AIBU re getting upset over “ripped off with funeral cost”

[GlendaPickle]

Due to lockdown we have not seen our relatives and social distancing bbq.

My father passed away in November and on Christmas Day my husbands uncle made a snide comment that “you didn’t half get ripped off with the cost of your dads funeral”. I was livid I just walked away from him and my father in law rather than get involved in a row. Actions speak louder than words

When I told my husband a few weeks later he was horrified.

I have just cut off all contact since with this branch of the family.

When I see him Tonight I feel I must say something. But how do I approach it without making a scene?

I have no idea what caused this comment.

That is the kind of comment my mum would come out with, she thinks prices are still the same as in the 1950s 🤷‍♀️

Funerals are a lot more expensive than people expect them to be, but I don't see why one remark is a reason to cut off a branch of the family!

Why do they even know how much his funeral cost?
I think, the grief of losing your father, made you react quite strongly to this off the cuff comment. Let it go.

Did you get ripped off though?

I’m confused as to why his comment was offensive?

@Bartlet

Are you normally this much of a drama queen?

Little harsh - OP had just lost her Dad. #bekind

I also don't understand why that remark was so offensive. A little insensitive perhaps to mention it but nothing that warrants this level of reaction.

In short, yes yabu.
I’m sorry about your dad

"Little harsh - OP had just lost her Dad. #bekind"

OP has cut off an entire branch of family because on person had the temerity to suggest that she was overcharged for her dad's funeral. I think your # is directed in the wrong direction.

His comment was thoughtless. Your reaction was over the top, though understandable in the circumstances. There is literally nothing to be gained by bringing it up again now, however. Let it go.

@DappledThings

I also don't understand why that remark was so offensive. A little insensitive perhaps to mention it but nothing that warrants this level of reaction.

The comment was designed to hurt OP's feelings. Why else would you make a disparaging remark about a recent funeral to their bereaved family member?

Grief makes things harder for people. Emotions run high. Things you may be able to take in your stride at other times become very difficult.

But how does he even know how much the funeral cost?

@rawlikesushi

"Little harsh - OP had just lost her Dad. #bekind"

OP has cut off an entire branch of family because on person had the temerity to suggest that she was overcharged for her dad's funeral. I think your # is directed in the wrong direction.

IMO the reaction of the OP was extreme and on the surface, unwarranted.

But she did not deserve to be asked if she was normally a drama queen. She was/is grieving, and a little kindness and empathy costs us nothing.

OP of course you can have a chat with them if you want to. I don't understand the posters that say the time has passed. People process grief in different ways and this comment could have been nothing or something. You won't know until you hear their side. And at times it is good to have had a bit of a distance to let emotions settle. They may well feel the same.

Why else would you make a disparaging remark about a recent funeral to their bereaved family member?

Well I did say it was a bit insensitive. But I don't get why it's so offensive. Is it disparaging? Funerals are expensive. Venues can overcharge. It may have easily been a clumsy attempt at sympathising. I still think OP is massively overreacting.

I think you’ve been incredibly unkind towards DH’s side of the family and it sounds like you’re using the bizarre off the cuff remark as the perfect excuse to go no contact with them.

You either don’t like them anyway or is it that in the midst of grieving, you’re feeling angry that his parents are still alive? If that’s the case, maybe give yourself longer to recover and limit visits until you can act more rationally.

It was an insensitive comment. You don't need to say anything; he's the one who made the comment. If you had to say anything, you should have done it at the time, although walking away as you did would make your response just as powerful.

Horrible of him.

How did your husband's uncle know the cost of your father's funeral?

Yanbu to feel hurt by such a crass and insensitive remark. However the time to address it is past. Lockdown has probably meant you have dwelled upon it more than it deserved or is healthy. By all means do not engage with uncle but you risk alienating the rest of his family if you cannot move forward.

I really don't understand what he did wrong, sorry.

Maybe you were ripped off and the comment was just thoughtless rather than snide or meant to hurt. When my DM died, I did the arrangements and if it weren’t for the help of my aunt, I would have been ripped off. I was only 24 and had no idea how much funeral things should cost! Anyway, it’s not a criticism of you, but of the funeral providers taking advantage of someone grieving and vulnerable.

it was an awful comment to make to you.

Do you really mean you cut off an entire branch of family due to one person? Or do you actually mean you haven't seen them recently (because covid)?

It was insensitive, but some people are prone to putting their foot in their mouth. But it seems a bit excessive to cut off one person for that remark, let alone a whole branch of the family. What have the others you’ve cut-off got to do with it?

You have really lost the plot here I’m afraid. Sorry for your grief. Maybe that it affecting your reasoning.