SEN DS RECEPTION 2020 OR EXTENDES NURSERY FOR ANOTHER ACADEMIC YEAR

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Hi All

Long time lurker and infrequent poster but really in need of some advice really. I know its not really an aibu but im posting here for traffic as need as much advice/experience as possible....

Bit of background, Ds is turning 4 in a weeks time. He has very bad respiratory health issues, he is currently (prior to lockdown) being assessed for autism and developmentally he is very delayed however every day he is making small but positive progress. i should also add he is Nil by Mouth due to having an unsafe swallow so currently tube fed for the foreseeable at least.

Last September i started him in a nursery. the Nursery have been brilliant with him however it was a hard battle getting him to settle in four months later we had just about got to dropping him off with a small tantrum but his key worker was very good at calming him. But during his time at nursery he has beem off almost every 10 to 14 days with a very bad Respiratory infection about 9 of those times requiring oxygen in hospital so when he was off nursery he would be off for a good 2 weeks whilst he got back to good health. all the stopping a restarting obviously set him back with each and everytime but nursery have been great each and everytime and than lockdown happened and with all the best will in the world all the progress he has made started to vanish so was already a bit apprehensive about him starting reception. As he is also non verbal he is still on nappies and i know it makes me a failure as a mum but believe me before everyone judges i have tried so hard but its near impossible. we are well supported by consultants community teams and support workers.

Sorry to drag on but just thought it was important to give everyone a bit of background. As ds was due to bestarting reception this coming septemeber we had applied for his reception place. Nursery were aware and actually helped advise which would be best for him in terms of his need.

Due to covid etc my only correspondence with primary school was the offer letter they sent out up until last week. Last Wednesday i got a call from the schools SENCO she said the first she heard of DS was Monday morning and she was very sorry that she wasn't aware of his needs and hadn't made contact before now. However she had gone on to say they had a sit down meeting at school involving a few more professionals on tuesday about DS and what would be best for him. She went on to further explain that i have 2 options given DS complex needs i have the option of putting him back into nursery for another year which would mean i would be putting him back a year in terms of his education going forward OR i could continue to put him in reception as planned but due to school closures and covid they havent made necessary provisions for him to get the support he requires and therefore they only would have him in reception for 2 hours a day. Which again is ok because thats what he was doing in nursery. She was very nice she gave a lot of information told me to think about it and ultimately whatever i decide they would support me.

I have been going backwards and forwards on the decision and i really don't know what to do for the best. I have spoken to his current nursery they think it would be in his best interests to keep him in nursery another year and hopefully all being well they could arrange support and assessments for specials schools during the year ready for him to start reception sept 2021.

I have also spoken to his specialist and they to have hinted it would be better for him to spend another year in nursery to help him develop but again they said it is ultimately my decision. Spoken to my Dh he very confused by the whole process to be honest when it comes to ds health he does confuse very easily so he has said for me to do what i think best so Please any advice or experinces would be really grateful.

Thank you for reading...

My friend is in exactly the same position as you, her ds is autistic & delayed by about two years, he has only started talking while his mum has been able to spend every day with him during lockdown. He is still in nappies day & night, he isn't 4 until the end of August. She has made the decision to keep him in nursery for another year & then start him in reception if she feels he has caught up what he needs, otherwise she is considering homeschooling him, she already homeschools her daughter who is 12 & is also autistic, he has come on loads during lockdown, he is speaking in full sentences now & recognising colours & numbers, she is still waiting for an ADHD assessment but they won't do it in her area until he is 4.

We kept our summer born, GDD ds back a year. Best decision we ever made! He has now finished Y1 (tho computer says Y2) and is well on a par with the other Y1s. He says he loves school because he loves learning...most amazing part of that sentence is "he SAYS!" When we looked round schools, he was basically a 2 year old physically and in terms of speech and general development, putting him in then would have been cruel. It would have got him off to such a poor start and set him up to have negative feelings about school. That extra year made such a difference.

EHCP - horrible process, expect to be held up every step along the way esp in terms of getting Rd Psych reports, SaLT input etc under Covid restrictions. Took us a year with none of that, our county is shocking. So get that ball rolling and chase it every step of the way. This is one situation where you need to be THAT parent!

Do make sure you put in writing that you want him to stay with that cohort. We have a reply agreeing to that (although not as explicit as I would like) but at meeting they would NOT feed it into EHCP...they say that's something they don't do/can't do and that he will have to catch up at some point. I didn't argue the toss right there as wanted the damn thing signed off and am choosing to keep that discussion for another time...how do they intend to justify it as in the best interests of a child who is globally delayed with social issues and anxieties to suddenly have to jump into a whole new bunch of people and to miss out on a year of education? Keeping my powder dry for now...