DH and I have been together 10 years.
We have 4 children.
Before we got together I was always a big believer in woman are equal to men and therefore jobs at home etc are shared out.
Over the years, I have come to accept that when I suggest something, I have to make out it is his idea and then it may be a good idea, if that makes sense?
I m hard work at times due to my MH, I know that.
So last year I started a new job, as we were barely surviving on his wage ( we are heavily reliant on WTC)
I work shifts and he is a one man band, but a professional one.
He works 40+ hours a week and I work about 20+. I now earn more than him, as his business isn't doing great.
He has been offered a job by a friend, similar work, but earning 4 x as much as he does now. He has refused the job as he wants to stay his own boss.
I can't increase my hours as I look after the children before and after school/childcare, or if they are poorly or have an inset day or school holidays.
Part of me feels like he is being selfish, but then the other side of me thinks, maybe I am being selfish for wanting more (bigger house for kids etc)
He has been working late the last four weeks. I was asked to go into work Sunday for an hour to do some training with the rest of my team. Granted it was our only day together as a family, but it was AN HOUR!
I asked if I could go into work for said hour and he said no. I ended up asking a few times over the next hour and he kept saying no.
I even said to him I will tell my boss that DH said No, and he said fine!
This is just one example, there are a fair few others.
So my question is
AIBU - he isn't controlling
AINBU - he is controlling
And where do I go from here? I love him and wouldn't have the heart to wreck my marriage over something like this,but I do feel like I am not the person I used to be, as he is the "Head of the household" as such. If he says "No" I don't tend to get much further