Lettin my 16yo daughter's boyfriend in her room

[890kath]

she is getting an iud in a couple of weeks just to be extra careful for when she does have sex. my daughter and her boyfriend have been dating for 9 months and her boyfriend has only been over three times, she goes to his house very week instead. I have just been informed that she is allowed in his room, but im not allowing him in hers. I was never allowed boys in my room when I was her age. she has tried talking to me about it and says she will keep the door open and reminding me that I can check on them and see what they're doing but I just don't like the idea of a boy in her room so I say no. should I let her boyfriend in her room?

I'm stunned at the IUD for a 16year old.
God, that will put her off for life.
And if it doesn't she will still need to use condoms anyway so what's the point.

I had a coil fitted at 49 to control heavy bleeding. Ive had 3 DC, all born without pain relief so I'm not exactly pain adverse. I will never forget the pain. Absolute agony and made me pass out. Not to mention sevee cramp for 3 months afterwards.

God love her, are you sure she is fully informed about this?

If they want to have sex, they'll be having it (and great that she is already considering contraception). If you trust her and have spoken to her about all the things she needs to know to start making these kinds of decisions, yes, I would. I certainly was sleeping over at my boyfriend's house from 15 (he didn't come to mine, I was keen to get away from home). I didn't have sex until I was 18. I was responsible and level-headed. My mum trusted me that I'd made good decisions and I did. I think I would have doubted myself if I was told I couldn't be trusted to make those decisions for myself.

Her choice of contraceptive is between her and her doctor. Modern coils are more reliable than other forms of contraception like the Pill. I certainly had two coils fitted before I had children. They were uncomfortable but not awful or traumatic in any way. If she gets a 10-year copper coil (there are 5- and 10-year coils) she could be sorted until age 26! She does need to use condoms where appropriate to mitigate STI risk.

She is probably already having sex, OP. I would allow her to have her boyfriend in her room; much better that she have sex in a safe environment than in a park or the back of a car. You risk driving her away if you're too strict.

Much too young to be having sex

I actually agree with you, but that ship seems like it may have sailed, so OP needs to deal with practicalities like what she will allow to happen in her house.

Have a very frank talk with her though that this is absolutely what she wants, it’s not him pushing her. Her room should be her safe haven from the world, and it’s up to her who comes in and when.

I really don't understand why people are saying 16 is too young to be having sex. Legal age of consent in 16 in the UK so why would a teen of that age who has been in a relationship for 9 months be too young to have sex. I guess the trouble is these days that peoole do baby their teens so 16 probably does seem exceptionally young to many people.

Luckily the OPs daughter sounds pretty sensible and mature about it all.

I really don't understand why people are saying 16 is too young to be having sex. Legal age of consent in 16 in the UK so why would a teen of that age who has been in a relationship for 9 months be too young to have sex. I guess the trouble is these days that peoole do baby their teens so 16 probably does seem exceptionally young to many people

I do think 16 is still very young, but ultimately, it's their choice, yes.
I wouldn't be particularly happy really if my 16 year old daughter (or son, come to that) was having sex. I wouldn't try to stop her, though, as obviously it's impossible and counter productive. I would try to ensure she got contraception, was well informed about consent, risks and etc. (obviously informed well before 16!) and hope they were sensible.

OPs daughter does sound sensible, and well done to her- her daughter is obviously comfortable speaking with her about it, too.

Being very young to have sex or being too young are too different things. Some 16 yos will be in a good relationship and ready to have sex with someone they love but there are some girls I know at 18 who are still like children so I think it varies.

My 14 yo DS looks and acts much older than his 16 yo old friend, his friend hasn't even gone through puberty yet whereas DS did last year, friend is also generallyquite childlike. Not thinking about them with regards to either having sex but just that maturity levels vary so much I don't think you can say 16 is too young in all cases. Its also not a life long commitment