To cancel a wedding abroad that 40 guests have paid to attend?

[Justwondering82]

We are due to get married abroad in March next year. So far we have only paid the deposit for the venue, remaining balance not due until January. However our 40 guests have paid for their package holidays to attend, some have only paid deposits and some have paid full balances.

The only reason I want to cancel is because I don't think it's going to happen. With covid, the possibility of a second wave and social distancing etc I just do not realistically see how it will go ahead. We were having the wedding next year and buying a house the year after, but we've got enough sat in our savings for either a house deposit or the wedding. A house has come up that we love, it's in the perfect location and is just everything we want. We can't get the house and not cancel/postpone the wedding as we wouldn't have enough left in savings to cover both if the wedding was to go ahead. We would ideally want to postpone the wedding, but god knows the long term impact this will have on travel especially for a large group of us. We don't want to be impacted by social distancing either. I'd rather cancel and just see how the next few years pan out?

What do I do?

[loobyloo1234]

FFS. RTFT people. Are you blind?

Good luck on your dream wedding OP - I think you'll be ok by then

[Reedwarbler]

Re the house op. I'm a great believer in what's for you won't pass you by. Even if that one is sold before you can do anything about it, there will be a better one waiting in the wings. Don't be disheartened, it's not the end of the world.

[1940s]

@nowlook..... ?

[whenwillthemadnessend]

If you want no friends and pissed off family go for it

[Justwondering82]

The wisp I think it was made very clear that I was no longer thinking of cancelling.

As early as second update, I said "hopefully I'm being too negative and the whole thing can go ahead as planned. Thanks for giving my head a wobble" since then I have repeatedly said that I understand, and that in my head it was going to be cancelled anyway so it didn't seem that bad. I have repeatedly said now I have a bit more hope and I'm leaving it as is and hoping it will go ahead. I have literally not once in this entire thread tried to argue IANBU, I accepted it straight away. It was a thought that had come into my head this morning, I hadn't mentioned it to anyone. No harm, no foul.

I have repeatedly said I wouldn't rather the house - I just didn't want to miss out on the house for the wedding to get cancelled anyway. I now understand that chances are it'll go ahead, so I'm not missing out on the house for nothing. I would prefer the wedding. I want to be married before we buy the house. We can afford a house at the end of next year, so it's not the end of the world.

A few have commented on my use of 'dream wedding' no I'm not stupid, or a child. Sorry for being excited about something! Two weeks in the Caribbean with all of my family and friends is a bit of a dream.

And finally a few comments about how I've forced people to fork out just to leave them high and dry - I'm not leaving anyone high and dry as I instantly accepted IABU and forgot that idea. But also I have not forced anybody to book anything. It was made very clear to everyone, before we'd even booked it, that we understood if people couldn't come. We never expected 40 people to say yes and are thrilled they did but they were not forced.

Bowing out now, as I don't know how many times I can say the same thing without being listened to! I posted here for genuine opinions, which I got and listened to, it doesn't always need to become a pile on!

[Mangofandangoo]

If you cancel it they are in an awful position and unable to claim on any insurance ( if they have it) personally I would be furious.

[MidnightCitrus]

@thewisp

Nowhere did OP say they were no longer thinking about cancelling. They said they had taken it on board, but they had checked and somehow COVID will mean the guests get their money back.

You can have RTFT and still point out the glaring holes in logic

whats this then?

OP SAID
I know IABU and I am no longer thinking about cancelling

[Mangofandangoo]

Sorry OP I should have read the whole thread - you aren't thinking of cancelling - got it

[thecatsthecats]

I understand that the OP isn't cancelling her wedding.

But I would like to add, just so the OP does appreciate it outside the context of covid/house etc, that the chances of the holiday those 40 people have booked and paid for being the holiday they would have chosen for themselves without any other factors is incredibly small - budget, timing, location etc.

I have been on destination weddings and hen dos. I enjoyed myself, don't get me wrong. I was in the company of many other people enjoying themselves.

But it's no different to having to watch someone else's pick of film - sure, their film is still watching a film, but not the one you wanted.

[notalwaysalondoner]

You have to leave it and wait and see. If it ACTUALLY doesn’t go ahead because of Covid, then everyone will get refunds and it won’t be your fault. If you cancel it now just in case it doesn’t go ahead (and you’d quite like to buy a house instead), people won’t just be able to claim on insurance as they’d still be able to travel, just the wedding wouldn’t happen. So they’d be stuck going on a holiday they wouldn’t probably have chosen to go on if you hadn’t been getting married.

I know the uncertainty sucks, but that isn’t a good reason to essentially screw over your nearest and dearest.

[nowlook]

@1940s
OP updated a while back to say she now accepted she was in the wrong and had no intention now of cancelling the wedding.

Despite many posts saying that OP had updated, you still responded to the very first post without having RTFT.

Hence "fuck me" (in exasperation)

[Mintjulia]

Don’t you listen to the news. The travel industry is in disarray and many people are struggling to get refunds. Companies are going under and people are losing out.

If you cancel, you will have to cover the costs of those who don’t get refunds. Or be prepared to alienate half your social network.

[ittakes2]

It comes across you have changed your mind and would prefer the house - and are using uncertainty of covid to justify leaving friends out of pocket.

[shenanigans5]

Hope your wedding gets to go ahead and you find your dream house too

[Frozenfrogs86]

I think your assessment is way premature too... it could very well go ahead. People will be flying off to holidays this summer, we may have a second wave or we it might be minor or we could have a vaccine! If your wedding can’t go ahead nearer the time, everyone would totally understand but cancelling now seems like you think your money paying is way more important than their money they already paid in good faith.

[DontWantToAdult]

Your not cancelling because of covid

You want to cancel because you want to buy a house

[nowlook]

@Mintjulia @ittakes2

Very good.

You'll be pleased to learn that some of us have now clubbed together to buy OP her dream house and pay for her dream wedding so this nonsense will stop.

[DappledThings]

@nowlook

I only wish the OP had paid by cheque.

😄

[YankeeDad]

@Justwondering82

Now that you have decided not to cancel the wedding, which makes sense, here are a couple of ideas:

Maybe before paying the rest of the money to the venue, you can negotiate with the wedding venue to promise you a refund in case people cannot get there due to a second wave of COVID. Worth trying.

Also, if the wedding does get cancelled due to a second wave, bear in mind that you will (hopefully) get your money back and house prices will go down, giving you a second chance at a good house even if it's not the one you have just seen.

[dairyfairies]

If the holidays can't go ahead due to covid everyone will get a refund

I read your post as that you want to cancel now as you don't think it is going ahead as you are hoping the guests will get their money back if planes don't go.

Have you actually considered that it may very well go ahead? Your guests would not get their money back. What would you do in that case?

[nettie434]

Destination wedding and covid are the two topics that really get people going Justwondering82. All you needed to do for full house AIBU was to add the odd spelling mistake and say it was a child free wedding.

Well done on doing the right thing!

[SerendipityJane]

If I was a guest I'd be furious! You've forced their hand to book time off work, pay some/all of the cost.

What happened to the MN mantra that it's an invitation, not a summons ?

[safariboot]

OP's posts are highlighted. There's a link to see just them. Too many of us still don't bother reading anything beyond the first post before sticking our oar in.

I think it's unlikely that it will be cancelled, but not impossible. But regardless, when it comes to holidays and covid-19, the basic principle is don't jump before you're pushed. If the holiday company cancels they have to refund you. If the FCO advises against travel on your departure date insurance will normally compensate you. But if you jump the gun and cancel yourself, you can easily end up without a penny back. Inevitably some holiday companies have been tricking their customers into doing this.

If you want to cut costs you could downsize or nix the wedding ceremony. Do the legalities in a registry office in the UK and just make the holiday a big informal knees-up or something.

[MillyDilly]

@FudgeBrownie2019

Cancelling because of Covid is one thing. Cancelling because there's something else you'd like to spend your money on seems a little off. But those travelling will surely have travel insurance to cover their costs?

Travel insurance won’t cover you for just deciding to not go. Which is what the guests will be doing even if their decision is based on the wedding not happening.

[Jux]

I know you've already agreed that YABU. I was wondering what country you were going to as their COVID situation will be different to ours.

Also, if you cancel the wedding but the COVID situation here would have allowed it to go ahead when March comes around, what happens to those 40 guests who won't get their money back? They will have to go on holiday at a time of your choosing to a place of your choosing,, but you won''t be there at all, let alone getting married there.

So I wondered what your plans were for that contingency, too?