To think having a child can worsen anxiety?

[sunflower1993]

Hi all,

I've recently been considering TTC however I've had a massive relapse with my anxiety over the past few months.

It's so extreme that the tiniest thought has begun to spiral out of control and I can't actually keep track of all my worries. I'm getting the 'dread' feeling almost every 5 minutes.

I've had CBT, multiple therapies and I've been on many different medications. However after 8 years of suffering from GAD, depression and obsessional thoughts, I feel as thought that I have to accept a life ruled by my 'spikes', good days, bad weeks and occasionally... absolutely dreadful months.

I'm starting to question whether it's worth starting a family as I feel I'd become so over-protective and constantly panicking about my children. I feel as thought I'd go from worrying about everything to do with myself to everything concerning them.

Really, I'm looking for some positive stories of anxiety getting better after the birth of a child. Alas, I am not hopeful

Yes, it makes it worse, sometimes a lot worse, and you won't have time to regroup, rest and focus on yourself.
Sorry.
I have one ds and I won't be having another, my mental health just wouldn't cope, I'd be miserable.

I have had thousands of pounds of private CBT over 10 years, and pregnancy and new motherhood still hit me so, so hard. I was suicidal for a long while.

I agree. Having children wrecked my mental health. I was a bit of a worrier too before, but having children amplified that massively.

I have always been mildly anxious but my anxiety is crippling since having ds. He has considerable sen which probably increases anxiety more.

Yes I'd say so OP. I've had depression and anxiety throughout my adult life and having children made it much worse. I had crushing PND with my first, and I think you'd be at risk too. I'm sorry

@Porcupineinwaiting I’m the exact same!

Echo everyone else - I hadn't had an episode of depression or anxiety for at least a decade before having my baby, but got severe PND/A and ended up on medication. I was supported by the excellent perinatal mental health service intensively, which saved me frankly.

I would say having a baby, for a first time parent, is the single most triggering thing you can possibly do for anxiety or depression. I won't be having another.

I was never an anxious person before children, things that worry me now simply didn’t cross my mind.
Now I worry about almost everything and had to seek help when it got too much.
Definitely sort your mental health out before having children if you’re already suffering! Good luck OP

My anxiety is awful post children. Most of my days are spent in a horrible spiral whilst pretending to be ok in front of kids. I often just want to run away, but i never would.

Thank you everyone!

There's nothing to feel sorry about either- I really welcome and appreciate the honesty.

My mother takes a different approach as she thinks having a child will give me another person to focus on. My anxiety generally revolves around really silly and stupid things.
However, she's the calmest and most level-headed human I've ever met. She could honestly remain zen in a hurricane!

I have to be honest, I was having a bad time last night and haven't experienced anxiety like that for years. I'd say on the average month I have 5 anxious days and the rest I'm fine. I think lockdown has changed this and I'm unable to think of a time where I haven't been anxious. I've not broken a single rule and I've not seen anyone but my DP for months.

I'm definitely not going to be TTC any time soon. I feel very strongly about being in the best mental and physical health possible and I'm still only 27.

Time will tell- I suppose. I've got a great career, I've just received a promotion and I'm very ambitious but all I've ever wanted is children. It's always been my main goal in life so I'm going to book an appointment with my doctor and I'm going to make sure I try to get myself better xx

I don't want to sound patronising (hopefully this won't sound it!) but you are so young and have plenty of time. When I was younger and people with kids said: "do everything you want to do before having kids, focus on your career etc" I just rolled my eyes and didn't listen. Now I realised they were totally right! Focus on your mental health and getting to the best place possible with every area of your life so you're in the strongest possible position when the time comes. All the best OP

Hello, I have always experienced anxiety but not to the extreme however I'm only really realising now that it is anxiety if that makes sense and I can recognise it now, accept it and deal with it.
I would say that being a mother has made me worry about things I've never thought of before or even crossed my mind but I think this is a parental instinct that keeps our kids safe. I think speaking to most parents they will say the same thing, choke hazards (when did chopped fruit or grapes seem so potentially dangerous!, trip hazards, common cold, all are a worry as a parent. However I no longer experience anxiety over some of the things that used to trigger mine as I had a more important focus and motivation to carry on so my experience has been positive.
I think that parental anxiety is 'normal' and will almost certainly be there but only you know how your anxiety is managed and how you can cope with it.
Good luck

The very best of luck OP.

OP, it’s definitely a good idea to start getting your anxiety and obsessive thoughts under control before ttc, but you have time.

The current situation has resulted in an escalation of obsessive thoughts for many, so you’re not alone in this. They can be brought under control, but it can take some trial and error with therapy, getting the right therapist and style of therapy.

CBT is often touted as a panacea, and it can be very helpful, but it doesn’t suit everybody and this may particularly be the case where there are obsessive thoughts, as CBT can encourage further focus on the thoughts, in order to interrogate the likelihood of bad things happening, etc. In some ways this is perpetuating the problem, which is being overly focussed on thoughts and other internal events, and giving them too much credence. The truth is that a thought is only an electrical impulse. We have thousands of thoughts a day, and many of them (most even) aren’t true, but are our brain firing along well-worn patterns and taking short cuts in a misguided attempt to keep us safe.

Have you tried any of what are called the third-wave therapies? These therapies often blend some aspects of CBT with mindfulness type practices, and they teach you to disengage with anxiety and obsessive thoughts, and instead focus on more productive activities. You could look for a therapist who practices Meta Cognitive Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, or who says they blend Mindfulness and CBT. There are also courses called ‘Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction’ that would be helpful.

You absolutely can get on top of this, but be prepared for it to take some time, and that you might need to try a few things. But I would definitely focus your efforts on ways to disengage from thoughts and getting distance from them, so you can see them for what they are, and stop yourself from diving in and running with catastrophising or obsessive thinking.

Oh you're still young so you've got plenty of time to work on your mental health yet

For what it's worth, I have always suffered with anxiety and al

Posted too soon!

For what it's worth I have always suffered with anxiety and slight depression, but my life was liveable. Since I had my 1st dc I felt ok, but I had my 2nd in quick succession and my mental health has taken a serious beating. I've tried various meds that I can't get along with, and am currently receiving CBT. My days are long and I can't remember I time I haven't woken up with that pit of anxiety in my stomach.

One child may be ok for you, especially if it's all you've ever wanted. But don't do what I did and think "oh this is fine" and have another very very quickly. If I had my time again I would definitely wait longer to have my second (they had a 14m gap), probably until 1st was at pre school at least and then consider another.

Yes having children makes it much worse

Definitely get yourself some self care before ttc.

Sleep deprivation is absolutely torture so would be detrimental to mental health. Also the general overwhelming fear or keeping a tiny being alive is huge!

You get loads of support in pregnancy and everything is geared up surrounding labour. After they're born, its a bit like where did everyone go?

Having said that, I'm very relaxed in letting mine be little people get messy, climb heights etc so I'm not overly anxious about parenting but definitely have had moments of grave anxiety in the newborn stage.

Remember OP you're going to get a skewed cycle on this thread. I know people with anxiety who felt no worse on having children and even some who felt better as having kids gave them more of a focus.

I agree gypsy, it can give a sense of focus and purpose and that helps some people feel less anxious, not more. It’s difficult to know which way it will go with any individual, but it’s good for OP to know it’s not a given.

@daisychain1620

Hello, I have always experienced anxiety but not to the extreme however I'm only really realising now that it is anxiety if that makes sense and I can recognise it now, accept it and deal with it. I would say that being a mother has made me worry about things I've never thought of before or even crossed my mind but I think this is a parental instinct that keeps our kids safe. I think speaking to most parents they will say the same thing, choke hazards (when did chopped fruit or grapes seem so potentially dangerous!, trip hazards, common cold, all are a worry as a parent. However I no longer experience anxiety over some of the things that used to trigger mine as I had a more important focus and motivation to carry on so my experience has been positive. I think that parental anxiety is 'normal' and will almost certainly be there but only you know how your anxiety is managed and how you can cope with it. Good luck

I completely agree with this and PP. While my anxiety was never to the point of depression etc., having children did snap me out of a lot of my worries. It gave me something else to focus on and put a lot of things into perspective.

Sorry, but as others have said, it gets worse. I have also managed to have an incredibly anxious child, too. I have tried to be calm around him, and so I actually think perhaps it is His nature rather than the nurture… He’s worse than I ever was as a child. I struggle to do the things that he wants to do, to: I get anxious about going places and obviously children get invited to parties, sleepovers, play dates ... I have found it quite hard, tbh. DH Is pretty relaxed, and I was hoping my children would take after him. No luck, unfortunately.