

you sound somewhat like me, although if your business is small I imagine you wither own your own home or have a supportive partner.

I made similar choices, but I rent. A passive income, creative work.
it isn't always easy!

although if your business is small I imagine you wither own your own home or have a supportive partner.

I'm not sure what that means- wither at home?

Yes a small business, but I earn twice what my OH earns- he works full time in a good IT job.

As I sell online my main struggle is keeping up with orders at the moment! Sales are astronomical.

[quote ResumetonormalASAP]@beatrixpotterspencil
You say we realised there was more to life than social obligations and work?

You do realise that some people enjoy social experiences and don't see them as 'obligations', some people also actually anjoy their work too.

We are all different. I have found that lots of more introverted people have really enjoyed the less interactions, that's great. Some have enjoyed the no commute to work, some enjoyed furlough and spent lots of time with family etc.... brilliant.

Others hated the experienced and want to see work colleagues, family and friends and need social 'obligations'.

Great for those that enjoyed lockdown and they can take that and perhaps change their life, others struggled some massively to the point of suicide. I lost a family member to suicide during lockdown - it is awful. I didn't lose anyone or know anybody that died of the virus during the whole pandemic.... we all have different experiences.[/quote]
I was quoting those words, they are generalisations of how 'people' felt about lockdown.
they are not my personal opinion.

I'm sorry for your loss, that must be the hardest possible thing to endure at such a time as this.

@speakout

although if your business is small I imagine you wither own your own home or have a supportive partner.

I'm not sure what that means- wither at home?

Yes a small business, but I earn twice what my OH earns- he works full time in a good IT job.

As I sell online my main struggle is keeping up with orders at the moment! Sales are astronomical.

it could even be a ..... typo!

either

from your comment you reminded me of myself, I do apologise, I am just a touch less awesome than you as my income does fluctuate and I am not married.