To not read a bedtime story?

Fishfingersandwichplease · 2020-07-05T20:01:56+00:00

DD is 8 nearly 9 - have always read to her at bedtimes unless we are having a late night, got friends round, special occasions that kind of thing but in general l read to her. BUT she is a great little reader herself, lovely and expressive, got good vocabulary etc so l know she can read to herself and l think it is a good habit to get into at bedtime but she just never wants to and tonight is freaking out because she is late to bed and needs to go to sleep so l said bit too late for a story. Told her l don't mind her reading to herself but she is screaming she wants me to. Writing this makes me sound really harsh and l do feel like maybe l have created this situation myself - not her fault she has always had one. Just made me wonder how old were your kids when you stopped reading to them and aibu thinking she could read to herself at bedtime?

Newchapter2020 · 05/07/2020 21:12

Usually the kids are happy to read to themselves, however if I asked if they wanted me to read, then they would love that more. It's that time of the day when it's relaxed and it's quiet, we usually use it as a bonding time. The oldest will always say yes to being read to...she's 12 years old.

FatherBrownsBicycle · 08/07/2020 08:16

10/11 years old. It was a lovely calm time together at the end of the day, a special shared one on one time. Yes sometimes reading feels a chore when you’re tired or you have stuff to do but, when several weeks have past without a story, and it hits you that they don’t want you to read to them ever again it’s very sad.

Jullilora · 08/07/2020 08:18

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babybythesea · 08/07/2020 08:34

DD is 11 and I still read every night. She is a great reader and will read to herself when my story is finished but we both enjoy it so I still do it. I just make sure I read books she wouldn’t generally pick up on her own. So we have read a lot of the children’s classics, like Anne of Green Gables and A Little Princess, while she reads books more like A series of unfortunate events to herself. I also like the fact it sparks discussions. We are reading His Dark Materials at the moment, and there was a reference to the Cold War. Had she read it alone, she would have skipped over it. As it was, I asked her what she knew about that and we ended up discussing, briefly, what the Cold War was.
It will stop at some point but as we both enjoy it and it doesn’t affect anyone else at all, then I will keep it up.

DD2 is much younger but she is also dyslexic and really struggles to read so I suspect I will also be reading to her for a long time or she just won’t read much.

For all of us, it is a way to spend a bit of time together, quietly, every day.

onlinelinda · 08/07/2020 08:38

My kids are now over 18 but I would say that reading to them before secondary school made a huge difference to their abilities later. If you can do it, I would continue. I do know it's time consuming though, and I know I didn't always feel like it in advance, although I was glad afterwards.

Clawdy · 08/07/2020 08:39

I let mine decide when they didn't need a bedtime story, and I did miss reading to them when it stopped. You only realise that there was a final bedtime story when it's in the past! It's quite gradual. Would love those days back again.

babybythesea · 08/07/2020 08:43

I’d also say, she is totally getting into the habit of a story at bedtime, and at some point she will do that by reading to herself. You have indeed created the habit but that is something to be very proud of! Just at the moment, while she can read to herself, she still wants to share it with you. I think that is brilliant. It’s the time in our day when DD is likely to tell me things that are worrying her so just as they start to become teenagers it’s one way of keeping a good channel of communication open.
I really wouldn’t worry. Like you say there will be nights when it’s far too late, or you’ve been out - fair enough. But in general I think go for it.
The other thing my two love is audiobooks. Some good CDs playing when they are in bed and lights are out but they can’t sleep...

SatsukiKusakabe · 08/07/2020 09:01

My ds is 9 and can read very well by himself but I read him a chapter of something and then he reads for a bit too. My 6 year old is just starting to read to herself as well. We do sometimes miss it if there’s no time but they don’t settle as well. My dh and I take turns with each child every night, and I still look forward to it as I try and choose enjoyable books for me too so it’s less of a chore, old favourites from my childhood etc. I’ve read The Railway Children, Little Women, Treasure Island, The Hobbit the Harry Potters and Diana Wynne Jones and have enjoyed them as much as they have and we talk about them during the day so I find myself looking forward to it.

I get sad when I think he might not want it sometime so happy to wait for it to happen naturally. I do think it’s great for them to continue reading to them - my son’s teacher said that a lot of parents stop around yr 4/5 when they can read themselves but it’s a pity as that’s the age you can begin more complex things and it can help with their comprehension if they are read things beyond their own level. I often find I stop and explain words he hasn’t come across or we talk about a situation and whether someone did the right thing.

Rosebel · 08/07/2020 09:09

My just turned 12 year still loves being read to even though she can read perfectly well by herself. My 14 year old stopped at about 10 and I miss our cuddles at story time.
My 3 week old just likes to suck the books

SometimesMaybe · 08/07/2020 09:12

We have a deal that I will read one book then they read a chapter on their own of a new book. It means they get the light on a bit later! My DD is a great little reader but hates trying new books so tends to read sets. To get her going in something new, I will often read the first couple of chapters to her to get her into it then leave her to read the rest on her own.

zingally · 08/07/2020 10:33

I'd say, if she still wants to, and you don't mind, carry on.

She won't be wanting a bedtime story when she's 13. :)

You'll look back on these sweet cuddly years with fondness in later life.

Sunnydayshereatlast · 08/07/2020 10:36

Could you agree alternate nights?
Ds 5 absolutely loves his bedtime story.
Dreading that stopping!

LightTheFlameThrower · 08/07/2020 10:40

Read to both of mine until they didn’t want me too. Still read to DS2 (age 11). sometimes on a weekend morning.

IndecentFeminist · 08/07/2020 10:42

Our older kids are 10 and 8, they still have a chapter or two of book with one of us before bed. Older one then tends to read in her bed for 20 mins or so, younger one does sometimes.

Still very much wanted on both sides here!

Carandi · 08/07/2020 10:46

I read to mine when they were younger but when they got to around 7/8 we had a selection of story CDs (in the days when CDs were still a thing!) My two DDs would take turns to select which story they wanted to hear. They'd often drop off while the CD was playing. It was easier for me too as they were in separate rooms but I'd put the CD player between their doorways and they could both clearly hear the story. They loved this and we amassed quite a collection of CDs.

woollyheart · 08/07/2020 11:12

Sounds like she is really enjoying having a peaceful time with you reading. I dreaded my children saying they didn't want a bedtime story because I enjoyed it so much. I managed to extend it a bit by reading children's books that were beyond their reading level. (e.g. The Hobbit). Eventually, they did ask to read on their own, but they had a real appetite for books by then.

If you really don't enjoy it, maybe encourage her to read to herself sometimes. But if you do enjoy it too, you don't have to stop just because she can read some books herself.

ShinyMe · 08/07/2020 11:24

Screaming at you because she hasn't got what she wants sounds a bit extreme....
I'm not sure I'd want to read to someone who screams at me.

Can you get her audible or something so she can listen to audio books in bed on the nights you don't read?

dameofdilemma · 08/07/2020 21:10

Dd is 8 and decides whether she wants to read to herself or us to read. It’s probably 50/50.
She’s a total bookworm so needs no encouragement to read. Even if she wasn’t, I wouldn’t choose bedtime as the time to make her read, she’s tired.

It’s nice cuddling up and we often end up chatting rather than reading.

rosiejaune · 08/07/2020 21:33

YABU; a bedtime story is important for multiple reasons. It doesn't matter whether they can read themselves or not.

I will read to my daughter (9) as long as she wants me to.

bestbrowsintown · 08/07/2020 21:39

My ds is turning 4, we read books during the day and have a chat about the day and what we're doing tomorrow at bedtime instead.
I've never understood why a story has to be at bedtime? We cuddle on his rocking chair in the dark chatting before bed. If I put the light on and read a story he'd be wide awake.

I remember reading to myself from about the age of 7-8 onwards, I was always a very independent child though. Maybe other children that age still like the comfort of a parent reading to them, especially if it's part of their bedtime routine.

bestbrowsintown · 08/07/2020 21:39

My ds is turning 4, we read books during the day and have a chat about the day and what we're doing tomorrow at bedtime instead.
I've never understood why a story has to be at bedtime? We cuddle on his rocking chair in the dark chatting before bed. If I put the light on and read a story he'd be wide awake.

I remember reading to myself from about the age of 7-8 onwards, I was always a very independent child though. Maybe other children that age still like the comfort of a parent reading to them, especially if it's part of their bedtime routine.

bestbrowsintown · 08/07/2020 21:39

My ds is turning 4, we read books during the day and have a chat about the day and what we're doing tomorrow at bedtime instead.
I've never understood why a story has to be at bedtime? We cuddle on his rocking chair in the dark chatting before bed. If I put the light on and read a story he'd be wide awake.

I remember reading to myself from about the age of 7-8 onwards, I was always a very independent child though. Maybe other children that age still like the comfort of a parent reading to them, especially if it's part of their bedtime routine.

IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 · 08/07/2020 21:43

Many may find this strange, but even as long married adults we very occassionally indulge in an "bedtime story" After a dreadful day / week/ month - it is very soothing to actually just snuggle up and be read to! It washes away my thoughts of the day and I can drift off into a fantasy land , nothing aggressive or antagonistic, just ""that sounds good". It's not age-limited!

Dizzywizz · 08/07/2020 21:50

That sounds nice @IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 - I remember me and now Dh read the beach to each other when it came out - taking it in turns - and it was lovely. No idea why we didn’t do it again. Though we did used to listen to audible books in the car together when the children were young and slept on long journeys.

RuthW · 08/07/2020 21:51

I read bedtime stories until she was at senior school.