SEN DS RECEPTION 2020 OR EXTENDES NURSERY FOR ANOTHER ACADEMIC YEAR

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Hi All

Long time lurker and infrequent poster but really in need of some advice really. I know its not really an aibu but im posting here for traffic as need as much advice/experience as possible....

Bit of background, Ds is turning 4 in a weeks time. He has very bad respiratory health issues, he is currently (prior to lockdown) being assessed for autism and developmentally he is very delayed however every day he is making small but positive progress. i should also add he is Nil by Mouth due to having an unsafe swallow so currently tube fed for the foreseeable at least.

Last September i started him in a nursery. the Nursery have been brilliant with him however it was a hard battle getting him to settle in four months later we had just about got to dropping him off with a small tantrum but his key worker was very good at calming him. But during his time at nursery he has beem off almost every 10 to 14 days with a very bad Respiratory infection about 9 of those times requiring oxygen in hospital so when he was off nursery he would be off for a good 2 weeks whilst he got back to good health. all the stopping a restarting obviously set him back with each and everytime but nursery have been great each and everytime and than lockdown happened and with all the best will in the world all the progress he has made started to vanish so was already a bit apprehensive about him starting reception. As he is also non verbal he is still on nappies and i know it makes me a failure as a mum but believe me before everyone judges i have tried so hard but its near impossible. we are well supported by consultants community teams and support workers.

Sorry to drag on but just thought it was important to give everyone a bit of background. As ds was due to bestarting reception this coming septemeber we had applied for his reception place. Nursery were aware and actually helped advise which would be best for him in terms of his need.

Due to covid etc my only correspondence with primary school was the offer letter they sent out up until last week. Last Wednesday i got a call from the schools SENCO she said the first she heard of DS was Monday morning and she was very sorry that she wasn't aware of his needs and hadn't made contact before now. However she had gone on to say they had a sit down meeting at school involving a few more professionals on tuesday about DS and what would be best for him. She went on to further explain that i have 2 options given DS complex needs i have the option of putting him back into nursery for another year which would mean i would be putting him back a year in terms of his education going forward OR i could continue to put him in reception as planned but due to school closures and covid they havent made necessary provisions for him to get the support he requires and therefore they only would have him in reception for 2 hours a day. Which again is ok because thats what he was doing in nursery. She was very nice she gave a lot of information told me to think about it and ultimately whatever i decide they would support me.

I have been going backwards and forwards on the decision and i really don't know what to do for the best. I have spoken to his current nursery they think it would be in his best interests to keep him in nursery another year and hopefully all being well they could arrange support and assessments for specials schools during the year ready for him to start reception sept 2021.

I have also spoken to his specialist and they to have hinted it would be better for him to spend another year in nursery to help him develop but again they said it is ultimately my decision. Spoken to my Dh he very confused by the whole process to be honest when it comes to ds health he does confuse very easily so he has said for me to do what i think best so Please any advice or experinces would be really grateful.

Thank you for reading...

First of all, have I read it right that there was a big meeting about him, that you didn't know about until after it happened ?

Secondly, does he have, or has he had an assessment for, an Education, Health Care Plan ?

On the surface of what you have described, it does sound as if another year in Nursery would suit him but you need to get confirmation, in writing, from the school, that they would then be happy to continue to educate him out of year group always, and that he could start Reception in 2021, and not be expected to go in to Yr1.
Then you need to get Nursery to confirm that they will get the right funding, to support him properly, if he stays there.

Oh, and of course having a child with additional needs doesn't make you a failure as a Mum - what a terrible thing to say!

Thank you for replying.

Firstly i knew nothing about the meeting until Wednesday Morning when i had the call from the Senco.

Secondly there has been a lot of talk about the education healthcare plan but i believe due to his poor attendence and than lockdown this has not been possible in this current academic year but the nursery have assured me should i decide to keep him in nursery they will be pushing for this to be put in place.

Lastly i didnt mean having ds with additional needs makes me a bad mother i just meant some people are very judgement about the fact he still in nappies etc without fully comprehending the difficulties we face.

Also thank you for the advice in regards to the school i had not thought of having anything in writing.

thank you once again for replying.

You need to stop being so hard on yourself! You won’t be judged for not having him dry, it’s hard enough with neurotypical children let alone those with additional needs. Non-verbal is out of your control so you can’t be judged on that either. Look at where he will get the most support and least disruption. It sounds like the nursery would suit him but I agree with above, get a plan in writing about what will happen when he goes into reception in 2021. You’re his parents and you can only do what you believe is best for him, I’m sure you’re doing so much better than you think.

If I can offer some advice?

SEND is badly underfunded, and provision poor, throughout the country. Some areas are worse than others, but I don't think anywhere is as good as the children and families deserve. There are some fantastic individuals doing great work and lots of people who would like to help you, but the under resourcing is shocking. So you have to be be really assertive. you have to be really proactive. This is 100% not a criticism, but a tip for you going forwards - be the person that makes contact in advance. Be the person that double checks. 100% write everything down when you are in a meeting - make it really clear you are bullet pointing all that is being said and recording it. Make people e-mail you, or, after a phone conversation, e-mail them "just to confirm what you said in our phone call......" so everything is in writing.
Join support groups. Talk to other parents in similar circumstances and listen to their advice. You won't catch me bashing schools, Nurseries, Local Authorities or and HCPs, as overwhelmingly they are doing the best they can in the circumstances, but, don't let yourself be fobbed off.
Legally, the school can't offer a child less than other children, because of their SEND. If you agree that he wouldn't cope with a full day to begin with, then it is fine to agree to a shorter day BUT ask them about how they plan to review it, and increase his hours. Ask them about what support he will have in the classroom.
It sounds like the Nursery have been very welcoming and accommodating and have worked hard to welcome him into the Nursery, BUT if he is school age in September, they should have been collating evidence for an EHCP Assessment, even if they weren't able to have it finalised by now. The fact he is regularly hospitalised, and needs to be absent from education is more reason to have one, not an excuse not to have collated the information. If he started Nursery in September, then they had 6 or 7 months worth of time to have collated that evidence before lockdown.

If they guarantee him a reception place, and not going into Y1, next year I'd defer a year.

This next year, especially the beginning of it, is going to be fraught and different for schooling. He's presumably been out of nursery for a good while now so he's going to need eased back in to being away from you again

It also gives you a year to be loud and pushy (because you will have to be!) to get everything in place for him going to school

Good advice from @BackforGood
It does sound as though having the extra year in Nursery, getting the autism assessment completed, EHCP applied for and a good transition programme (visits, information sharing and staff training) put in place would be beneficial, especially as that is what the professionals who know DS are saying.

Nursery should have applied for the EHCP, so ask them when they are going to do this. If they don't/ won't/ can't do it soon, then you are also entitled to apply yourself. Nursery or the School Senco should tell you how or google the name of your Local Authority and "local offer" for information. The Local Authority should also have a parent advisor or links to one of the national charity parent helplines.

If you haven't already done so, get a box file and collect together all the reports from professionals about DS. You will need them to support the EHCP application.

Local Authorities are underfunded and short-staffed so unfortunately you will need to keep pressing to get what your DS needs. Be nice - being unpleasant will not make things work any quicker (probably actually slows things down) - but be persistent. Get the name of the person you speak to so you can ask for them by name and follow up all calls with an email.

Also:
You are not failing as a parent. If anyone is telling you this then kick them into touch. You also need to get your DH to start stepping up as well, but I suspect that is a whole other thread.

Have you applied for ehcp?

Thank you all for your advice its given me a lot to think about.

I have not applied for ehcp as i did not know i could. He is my first child and its been quite a lot to get my head round in terms of his health and now schooling so i am still learning and trying my best to be as educated as possible about the different aspects of his education. i will look into applying for his ehcp. i am concerned that they will expect him to go from nursery another year and straight into year 1 that would be a huge leap for him.

I have called school and left a message asking for senco to give me a call back so will discuss more with her.

In regards to nursery even though he started in september he was hospitalised for 4 weeks in feb and than went back for a week in march before lock down and hasnt been back since. So in the 20 weeks he was supposed to be in nursery between September to end of Jan he actually spent about 11 weeks in nursery in total due to his ill health or hospitalization.

Nursery have said they would apply for ehcp when he started but their argument is that they are collecting all the evidence and will use toward his plan or handover to reception for them to use toward application. Also prior to him starting nurserybhe was know to our community early years inclusion team where someone would come out every 2 weeks and worked on a plan (can't remember the name) so that he was able to transition into nursery. She again was very engaging and suppotive and honest about ds future needs going forward.

And to a op up thread i have collected all his reports medical and otherwise since he has been born have about 4 box files so evidence wise i do have everything saved.

**Just checked files the early years support worker and nursery have both been working on a early years support plan.

I expect he would have to skip a year at some point to make up for the extra year in nursery (happened to friends). If that is the case I wouldn't even contemplate it.

Have a look at this link OP:
www.scope.org.uk/advice-and-support/applying-for-ehcp-without-educational-psychologist-report/

You should get the ball rolling on applying for an EHCP.

Has the school said why they can't implement the steps required by September?

I work in a high school, mainly with SEN students, and we have had to make adjustments etc., to meet needs of students starting with us in September, that have only now been finalised.

Perhaps in the current Covid climate your DC would be better staying in familiar surroundings for another year.

I totally agree with the above poster who said about documenting everything, chasing and putting stuff in writing.

SEND is under funded, and it's frustrating, but please don't assume that everything is happening because you haven't heard anything - so much slips through the net.

I wish you both well.

You are not a failure because your son is still in nappies.

My own ds started school wearing nappies and even now he's nearly 7 (he hasn't worn them in the day for a year) he's by no means toilet trained, his 1-1 most days passes me a big clinical waste bag full of ds undies & trousers 🙈 he should still be in nappies by rights - he's just not got the whole toilet training thing unfortunately.

I'll post more later when I've got chance, but in the meantime don't be so hard on your self having a child with additional needs is a minefield. X

Does he have an EHCP op? Or are you in the process of getting one? That will really help.

There’s pros and cons on both sides and I understand how difficult it is.

I have two summer birthdays. Eldest has autism and Dd has some developmental delays and a speech disorder. I had to choose whether to keep them back a year or start school but in my case the school were keen for them to start when they should and encouraged me to send them. The head at their school is so against delayed starting of school but obviously this was due to covid which changes things.

school can be really positive for a child with sen. My eldest was non verbal when he started school and during the first term of school his speech exploded. The school have always been wonderful sit him. Similar with my daughter. But this is because he had the right support. It doesn’t sound like the school your sons going to is prepared for him so I’d be tempted to keep him back.

Maybe start the process of getting an EHCP if you haven’t already got one for him? Means the school will be obligated to give him the right support when he does start. It can take up to 20 weeks where I live. It’s a long process but worth it for him in the long term. Even if he did start school in September the school could help with the process.

Also, don’t fret about the toilet training. My son wasn’t trained until not long before his 4th birthday they do it when they are ready and having sen makes it harder.

DS has stayed back a year whilst awaiting diagnosis and begins Reception in September. We applied for his EHCP last month with the help of the school. When we applied for his deferral both the primary and secondary school gave written agreement that he would remain with this cohort, rather than missing a year later on.

I think deferral in your DSs case sounds sensible and getting nursery to assist in an EHCP application. You need several cycles of evidence so start collecting everything and asking for copies of all reports and meeting notes. Find out what the meeting was and who was present - we've just had to give written consent to the school for DS to be discussed with the SEND team so they should have given you some information before discussing your child out of the school setting.

It's hard, but you'll need to start being the one who knows everyone and everything relating to your child's education and health, because things get lost and professionals don't always talk to each other. Keep electronic copies as well as photocopies of anything that seems relevant. It sounds over the top but it will make navigating the bureaucracy a lot smoother.

Good luck OP

Personally I would have delayed a year if I could turn back time

Yes echo what everyone else is saying - as long as they don’t claw back the year at school later, all of the people involved with your son agree another year in a nursery where he’s well supported and get the EHCP in place. The school is telling you they don’t believe he’ll be adequately supported this year too.

My dd is repeating the first year, she got increasingly distressed at school in the first term, wasn’t supported properly and we ended up taking her out to homeschool before the lockdown. All the signs are that next year is going to be a real mess in school education too.

I think he'll be happier in nursery school for another year. Schools are making lots of plans and risk assessments for September but, realistically, primary school support options are likely to be limited even with an EHCP and funding in place. We are still in the midst of a pandemic and it's hard to predict when various restrictions will be lifted.

I think in the current very unusual situation I would stick with the nursery that knows him, as long as you can get in writing from the school and local authority that he will be allowed to start reception in 2021.

Also prior to him starting nurserybhe was know to our community early years inclusion team where someone would come out every 2 weeks and worked on a plan (can't remember the name) so that he was able to transition into nursery.

So the fact he already had Early Support Plans in place before he started Nursery means they should have hit the ground running. YOur ds wasn't a child who just started with no TAC and no paperwork that they needed to see settle and start gathering evidence, it was already there.
This isn't a criticism of you OP - there is obviously no reason why any parent should know this, but just to let you know the Nursery could have pushed sooner, so they are obviously - whilst loving and caring - not hot on pushing for the EHCP they could have been doing. So if you choose for him to do another year there, you need to insist they apply.

Keep coming bck to MN - there are a wealth of posters with masses of experience on here who will help you

Put him into Reception. It is easier to provide a developmentally appropriate curriculum in Reception. If the school decides he needs to go straight into Y1 and they absolutely may do so, he will miss out on a school based year of EYFS which is very different from that which a preschool can provide.

It is the school's responsibility to give your child appropriate provision, not your child's responsibility to assimilate to the provision that is available, not matter what the system may tell you.

Definitely extend nursery unless you have a very confident child who is excited about starting reception. This is going to be a pretty shit autumn with second wave of covid and weird social distancing / frequent school class closures./ confusing ‘don’t hug’ rules etc. If your child struggles at all with settling in, as most do, I would just stick with nursery until we are through the second wave.

Fyi you are entitled to accept a reception place and yet not actually start school until the term after your child turns five. May not apply to you, but eg if your child was born in February then you could apply and accept place as normal, and then just notify school your child won’t be starting until compulsory school age ie the term after Easter. Or you could do part time until compulsory school age: the school has no control here it is entirely your decision. We did. The absences aren’t authorised or unauthorised but something else I think it was “attendance not required.”

I'd push for an sen nursery place. In meantime I'd keep him in nursery. Your child needs a special school not mainstream. I say this as a sen parent

Echo what other posters have said regarding EHC Needs Assessment and Plan. Apply as soon as you can.
The only way to legally enforce that your child will be educated out of year group throughout their school life is to get it written into Section F of the plan.
Schools can make verbal agreements regarding continuous education out of year group, but staff leave, schools become academies with different leadership teams, LA's change policies or national funding changes. Section F is the safest option.
Good luck and hope everything works out for your son, you and your family.

Personally I would take the year, at least you will have more insight if mainstream is suitable and as the ECHP has not started you can argue if mainstream is not going to work. Too many children are placed in mainstream as a sink or swim scenario with no concern for the damage is done. Take care of yourself.

I would also say that whilst nursery may have been good with your DS they have been quite poor with his transition. All of this should have been done prior to Covid. Your son needing to be away is evidence of need in itself. Knowing that there was no ECHP they should have ensured contact with the Senco and school. Whilst this cannot be reversed they need to step up if he remains in nursery.