To think having a child can worsen anxiety?

[sunflower1993]

Hi all,

I've recently been considering TTC however I've had a massive relapse with my anxiety over the past few months.

It's so extreme that the tiniest thought has begun to spiral out of control and I can't actually keep track of all my worries. I'm getting the 'dread' feeling almost every 5 minutes.

I've had CBT, multiple therapies and I've been on many different medications. However after 8 years of suffering from GAD, depression and obsessional thoughts, I feel as thought that I have to accept a life ruled by my 'spikes', good days, bad weeks and occasionally... absolutely dreadful months.

I'm starting to question whether it's worth starting a family as I feel I'd become so over-protective and constantly panicking about my children. I feel as thought I'd go from worrying about everything to do with myself to everything concerning them.

Really, I'm looking for some positive stories of anxiety getting better after the birth of a child. Alas, I am not hopeful

Think you need to get help for your poor mental health before having children. It definitely gets worse and you risk passing your problems onto them

I always have had anxiety and have to say that mine has got worse since having kids. I think it's more to do with the stress of then being responsible for others that increases it.

I would speak to someone about it as you would be at high risk to PND I think.

I’d love to reassure you, but you’re right. I was always a worrier, but it grew exponentially after having my DC. I was gripped with breathtaking panic for the first three years. Then it calmed down, then skyrocketed again when Y7 hit. I had a terrible time at high school and I know I shouldn’t transfer my anxiety (doesn’t seem to be bothering DS at all, he’s very happy go lucky) but I feel sick all the time with worth. I can be a control freak, and I am medicated for GAD though.

*worry, not worth

Sorry OP, I love my children but they have had a negative effect on my mental health.

Absolutely, yes they impact negatively on mental health. I'd focus on your own well being and park family planning.

Just echoing other posters. The hormones of pregnancy alone can trigger anxiety or make it worse. Then you've got to consider sleep deprivation, loss of independence (at least in the early stages) and the fears of something happening over you or them. There's also stress associated with balancing schedules and finances. None of this means you shouldn't have children, but you have to have some really good support, good personal insight and some anxiety management strategies in place.

Anxiety increases hugely after having children.

Another one saying it gets worse with children, sorry :(

Ditto other posters I never suffered from anxiety until DC came along, now I have dreadful health anxiety and constantly worry about one of us getting seriously ill. I should seek help really.

Similarly to other posters, I've always been a bit of a worrier but nothing too extreme however since having my DD I have found my anxiety levels increase dramatically - I have so much anxiety surrounding her and my health and well-being it really is quite significant now that I reflect on it.
I would recommend ensuring you are in the best place possible as regards mental health before embarking on parenthood - it really, really has affected me in a way I didn't know possible

I agree with PP. I couldn't enjoy my pregnancy as I was so worried about something going wrong. Now I have other things to worry about! I will say though that having a child has absolutely changed my life and is worth it. It's also distracted me from my OCD to a certain extent so you could find things aren't quite as bad as you envisage.

I would still suggest you seek help before ttc.

Good luck.

I agree with PP, I don't think you'll be able to enjoy parenthood with your anxiety so high. Also it's really important we don't pass on anxiety to our children. You've got to be able to reassure your children that every thing is ok and there's nothing to worry about continually and that might be difficult for you. Maybe wait for one year and see how you are then. Spend some time around children more/ pregnant friends to get an insight on what it would really be like to be a parent. Sorry you are suffering with it so much. You can change it, I wouldn't give up x

Agree with other posters. Parenthood is difficult and needs huge consideration. And it's not the be all either. It is far more important to focus on your mental health. One life. That's it.

Yeah 100% makes anxiety and related conditions worse. Sorry ☹️

My anxiety is absolutely horrendous and is sooooo much worse since having children. Without a doubt, having chhas destroyed my mental health. Before children, I could manage/control the rare spikes of anxiety I had really well. I loved life. Since kids, I haven't slept properly for 8 years, my career has suffered greatly, and day to day life is really stressful. Honestly, I wouldn't have them if I were you.

My anxiety has been worse and so has my depression.
But the love I feel for my kids and the joy they bring has pushed me to try harder to be well. I’ve finally found medication and a way to live my life that allows me to be happy!!! It took years to find the right medication but I did. Good luck OP. Whatever you decide.

Okay so I have a slightly differenr viewpoint on this. I've always had horrible anxiety that comes in bouts for weeks / months at a time. When my first child was born I was paranoid about harming him accidentally. When he started to move I was so worried about him swallowing something harmful I literally could not take my eyes off him. I ended up on a perinatal low mood and anxiety course with other women, which helped, and then got taken on as an individual client by the lady running the course. She literally changed my life. She gave my techniques to deal with things, I worked REALLY bloody hard, and since my second son was born over a year ago I have not experienced a serious bout of anxiety. I still have anxious moments bit I seem to be able to get them under control. So... It can be done! But get help xx

I never suffered with anxiety prior to having my children. When my first was a baby I began to experience GAD. After a few years this diminished. After my second was born I've been utterly consumed by health anxiety. Its torturous. Currently having CBT. I would 100% try to address your anxiety before having children.

I had anxiety before my DD and suffered increased anxiety, obsessive thoughts and PND to the point I was suicidal for about 6 months after she was born. I have come out the other side now and I don’t want to scare you but it is the reality that your mental health takes a huge hit. The emotions, worry, sleep deprivation, hormones make for a perfect storm especially for a person who already suffers mentally.
I had a great counsellor but without her I would’ve been snookered. Think very carefully about what to do and if you decide to have a child I’d ensure you have a water tight support network ready to help you if you need it.
Good luck OP

Yes definitely.

I've suffered with GAD and OCD tendencies for as long as I can remember, but it's only after having children that I've sought treatment for it (CBT after DC1, and now after DC2 I'm finally taking ADs which have been life changing).

I've come to the conclusion that my issues are most likely chemical, as I've never had much resilience when there's a hint of anything going wrong and freak out (I'm talking quite minor stuff too) so I'll probably need to be on the ADs long term. I don't mind as I said it's been life changing for my family and I; I still worry but probably to a more "normal" extent.

I probably would never have sought treatment until I had the DC though, as my anxiety was never so bad. Life is stressful with DC, it puts strain on relationships, more potential for things to go "wrong", so for me it was a catastrophe waiting to happen.

I had mild but not debilitating anxiety before children. From about 6 months pregnant it started to get worse and now, two children later it is very much debilitating. I hate it. I’m so terrified that I’m going to lose one of them. Or that I’m going to die and leave them. It’s awful. It’s made me so incredibly risk adverse. I’d recommend getting some help first as it sounds like yours is already worse than mine to begin with.

Sorry to say but yes Anxiety definitely increases with children. I've always suffered with it slightly but since having my second child I've had to start taking medication for it.

I'm a lot less anxious since having children, I think it might be to do with hormones in my case.
I've always been pregnant or breastfeeding the last nearly 5 years, and only had periods for a bit in the middle when DS1 was a toddler and they were lighter/less painful.

I agree with others you should work on your mental health before TTC but I just wanted to give you a bit of hope that having children doesn't automatically make anxiety worse

I wasnt an anxious person at all until I had children. Then I turned into my mother, always worrying.