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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I don't favour my oldest sisters kids

35 replies

Raffleyourdoughnut · 06/07/2020 17:54

I have two sisters both have kids. Sister A has 3 dc (14,13 and 11) sister B has 1 dc who is 3.

Sister A lives 10 minutes away from me and sister B lives 4/6 hour round trip away.

Since my sister A's dc were little I would see them about twice a week, once after work and on a sunday morning for an hour. Because my sister B lives a distance away its not practical to go during the week after work and I can't manage going every weekend. It's too long a drive. I am disabled so driving that far each week isn't practical. My sister B moans about having to come to me because of the distance 🤔.

So the current complaint from sister B is that I offered to watch my sister A kids one day a week whilst she is at work should the schools not go back full time. I work from home. Kids are older so don't really need any major supervision. As it is likely that the schools are going back full-time in August I'm not needed.

My sister B had suggested that I watch her 3 year old one day a week. For information my sister is a SAHP so it's not for childcare. I have explained to her that it's not practical because I'm having to work and I can't watch him at same time. I have also suggested that I could babysit at the weekend for a few hours. Watching him for a full day would be too much as he is a bundle of energy and I would be too tired and would overdo it. I did watch sister A kids when they were younger but I was 10 years younger as well and it was never for a full day at that age. I was more mobile then and in slightly better health.

Nothing I suggest is good enough and is compared to how I was 10 years ago with sister A's dc.

We have just had another argument about me favouring my other DNs. This time it was about skyping my sisters A dc. I have tried to do it for my 3 year old DN, he isn't interested! I do get were she is coming from but she did choose to move away. If she lived closer it wouldn't be as much as an issue.

Does this sound like I'm favouring my other sisters dc? What can I suggest that would help resolve the issue?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 06/07/2020 17:58

Sister B is absolutely unhinged. She lives over 4 hours away. Of course you're not going to watch her one day a week. She's being utterly ridiculous and I would refuse to engage about this madness for one more second.

Sunnydayshereatlast · 06/07/2020 18:00

Tell dsis you are happy for her to drop her dc off with you every week..
See how long that lasts..

Coughsyrupsucks · 06/07/2020 18:02

Sister B lives 4-6 hours away and is a SAHP and wants you to look after her child once a week. Is she insane?? Entitlement beyond belief. I think the traditional ‘that won’t work for you’, and disengage!

dancinfeet · 06/07/2020 18:03

Stick to your offer of weekend babysitting only, keep it to a few hours max and make sure that she does all of the dropping off and collecting. She will soon see that she is being ridiculous.

WonderWebbs · 06/07/2020 18:06

Sister B is totally unrealistic. Distance from your home, age of her child plus you are disabled she can't expect you to do child care for her.

mbosnz · 06/07/2020 18:09

Sister B sounds quite the little petulant princess to me. . .

Suzie6789 · 06/07/2020 18:10

Sister B is being ridiculous. It’s unbelievable that she expects you to do this. Teens need virtually no supervision compared with a 3 year old.
Why does she feel entitled to demand your time in this way?

Chocolateandamaretto · 06/07/2020 18:12

Sister b is being ridiculous. You live several hours away - that’s pretty much the end of it!

Meredithgrey1 · 06/07/2020 18:18

My sister B had suggested that I watch her 3 year old one day a week

That's not really a suggestion for her to make. Everything Sister B is asking for is unbelievably ridiculous. She wants you to drive ~5 hours in a day to watch her child while you work? Even if you lived 10 mins from her why would you watch a 3 year old one day a week while you are working??

If she's going to be this ridiculous I doubt you can resolve the issue. Not everything has to be equal all the time. Distance is a significant factor in how much families can see each other, there's no getting around it. The fact you feel bad you can't make it to see her every weekend shows how much effort and care you're putting into seeing her and DN, that's a long way and a significant amount of time out of your weekend.

Original poster
Raffleyourdoughnut · 06/07/2020 18:22

My sister B has always been the hard done by one. I'm the youngest and have been disabled since I was a child which of course ment she had the worst childhood out all three of us.🙄

Objectively if you were to remove the distance issue, I would spend more time with my 3-year old DN. I would be more available for him.

My sister B is the type of person who would weaponise my DN, that is something our parents worry about, that if she doesn't get what she wants they/we won't see him.

Unless I can replicate the type of visit and the number of hours that I spent/spend with my old DNs, nothing seems good enough.

OP posts:
pictish · 06/07/2020 18:22

I agree - she’s a five hour round trip away so obviously you can’t watch her kid once week. I can’t think what else there is to say about it?
She’s being ridiculous.

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/07/2020 18:26

Sister B needs to give her head a wobble. She wants you to jump through hoops to prove - what exactly?

There is a massive difference between being the available adult for the 14, 13 and 11 year olds, and being in sole charge of her 3 year old.

She really is being thoroughly unreasonable.

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/07/2020 18:27

"My sister B has always been the hard done by one. I'm the youngest and have been disabled since I was a child which of course ment she had the worst childhood out all three of us."

Oh just tell her to piss off. She's being a git.

Rose789 · 06/07/2020 18:30

You sound like a lovely aunty and the kids are lucky to have you. Sister B sounds like an absolute lunatic

mbosnz · 06/07/2020 18:33

Regarding the weaponising of the child - I hope someone would point out to your (sounding thoroughly delightful) sister that this could be a bit of an own goal move - meaning less childcare from anyone or interest or connection in either her or her child.

Ohtherewearethen · 06/07/2020 18:36

Sister B is a spoilt arsehole. What does she do for you, considering any difficulties you may have related to your disabilities? Or is helping a one-way street where she's concerned. She sounds utterly terrible and I'm sorry for you that she thinks she can manipulate you (and your parents) like this.

Qwicks · 06/07/2020 18:37

Did your sister move away from your hometown that you're still in?

My sibling moved a similar distance away and has form for whinging if they have to come to us. If I go there, which I do, I'm at their mercy a bit. I don't know anyone, anything etc and a bit stuck. whereas if they come here, they split the visit between other siblings, parents, grandparents and old friends and get a lot more out of it.
But then they say "But I've come up X times this year" and I have to bite my tongue not to point out that they bloody moved that far away, knowing all the family were going to stay here, so friggin deal with it!!

1Morewineplease · 06/07/2020 18:38

As a previous poster suggested, ask sister B to bring your DN once a day every week . The 4-6 hour round trip , twice a day should sort that out very quickly.
Sister B chose to move far away. It’s her problem, not your’s.
Regularly Skyping would be good but you say that your DN isn’t keen.
Not your problem.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/07/2020 18:43

I would just be really straight with her. It appears nothing will appease her.

"SisterB, I give what I can to all my nieces and nephews. I happen to see SisAs more as they live local. They are also self sufficient so it's really easy for them to get themselves to my house whenever they fancy. I really would like to do more for your little one, but you are being unreasonable to expect me to travel 4-5 hours each way every weekend. Of course, any time you are here, if it is a non working day for me I would be more than happy to look after him! I love him, of course I would. But what you are expecting of me is very unreasonable"

CalmdownJanet · 06/07/2020 18:45

Honestly it sounds like no matter what you do it will never be good enough and your sister sounds like an entitled bitch! You need to watch her son while you work when she is a sahm - oh do fuck off love! I would shut her right down and say
"Look Mary you are being completely unfair & frankly entitled. You chose to move four hours away not me. I live closer to x's kids and see them more often. How often I see them/mind them/talk to them now or in the past has fuck all got to do with you. Let's be clear here you are not entitled to my time, now or ever. This is not up for discussion, I won't justify the time I spend with x,y,z, I love your son, I would love to see him more but if you keep up with the entitlement & jealousy all you will do is drive a wedge and make it so I see him less. Cop yourself on you silly cunt "

Shinyletsbebadguys · 06/07/2020 18:45

B is nuts ! If you swop you for my DP its not dissimilar. They are heavily daily involved with my dsis DC and used to have them 5 days a week after school, go to every docs appt etc, they rarely see my DC but ...and this is a big but....dsis DC were young 15 years ago ! They also live 5 minutes away but I live 2 hours away. No way in hell would i expect them to be there the same. I'm sorry but they are now in their 70's with impacted health and frankly i love my DC but they would exhaust them in 10 minutes.

B needs to get over herself, shes being an entitled princess. Listen I have more than enough issues with my DP but that is absolutely not one of them. I chose to have my DC when I did ,they owe me nothing.

I understand your fear of weaponized Dn (ironically my dsis tried this on my DP despite all the help ....soon stopped when the DC were old enough and kicked back against their mother) but in all reality you can't be held hostage.

Yadnbu

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 06/07/2020 18:58

Keeping an eye on 3 kids who don’t really need childcare while you work is one think. Looking after a 3 year old while you work at home is impossible. Sister would be being unreasonable even if she lived locally.

topoftheshops · 06/07/2020 19:13

Sister B is completely ridiculous. I'm surprised you haven't just burst out laughing at her 'suggestions'. Crazy.

GinWithASplashOfTonic · 06/07/2020 19:23

Your sister is unhinged and needs a head wobble

As PP have suggested, if she want you to look after her son then she should be the one driving the 8hr round trip. Not the other way round

GinWithASplashOfTonic · 06/07/2020 19:23

Your sister is unhinged and needs a head wobble

As PP have suggested, if she want you to look after her son then she should be the one driving the 8hr round trip. Not the other way round