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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have they forgotten my birthday?

39 replies

PixieLee123 · 06/07/2020 09:02

I am quite a sensitive person which doesn’t help but wondering if I am just being silly? I have worked where I am for 7 years, always write messages in other colleagues cards and contributed to lots of ‘whip rounds’ for special birthdays/moving out presents/anniversary presents over the years. I have a big birthday coming up this week and won’t be back in work now as off for it. I am really upset that I didn’t even get so much as a card from work. Every year we get cards and I remember one of my colleagues who still works there, receiving a massive hamper of presents for her same special age birthday (which I contributed towards) Should I tell them how upset I am about this or just leave it? Sad

OP posts:
bonjonbovi · 06/07/2020 09:05

I’d wait a week or so, and then mention it in passing to your line manager.

“Do anything nice whilst you were off?”

“Oh yes, it was my 150th birthday. Big milestone you see. Bit hurt that I didn’t get anything from work like Agnes did for the same birthday, but lockdown makes things harder I suppose”

Passive aggressive as fuck. But hey ho.

IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 · 06/07/2020 09:10

OP: your "big birthday is coming up this week........." Do you expect a gift, congratulations in advance ?

Livelovebehappy · 06/07/2020 09:14

A lot of these sort of things are passing by with no real effort made at the moment. I think because people are having to cope with lots of issues such as wfh challenges, home schooling and stresses about the whole Covid thing, it’s pushing other stuff off the radar. If your birthday hasn’t arrived yet, maybe they intend sending something via post? I must admit I’m probably one of Moonpigs top customers at the moment. Everything delivered. Hope when your birthday arrives, that it’s a good one OP.

Qwicks · 06/07/2020 09:16

@IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0

OP: your "big birthday is coming up this week........." Do you expect a gift, congratulations in advance ?

As op said, she's left work now and will be away until her birthday has passed. In effect, they have missed it.

Maybe on the day it will register with someone what day it is and you'll have something waiting when you get back. I feel for you op, it's always rubbish when you don't get the same in return.

When is your birthday?

arianwe · 06/07/2020 09:16

Personally, I wouldn't say anything. Totally understand you feeling put out though.
Could it just be that everyone is so distracted with the covid stuff that they haven't thought?

I remember going on my maternity leave - 1st time loads of gifts, flowers, money. 2nd time just a goodbye. My boss gave me a bit of money after it and announced that he'd asked everyone if they wanted to chip in and "no bugger wanted to". I've never felt so popular in all my life 😂

Qwicks · 06/07/2020 09:19

I remember going on my maternity leave - 1st time loads of gifts, flowers, money. 2nd time just a goodbye.

Totally standard, in my experience! Got over 70 new baby cards with my first and about 20 with the second. And the third .... well! Grin

Itsjustabitofbanter · 06/07/2020 09:19

What is it with all the posts lately? I couldn’t imagine working in a place where work colleagues felt obligated to buy you cards and presents. There was one the other day where a women was pissed off for not getting presents for her second baby, despite getting them for her milestone birthday, engagement and first baby. We’re in the middle of a pandemic op, and you’re not even in work. People have got more important things going on right now

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 06/07/2020 09:20

I think most people would be hurt if it's the done thing to get people stuff for their big birthdays. I wouldn't be contributing to anyone else's in the future or organising everything since it appears selective

edwinbear · 06/07/2020 09:20

Work colleagues birthday's simply aren't on people's radars at the moment. I had a colleague leave last week, normally we'd have drinks but with everyone wfh it wasn't possible. It sucks, but lots of things suck at the moment. He's not kicked up a fuss about it because he's a grown up and understands life is different at the moment.

Apple1029 · 06/07/2020 09:22

I really think it would be hugely grabby to ask for gifts. Even though I don't think yabu. Its just not something you do.
I think you need to keep perspective here. There is alot more going on now in peoples personal lives than worrying about your birthday. And financially for some, it's just not doable. I think you just need to let it go.

FatBottomedGurl · 06/07/2020 09:23

I wouldnt say anything but the next time a whip round comes by I would very pointedly say something like "Oh, I didnt think these were still happening, seeing as I didnt get anything for my 100th birthday like everyone else. So no, I wont be contributing any more". No need to be passive aggressive about it, just succinct.

Palavah · 06/07/2020 09:24

How would they know it's your birthday?

HunkyPunk · 06/07/2020 09:28

I work at a nursery. My Birthday is in the summer holidays and, big or otherwise, has never been acknowledged! I have definitely contributed to others' big Birthday collections, but think it's probably inconsistent in that if you are special friends with the Manager, Birthdays get remembered!

Try not to dwell on it too much. When you go back and they ask how your week's been, just say cheerily e.g. "I went out for a lovely meal for my
?th....", "I met up with some friends for my ?th...." etc. At the very least it should make them feel guilty, if they have forgotten!

Cadent · 06/07/2020 09:30

YANBU, I would ask.

This is the reason why I don’t contribute to birthday/baby/leaving gifts for everyone as a rule, it just isn’t fair as someone always gets shafted.

Now I only contribute to leaving gifts and even then for people I like and get on with. I also hate fuss so would gladly not have any gifts myself.

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 06/07/2020 09:38

😳 what now? YABU!

It hasn’t even happened yet!!
(And you may have missed the tiny detail of a pandemic going around with people WFH!) - you haven’t stated otherwise

Itsjustabitofbanter · 06/07/2020 09:41

@cadent I’ll only contribute to a whip round if someone’s long term sick or injured. You go to work to earn a living, they’re all adults there. Do some people really need to be fussed and fawned over, and be given cards and money and gifts from people aren’t their friends, for personal life events that no one else gives a shiny shit about? I find these office politics tedious and silly.

Rosebel · 06/07/2020 09:50

I wouldn't say anything. I didn't get anything from work when I went on maternity leave whereas two other people did.
Didn't say anything but won't bother to contribute again. I don't think you can really ask for presents but I understand why you're upset.

Cadent · 06/07/2020 11:09

@Itsjustabitofbanter totally agree, me too.

alittlequinnie · 06/07/2020 11:25

Hi OP - you are getting a bit of a hard time on here.

I remember being the exact same for my 40th birthday. I had made cakes for my team's birthdays and put up a balloon and organised a special card etc...

.. however, when it came to my 40th I thought they had done nothing for me...

I was going away on holiday - left work on the Friday (expected the "fuss" then ) Birthday on Tuesday - back the next Monday.

Never crossed my mind but they decided to do the fuss when I got back rather than before I went away - perhaps your work colleagues are doing that?

... on an aside - I find it amusing to write this as it is my 50th very soon and I am in a different place of work - I now don't celebrate birthdays and have even requested I am taken off the birthday list etc at my work and have kept it extremely quiet about my 50th and am desperate for it to pass without a murmur - from friends and family yet alone work! How things change!

Crunchymum · 06/07/2020 11:27

Moving out and anniversary presents?

I think my head is about to explode.

GinGenie · 06/07/2020 11:33

I got a birthday card from work 2 weeks late this year and they'd had a whip round (which they do for everyone) but literally gave me the envelope with all the change in it, not even converted the pound coins to a note. I'm talking 20ps and 10ps in there. Then this weekend I put in for the next person's birthday collection and theyve already bought them a beautiful candle and gift voucher. Hard not to feel shit about that given I've worked there for 8 years .

TeaAndBrie · 06/07/2020 11:36

I would possibly wait until when you return to work after your birthday. Hopefully they will have made the effort for you then :) if people are off on their birthday then I know in my office we often do it afterwards when they are back instead of beforehand Smile

Crystal87 · 06/07/2020 11:37

The same thing happened to me but it was for the birth of a baby. They had collected for another staff member who had a baby and everyone's birthdays but I never got anything ever. The next time they asked me to to put into a collection I said no and explained why. Few sarky comments but glad I spoke up for myself.

ShinyRuby · 06/07/2020 11:42

I hear you OP, I was off work for a big birthday but several people knew. Apart from a couple of true friends who bought me individual gifts, there was nothing else, no mention, nothing.
On returning to work, I was told I'd 'kept that quiet' by someone who definitely knewHmm
All that would be fine but other staff members have had over the top gifts, decorations, collections etc, so I was a bit hurt.
I also vowed to never put into a big birthday collection again!

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 06/07/2020 11:43

Wait and see what happens on your actual birthday. If it is coming up this week, you have no idea whether they have forgotten it or not (just because you didn't get cards and presents before you broke up).