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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New potential love interest and child

51 replies

Magicra84 · 04/07/2020 19:46

So there's a divorced man who is really keen to get to know me more. We've known each other a few months in passing in the local area.

We recently added each other on Facebook and looking through his photos there's an album entitled 'my son, childs name'. I questioned him about this as he said he has no children and he says it's his favourite nephew who he's really close to and he calls him his son. Alarm bells are still ringing though, especially as I had a man not long ago lying about a child he doesn't have contact with. AIBU to still be suspicious?

OP posts:
inmyshoos · 04/07/2020 19:48

Sounds weird. I'd definitely be suspicious. Who would call someone a son unless obviously joking.... Like on my neighbours fb she refers to my dd1 as 'my other daughter' but she is in pics with her dd and it's obviously not serious. An album is another matter.

Original poster
Magicra84 · 04/07/2020 19:53

Yes, @inmyshoos I just think why would you on a Facebook photo album say he's your son? He has strong family values and is Muslim but I'm not sure that really makes much of a difference really?

OP posts:
BoomyBooms · 04/07/2020 19:53

The simplest answer is usually the correct answer. It's his son.

ShebaShimmyShake · 04/07/2020 19:56

I have literally never known anyone to do this.

MissClarke86 · 04/07/2020 19:58

Could it be a cultural phrase? I know some people call family friends “aunt” etc.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 04/07/2020 20:00

You don't know him. Be very wary.

Neapolitanicecream · 04/07/2020 20:03

Yeh he’s lying don’t know why but my Muslim boyfriend did this to me. He got married had kids and was stringing me along all the time. I felt a fool and was the last to find out

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 04/07/2020 20:12

It’s his son it’s there right in front of you

We call family and family friends auntie/uncle as many Asian cultures do but no one calls me their daughter apart from my parents

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 04/07/2020 20:16

Listen to your gut!
It sounds very suspicious. Especially in their culture....

Piper1879 · 04/07/2020 20:16

Sorry OP I agree with others it's definitely his son , unfortunately I had the same situation with an ex who had a portrait tattoo of a child on his arm , claimed it was his nephew , it was his son

Original poster
Magicra84 · 04/07/2020 20:23

Thank you for your replies. He is absolutely insisting it's his nephew. I can't believe him though. How can people deny their children? Ffs, it's a crazy world out there!

OP posts:
Original poster
Magicra84 · 04/07/2020 20:25

If he said he had a son to begin with, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 04/07/2020 20:26

Tell him you'd like to meet his sister.

AdultFishcakes · 04/07/2020 20:29

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

Original poster
Magicra84 · 04/07/2020 20:31

He's saying the kids are closer to him than they are his brother (their dad) and because he lives with his parents they spend a lot of time at his with their grandparents so they're all very close.

OP posts:
Pogmella · 04/07/2020 20:35

@letmethinkaboutitfornow what do you mean ‘especially in their culture’?!

Backbackandforth · 04/07/2020 20:38

How has he approached you meeting up? Has it been quite open, so say public dates (although I’m not sure how that works right now) or is it more he comes to your place?

It’s not entirely impossible what he’s saying is truth - but as a PP has already said the simplest answer is often correct. His actions in other situations will tell you the truth soon though if you want to take a chance.

Delbelleber · 04/07/2020 20:43

Does the "nephew" call him dad

Monkeynuts18 · 04/07/2020 20:44

YANBU at all to be suspicious. Agree with @BoomyBooms - the simplest answer is usually the correct one.
What sorts of photos are in the album? Are they just pictures of the little boy or are they pictures of the two of them together?

ItsSpittingEverybodyIn · 04/07/2020 21:01

Nah, don't bother with this one.

ResumetonormalASAP · 04/07/2020 21:04

Run, run as fast as you can.

An album saying my son, X that is not his son...... Why not say my nephew X etc....

People lie because they are cheats otherwise just tell the truth

ResumetonormalASAP · 04/07/2020 21:06

A friend had met a man who had 'married' on his facebook - he was still married lied about everything else but forgot to change FB so it was there clear to see.

Perhaps he forgot to limit what you could see - oops - so now his 'son' is not really his 'son' very strange

AIMD · 04/07/2020 21:07

It is a bit suspicious but on the other hand I know my neighbour jokes about his son’s best mate being his “son” because he spends so much time there. So I don’t think it’s beyond the realm in possibility.

Why not say that you thinks it’s lovely they’re close and ask to meet his sister and nephew one day. Is his sister on Facebook with picture of the same child?

SunbathingDragon · 04/07/2020 21:11

I would say he is both a father and a liar. Run.

TooTiredTodayOk · 04/07/2020 21:13

Of course it's his son, the nephew thing is such utter bollocks I'd have called him out on it there and then.

Next thing you'll be asking us is "the child calls him dad, he says that's their family's way of addressing an uncle, is this suspicious?" Grin