to be annoyed that im 'expected' to have more children?

Not being unreasonable to be annoyed - why don't people just keep their noses out and opinions to themselves?

Just rise above and learn to tune it out - it will help your blood pressure

People can be so insensitive can't they?

I think I would be tempted to remind them that you are incredibly thankful to have one healty child when you consider the number of childless couples who are desperate for children.

Of course it is not selfish to have only one child - what a horrible thing to say, there is no guarantee that anyone can conceive so to put that pressure on someione is intolerable. There is lots of research that only children do very well at school and in life - cannot point you to any now but if you search MN and google i am sure you will come up with it and hopefully that will shut them up for good!

YANBU. It's none of anyone else's business!

It being selfish to have only one, is the comment of someone who is just trotting out something they've heard said, and have given it no thought whatsoever. There are many, many advantages to having and being an only, many children thrive on it.

Not that anyone has ever said it to me, but if they were to, I'd say what my good friend said to me when I told her we were only having one "well, why have more, you got it right first time" I thought that was so lovely

You're NOT selfish, you're just enjoying being a mum to your child and you don't want to change that. That is not being selfish.

Don't let them undermine you!

tell them to get stuffed.

My mil has similar attitude to this, although she's never been the one to put pressure on, she certainly has made remarks in the past about only children being a certain type of person, about "well x is an only child so ..." ... you get the picture.

I have an only child and it is likely to remain that way through fertility issues not choice, and the idea that people will still judge me for that makes me very . After all, there are many childless couples out there unable to have any children, at least you have one, and anything else is none of anyone else's business.

What I find amazing is how narrow people's opinion is of how many children is ideal - i.e. 2

If you have 1 you are 'selfish', if you have 3 you are 'mad', if you have more than three you must be careless with contraception or selfish

YANBU - absolutely nobody's business - and one is perfectly ok,if that's what you want. It's what we chose.

YANBU, tell them it's better for the environment to have fewer children

YANBU. It is your choice.

Oh, ignore them.
I must admit I always said after DD that I was never going to have anymore, and am now pregnant with my third, but that is down to lifestyle/relatioship changes, not because I was 'selfish'.
I think it is more selfish to have more children than you feel is right for your family or than you can afford.
I used to think that at least if I only had one at least I could afford the horse/dance/drama etc that she wanted to do, but she dropped out of all of it hahaha.
It is your family and your choice.
YANBU

Mimi03 - you are quite right to have no more children than you want, and any one who indicates that you ought to have more is impertinent. Don't worry too much about it though, because you can't please every one whatever you do. It must be v irritating listening to know-it-all Mil who thinks she knows your mind better than you. Yes there are advantages to children having siblings, but there can also be disadvantages. You are not selfish in making your own decision based on your own preference and circumstances. It would be selfish and silly, purposely to have more children than you know you can cope with. The only person who has a right to a say in the matter is your dh.

I meant to say, the only other person ....

People say stupid things. After we had our secoind my mil kept telling me that two were quite enough. Hah! Quite enough for her - fine. Not me. Anyway, it's none of her business, it's entirely up to dh and me to decide. Interestingly she hasn't said a word about this since no3 was born. I'd be happy to seriously consider a 4th, but I know it wont' happen. Not telling her that though . But I'm glad I held my tongue with her - so many times I very nearly told her where to go.

YANBU

Those kinds of comments are neverending. If you do have another and it turns out to be the same gender as the first child you will then get the "But don't you want to have a boy/girl?" (Delete as appropriate). If the 3rd child turns out to be of the opposite sex to the first two children you then get "If you have an odd number then someone's always going to feel left out. You have to have another one to even things out." Gah!

Stick to your guns.

I am the flip side... preg with number 2, and my dad keeps saying "thats it now isnt it" - just keep telling him not his decision.

YANBU - none of her business.

If you're feeling evil you could just pretend to get really upset and then say 'Actually we have been told we can't have anymore and I'm too upset to talk about it!' That would shut her up sharpish!!! Its a shame to even have to consider this though - why do so many people (and sometimes people who are strangers or only acquaintances!) think that they deserve a say on this subject?!

Having said that I don't think there's anything wrong with having as few or as many children that as you choose - agree with other posters that its far more selfish to bring children you can't afford / cope with into the world and that the only other person whos opinions count here is your dp.

yanbu

i have two and would like another and my mum and mil are like thats it now isn't it there's no more??

well we'll see

I only have one and my family haven't ever questioned that but friends with more than one child seem to find it hard to understand.

In my case I didn't expect to have any so to have even one is a complete bonus! Even though the chances of me conceiving again are about a million to one I think I'd still be happy to settle with dd. I'm so enjoying our time together and I don't want anything to change. I don't think it's selfish, there are pros and cons to having an only child. So long as you're clear on those and you've got the child's best interests at heart it's fine.

I always just answer "I'm happy with what I've got."

Have the number of children that you want, that you can cope with and that you can afford to raise.

And bugger the MIL!

(Not literally, of course)

YANBU - and if people keep on about it, I think you are entitled to up the rudeness level as they do the same. We will only have the one child, and I often get people going on about it (including MIL who told DH we were cruel to make DS an only child), and I go from 'its our decision and we're happy with it' to 'how many more miscarriages do you think I should have then?' - which usually shuts them up, but some people never get the message !

Well, mimi03, I'll see your 'selfish' and raise you a 'cruel'

That was said to me a couple of years ago and I still feel guilty that they might be right rather than outraged that they felt it was any of their business!

The thought that other people think I'm being cruel to my ds by not having more kids is awful

sorry cmotdibbler - see you are also cruel! I just read OP and instantly sympathised so much I had to post.