Sex question

[damnthisvirusandmarriage]

If you refuse to have sex with your husband and then he sulks and tantrums is that Even remotely normal?

I get blamed for teasing him when I start to (been pestered into it) and then I’m so repulsed by it I just have to make excuses and stop. Then sulking and punishing me with not being helpful and jolly etc.

Back story to this. But just wanted to know thoughts.

I read it as something that has happened in the past. And the OP is trying to understand what was going on as she is going through the freedom program.

@damnthisvirusandmarriage, no it’s not normal. None of it was.
It’s not normal to be pestered into sex.
It’s not normal to be insulted or called a cunt
It’s. Not normal to give the silent treatment or manipulate situations

And was normal is for you to be repulsed or to refuse to have sex.

Did he sometimes still pushed more for sex?

My ex used to do this, it's repulsive! It's a form of emotional blackmail, it's definitely not normal.

@damnthisvirusandmarriage

Honestly. Some of the women on here are as bad as the abusive men themselves.

I’m reflecting on past experiences with my STBXH. Trying to make sense of it.

Forget about those @damnthisvirusandmarriage. They clearly can’t read

@GladAllOver

So you've left him but you're still prick-teasing. Nice.

You vile piece of work

I’m reflecting on past experiences with my STBXH. Trying to make sense of it.

I don't think you can actually. Sometimes we have to understand that we cannot understand everything and what's in someone's head and why they behaved certain way. As frustrating as it can be, sometimes we just have to shrug our shoulders and be quite happy we can't understand why did x enjoy torturing us. We are just too good to get it. If you see what I mean

@Pinkyyy

If you've left him you shouldn't be teasing him and then leaving halfway through when you realise your mistake.

FFS! Read the FFT!

No, not remotely normal or OK. I have a loving dh. He wouldn't dream of doing anything like this and he's not perfect! Just normal.

Sounds like you're well rid. Hope the road to recovery is quick for you

so he nags and coerced you into sex (you say he pestered you) and then you cant actually bring yourself to go through with it, then you were right to split up
sulking and tantrums and name calling doesnt generally put women in the mood.
he sounds nasty and Id move forward and not dwell on his nasty behaviour
and I wish people would learn to read

I was thinking about the exact thing today about my ex OP, he’d have a tantrum if I was tired because of the baby, not in the mood etc etc and would sulk and give me the cold shoulder. He made me feel sick when we did have sex so we went our separate ways. I don’t think it’s normal for a man to sulk if he doesn’t get his leg over, he should be respectful that a woman can say no and that’s that. Disappointed yes fine, but to show it and sulk like a toddler isn’t attractive.

You are well rid!

Sometimes I am not in the mood and my DH is. He’s disappointed but never sulks and we’ll just cuddle up instead. He also never calls me names! Absolutely not acceptable for him to do that to you.

I don’t care how close to sex you got before saying no, it was your right to say no and that does not make you a prick-tease! Fucking hell! What is wrong with people?!?

It's not normal and I'm very glad you are no longer with him. Mine gets a tiny bit more grumpy if we go a few weeks without sex, same as me really. He'd just give me a cuddle if I said no.

@GladAllOver that’s a vile response. If you’re a woman that’s even worse.

also
its ok to withdraw consent at any point
you can actually BE HAVING SEX and then decide that you want to stop

Im really shocked at some of the comments here

No it's not normal and if someone pressured and cajoled me (and sulked and tantrummed) I'd feel repulsed too.

Flip it the other way. You're pestered into it. So you are repulsed by his behaviour before you give in. This is abuse. If you are giving in because you fear his reaction, it is abuse. If it's abuse, of course you don't want sex with him.

My ex called me a frigid nun and having sex with me was like a fucked up rape. Yep, no shit it was a fucked up rape! Of course I didn't want sex with him!

@GladAllOver

So you've left him but you're still prick-teasing. Nice.

Really shocked to see the expression prick teasing on MN.

It's not normal OP. If lack of sex is an ongoing issue then normal, decent, men address it by having a conversation with their wife to get to the bottom of what's going on

Bullying, sulking, and trying to push into it is something that an abuser does because they believe their wants and wishes are the single most important thing in the world

It’s normal for one or other partner to occasionally not be in the mood. You should be able to say No at any point before or during without your partner getting angry. I have been known to say no. My partner (and all previous partners) have been maybe mildly disappointed but certainly not annoyed. We’d have a cuddle and a chat instead!

Consent is not a continuous agreement. You are well within your rights to decide at ANY point that you don't want to continue any part of sex. Doesn't matter if it's mid foreplay, or mid penetration. If you decide that you don't want to continue, you partner needs to stop what they are doing straight away and respect your decision. Any partner who sulks or engages in revenge driven behaviours by way of "punishment" is a cunt of the highest order. Your body, your choice. Your ex was a knob.

Thank you for the kind and sensible responses. They really help me validate my feelings, as adverse as they are about this situation.

Also to 'expect' sex twice a week for married couples?! Where did he pluck that number from and why is it that he gets to decide!

Well done for getting rid. He sounds awful! Take care xxxxxx

Why are some people so horrid to others on here? I just don't get it.
Glad to hear that you are out of that relationship

What's the point of this thread? You ask if his behaviour is normal and then you say that you already split up because he was abusive. So obviously you know it wasn't normal.