for not talking to my friend over her actions during virus

[maggieryan]

In March when the world and his sister knew to stay at home and keep teenagers indoors, my friend was letting her 14 year old son out to play football with 3 others, she said a woman approached them telling them they were wrong to be out, and her son "quire rightly" said they are allowed out in groups of 4, which they were. I told her he shouldnt really be out, and i can understand the womans fustrations, if hes out playing that means every other kid will think its okay to be out and the whole thing is keep indoors. She said when the government tell me to stay indoors i will do so. I said just because the government havent put us in lockdwon they were asking us to stay at home, especially teenagers, its common sense. She disagreed.. I now find it so hard to talk to her, i know her since we were kids, but just found that attitude so arrogrant. She has tried to make contact wiht me and i have to be honest, i have brushed her off. I hate losing her friendship in one way but it still bugging me. So am i right or wrong or was she right? Tell me honestly. I can take it :)

If you’re talking about the kids playing out after lockdown commenced on the 23rd March then she was wrong; everyone should have been indoors.

She did what she thought was right at the time, regardless of whether it was or not.
The issue here is why does it still matter all these months later?

We can't really judge others like this OP, especially friends.
Are there other reasons why you are reluctant to have contact with her?

Seems a bit out of proportion - not criticising you, just don't really understand why you can't move on.

You sound hard work.

Doesn’t seem much of a reason on its own to end a friendship, but go ahead if you feel it’s right

I honestly think your attitude us arrogant OP. Why are you wanting to stop talking to this person just because she has a different opinion to yours.
Its not your business, let her do what she thinks is right and you do the same As previous poster said "You are hard work". I would not bother with you. You are too opinionated

I agree with you, I think it shows a disregard for other people. It has made me weigh up whether a few people I know have any care for how their actions affect other people.

I think that most of us are feeling upset, and on edge, what with global pandemic and lockdown, a recession looming, that is only going to be exacerbated by brexit.

I think it's meaning that people are quick to anger, and to offence, to look for the worst in others and their actions.

I'd be asking myself, OP, what good does it do to dwell on this and hold a grudge. Maybe just keep your distance for a while, and let ill feeling die down, rather than doing anything a little bit hasty that you might later, in hindsight, with some distance from recent events, come to regret?

I don't understand... she let her teen play with their friends before we locked down on the 23rd of March or after?

If it was before then I see no issue.

So, this was before lockdown? Her son would have been at school with his friends with absolutely no restrictions on them, and you're cross that he played football outdoors with them outside of school? That seems like an overreaction.
Plus, you've said that she said that once we were put into lockdown she'd comply? I can't see what she's done wrong here.
The woman who told her son he shouldn't be out sounds annoying. Why wasn't she at home if she was going to get arsey about it.

I wouldn't have sacrificed a nice friendship for that.

Is there some sort of backstory or other issues with her? If not I think it's a bit ott to be annoyed about it still (if at all), especially if it was before lockdown?!

I think shes had a lucky escape.

Btw what do you mean by 'especially teenagers'?

You don’t have to justify ending a friendship. It’s not like making a business plan or forming a partnership - you don’t need to convince anyone or draw up a legal agreement. If you don’t want to speak to her, don’t.

It sounds like this occurred before the 23rd March? In which case, YABU. And being a dick to your friend. We were being told to be socially distant, playing no-contact football is going to meet social distancing guidelines for 99% of the time and for the 1% of time it doesn’t, they’re outside so less risk of transmission.

Why is it especially teenagers? Surely they understand social distancing more than small children.

I can't see why it still matters and is worth wrecking a long term friendship over. You didn't follow her lead. You did your thing and she did hers.

She may have been wrong at the time, but it should be in the past now.

I stuck to the lockdown rules, if that is your gripe. My elderly parents also got seriously ill during lockdown and I couldn't go and see them. I am lucky that they have survived it and that I still have them to go and visit. It was agonising all around. That has coloured my view of lockdown really, and I now literally couldn't give a shit how other people interpreted it or obeyed it (or didn't).

She was a bit silly for letting her teen out with others when on lockdown but you're really going to throw a lifelong friendship away over a bit of silliness?

Sounds like you need to chill out a little

Also yes, it’s a really petty thing to fall out over.

My friend is shielding but sent her child (SN) to school for the structure. I disagree that she should have done that and is putting herself at risk, especially when she had to do the school drop off. But it’s not my situation, it’s hers and she can do what is best for her. It makes me a shitty friend to ignore all her calls for 4 months because she dared do something different than me. My ego isn’t that big.

Catch yourself on, OP. Yes, it’s irritating when people seem to act irresponsibly during this time, when you’re being careful, but is it really worth losing your friendship over?

I've said a few times during this that people need to be careful as others will have long memories but in all honesty OP I was referring to people like you not your friend.

Whether I agree with her decision or not your palpable vitriol comes across clearly. End the friendship if you choose but do so in the knowledge that your behaviour is as concerning just in a different way. One of the things that has come out of this is the level of control and judgement some people jumped to use on others.

If this was before lockdown she wasn't flouting rules but making her own risk assessment. Prior to lockdown it wasn't clear in what would happen. People made mistakes. To me it is far worse to be so bitter about it now.

I'd probably never speak to you again. You come across as judgemental and sanctimonious.

You’re still griping over this event that happened in March? Just get over it and move on.

Well if it was me I would save you the trouble.

I feel she would be more right to not want to be friends with you than vice versa.

I respected the entirety of the rules and guidance as did my kids. The thing found most unpalatable over the period was the judgement and vitriol handed out to people who didn’t. I’ll keep my house in order, but it seemed like some people were incredibly quick to turn into curtain-twitching judgemental informants.

Stay friends or don’t stay friends. That’s up to you. But while her ds may not have been adhering to lockdown rules, you’re the one who sounds off in your post - why is it bothering you now?

Very confusing. As you haven't given the date but have said that she made a comment along the lines of not yet being in lockdown 'proper', I have to presume it was before the 23rd when the government was asking people not to leave their homes, and probably before the 20th, when pubs and restaurant law were asked to shut, and schools closed. In which case - yes; you're being unreasonable.

If this happened during lockdown then clearly the friend was in the wrong. I disagree with other people - there's nothing wrong with distancing yourself from friends who break the law of who show disregard for the safety of others. If a friend of mine drove whilst drunk, or kicked a dog or even dropped litter I would tell them that they are wrong. Depending on the response I might well end the friendship. Why should we all have to hide our disapproval for people doing wrong?