To not read a bedtime story?

[Fishfingersandwichplease]

DD is 8 nearly 9 - have always read to her at bedtimes unless we are having a late night, got friends round, special occasions that kind of thing but in general l read to her. BUT she is a great little reader herself, lovely and expressive, got good vocabulary etc so l know she can read to herself and l think it is a good habit to get into at bedtime but she just never wants to and tonight is freaking out because she is late to bed and needs to go to sleep so l said bit too late for a story. Told her l don't mind her reading to herself but she is screaming she wants me to. Writing this makes me sound really harsh and l do feel like maybe l have created this situation myself - not her fault she has always had one. Just made me wonder how old were your kids when you stopped reading to them and aibu thinking she could read to herself at bedtime?

@Dizzywizz

That sounds nice *@IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0* - I remember me and now Dh read the beach to each other when it came out - taking it in turns - and it was lovely. No idea why we didn’t do it again. Though we did used to listen to audible books in the car together when the children were young and slept on long journeys.

We are both from Europe , so many of the stories have a common basis but different details eg. Aschenputtel / Cinderella , Schneewittchen/Snow White, die Brüder Grimm - it was always interesting to hear a well known story but with different aspects - I found it fascinating, but could still fall into a lovely comfy sleep! Maybe we should take it up again and switch the rubbush T.V. off!

I have a 9.5 year old who is similar to your dd in her attachment to a bedtime story. The younger and older ones are not bothered if we miss it some evenings, but she gets really upset.

I've realised that in her mind it's an extremely important part of her bed time routine so I don't refuse her. If it's late and she's upset at the suggestion of skipping the story, we read just a page or two and it's enough for her. I would take your dds lead - some constants are just really important to children's sense of security.

The 12 year old usually listens in for the younger ones stories, and just recently I read a book of his choosing (took about a month 😂 to get through it). I loved reading to him again.

DH is currently reading The Hobbit to the 12yo. All 3DC like to be read to, youngest is just 7 so he still chooses the books but for the older two they can read whatever they want but DH or I choose the books we read to them and always go for more challenging children's classics. As a PP said it's a good time for a one to one chat with an older child as well.

Sometimes children like to regress a little bit and feel safe and comforted by something as simple as being read to.

I think sharing stories has no age limit, how many of us read a news article to our husband/wife/partner?

I have read to my teenage sons because we like to share a story. Plus as PP mentioned it means you get to discuss stuff. This is especially important for primary school children because comprehension is incredibly important. It is actually what we ask children in schools when they read to staff. Why does Billy feel angry? Why did Jessica do that? How do you think Kiera feels?

Keep reading to her, even if it is just 5 minutes. Just because you can read doesn't mean it isn't great to share a story.

Any child of 8yo screaming at me would get fuck all.

But yes, I still read to my 8yo at bedtime. She then reads to herself for another 45mins when I've gone downstairs. But if she acted like yours has tonight? No fucking way.

I never read to my DD. She never wanted me to, bed was for sleep not for listening to stories!

I think I stopped around 8 or so. Neither kid are great readers but I am and I e always encouraged them to read. My kids were getting themselves to bed then and I think my daughter would read her book from school to me rather than me read to her.
But it's nice your child still wants you to read so I'd keep doing it - a short few pages if you are noth tired.

I thought “screaming that she wanted me to” referred to op’s dd being upset, and crying, following “freaking out”, not that she was being aggressive.

I’m guessing it’s the sudden change in routine being hard to cope with while overtired, rather than bad behaviour but only the op knows that. Maybe it’s worth having a chat about what time she needs to get in bed if she wants a story etc in future so she’s prepared. I say to mine that there won’t be time for a story if it gets past such and such a time and they accept that better than if I say “no story” abruptly at lights out. Also I give them a choice if they’re playing - extra time playing or story but don’t expect me to read if you come up late etc, and they usually choose to have one.

I still read to my 10 year old and although the 12 year old doesn't usually want a story these days he still sometimes asks for one. It's great getting into older books and it opens out some discussions. TBH I think they like the 1:1 more than the story though.

I’d really recommend The Read Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease- makes a really good case for reading aloud to your child for as long as they’ll let you.

I read to my eldest until he refused to tolerate it any longer at just turned 15. Still reading to 12 and 13 year olds. Read things that are harder than they’d tackle themselves - 1984, Catcher in the Rye etc.

lilyfire, I like that.

DC are 10 and 7, we spend far too long on their bedtime story every night probably, but it totally is the nicest thing. Gives us lots to talk about in the day, and bonds them as siblings to a shared experience. With 3 years apart, I am aware that DC2 is possibly at the younger end of some of the texts I pick (upper KS2 teacher) but it's been fine so far. I'm not stopping until they kick me out in their teens.

I loved my dad reading to me when I was younger. They are some of the best memories I have of him from my childhood. Sadly it ended when he left my mum. I saw a different side of him when he read to me, he'd do voices and make the books come alive. I mainly remember him reading David Kossoff's Bible stories (not that our family were particularly religious). I'm 39 now and still remember feeling safe and loved when he read to me.

DD is 11 and an avid reader. She still gets a bedtime story. It isn’t about the story, it’s about the ritual and she loves it. Sometimes she reads a chapter to me, but most often I read to her.

She shows no sign of stopping and I have no intention of forcing her to give it up. If it’s a late night we just do a couple of pages.

What’s your bedtime ritual? Imagine if someone decided you couldn’t do one part of it. Would that be ok with you?

I still read to my two fluent readers - I read to them our shared book and then they read some of their own books.

I think that it's a helpful routine that helps the dc settle to bed, so I don't skip reading when it's late, but I might only read a little bit.

I absolutely love reading to my 10 yo. We have read children's classics he would never have picked up and really gone through it with some of the books. We even read animal farm and he loved it not a stealth boast I was very proud when he said of the Dominic Cummins saga - just like the pigs mum!

I think YABU to suddenly stop bedtime stories with an 8yr old.
I read to mine until they spontaneously said they no longer wanted a bedtime story.
If I had to stop before then due to circumstances, I would have forewarned the child and phased it out or replaced it with something else.
To just stop out of nowhere will seem like a punishment to the child.

DD is 9 and for the last year or so has preferred to read in bed herself. Every few months she'll ask me to read her a chapter or so, but this is getting more rare. She reads every night and I like to think this is after the 7 years or so that preceded that of bedtime stories that DH or I read to her.

I think I was still wading through harry potter with DS at that age. I read the whole series to him. He also used to listen to audiobooks too although one of us used to read to him first.

I still read to my 12 and 10 year old (separately). Probably only a couple of times a week . But it's a great way for me to read classics I've never read before, and get them into books they would never have touched. But i do read quite early in the eve, when the toddler has just gone to bed, and then they go off and read themselves- so I'm done by 8ish, there's no way I would be reading to them at the time they usually turn their lights out....