You're not the one sleep deprived?!

[Donut93]

My little girl will be 6 months old this month, and she's never slept well, night time or naps. Recently she's been waking up at 1am and not wanting to go back to sleep until 4am.
I've been researching about what I can do to help her sleep longer ect. Have found a course online by justchillbabysleep and there's so many reviews that have said how much of a difference taking the course has made to their baby-sleeping through the night, longer naps, just genuinely happier baby.
She's EBF, and my partner sleeps through her waking up so he has no idea how much I'm awake throughout the night with her.
The course is £45, which we can afford, but he thinks 'waste of money, ain't going to work' 'some babies just won't sleep' 'it's your fault she's not sleeping because when she was newborn you let her sleep on your chest' which was the ONLY place she would actually sleep(like most newborns?!)
It's literally my last option, I'm so tired, she's never slept longer than a 3 hour chunk since she's been born, so I'm longing for some good sleep!
Am I being unreasonable to tell him to just piss off and buy it?

Yes! He sounds like an idiot. I'd be tempted to make more noise when you get up with her so he experiences the effects of sleep deprivation too.

YANBU! Go for it, I would.

Fuck no you’re not being unreasonable!! I hope it works for you

definitely wake him up when you have to get up, feed her, and hand her over, and go back to bed

Why are you letting him sleep through every wake up?

He should be doing every other night

Before you do the course, it’s very likely it’ll be a version of Gradual Retreat. Our sleep consultant did this.

In summary:

Let them scream to sleep with you sitting nearby but ideally not touching them.
If they wake in the night try and pat them to sleep but whatever you need to do.
Sit by the for a few days, then move a few inches further away, repeat, after a few weeks you are out of the door.

It really worked on ours.

Blimey - he should be bending over backwards to help in any way he can to enable you and baby to sleep.
What is his problem?
Is he controlling in other ways because this is not normal!
Do you have access to money?
And of course you should tell him fuck off and let you get on with what is needed.
I'd be waking him up every time baby wakes.
He's sounds like an asshole!

If £45 really isnt going to matter to you if it doesnt work, go for it.
I'd have sold my soul for a baby that slept more than 90mins at 6 months. And yes, he did the wake at 1am and want to play for 2 hrs aswell - think he was a bit older tho.

As it is, we did have one of the none sleeping varieties of child - he is still like it now, aged 11. But at least now he can just switch in a light and read rather than require me to get out of bed!

I'd go for it with the hope it would work, but acceptance that it might not.

I really hope it works for you, I had one of those babies. He didn't sleep for more than three hours consecutively until he was 3 and didn't sleep a whole night until he started school. It was awful, I hardly remember his childhood, if it wasn't for pictures I wouldn't know I was there and it ruined my relationship as I just wasn't willing to tolerate the complete lack of support similar to your situation. I say £45 is a bargain. Good luck 💗

Thanks all
@GreyishDays she self settles to go to sleep at night time, but when she wakes up in the night, the only way to get her back to sleep is feeding her, then sometimes after feeding her she thinks it's awake time, even though I'm feeding her in the pitch black! I've tried just leaving her in her cot to go back to sleep in the middle of the night, but she's wide awake! X

Have you tried cosleeping? Or asking your HV for advise. Sleep deprivation is awful OP. It does get better but remember sleep deprivation is a form of torture.

If it was the other way around I'd be telling him to spend however much he wants just to try and get some sleep! Moneys in joint account- I suggested it to him and he then went off on one saying what a waste of money it will be.
I really hope it works for me and baby! For my benefit and slightly just to prove him wrong

Oh that’s rubbish.

Are you limiting her naps during the day? Or is the problem that she doesn’t nap enough?

Not answering the question, sorry.

Sleeping baby aside, your partner's attitude is atrocious. Attitudes like that transfer into all aspects of your life. It'll always be there with something else, maybe your return to work, your friends or the way you keep your house. Family/relationships/finances.
I'd be try to be a conscious as possible and really listen to what he's telling you over the coming months/years, especially if you plan to have another with him.

Simple fix - for the next week - wake him up every single time in the night when you and the baby are up. He will soon change his tune 🤷‍♀️

How much is she eating? I know the guidelines are six months before solids but I think a lot of babies are ready a bit sooner and keep waking because they're hungry.

Yanbu! Go for it, assuming you aren't going to get into debt over it or anything.

Our first dc was just like this FWIW. For some reason, DC2 was the total opposite.

Anything to try and get more sleep! I would definitely give it a go, (as long as it isn't some fruit loop advocating CIO for hours or anything).

My DC1 started sleeping through the night at about 10 months and has always been brilliant since, so there is definitely hope! I think in our case it was because of weaning and getting more solids. It took ages after starting solids for much to actually get in I think, so that's why 10 months. I know this isn't the case for everyone, but just letting you know it sometimes can happen this way.

DC2 went the other way and woke a lot in the night till about 2yo! So theh swapped sleeping habits!

I used that course when my baby was taking hours to sleep and waking 4 times a night. 8 month old has two naps a day in his cot and sleeps 7-7 in his cot. I would say that course is worth every penny!!! Honestly it helped me so much. If he really does t want to spend the money maybe look on her YouTube Chanel she has lots of free videos that could help. Good luck op sleep deprivation is the worst!

YANBU, give it a shot, but also - is your partner not doing ANY of these wake ups? You are doing every single night? Start waking him up and handing over the baby.

God I'm so mad right now!
Just spoke to him about it again- he wants to try the crying out method, I tried it for one night before and it just didn't agree with me letting her cry in there on her own for 20 minutes. Apparently because his mums had 3 children I should listen to that and do it this way. When I don't want too?!
I know any change to a routine baby isn't going to like it and there may be crying, but last time I tried it on that 1 night she was crying so much she made herself sick.
Now it's 'I should express bottles' when I physically can't? I tried the other day and my boob produced hardly anything!
I'm the one looking after her all day, he comes home for work, sees her for 2 hours, is downstairs when I'm upstairs putting her to bed, and he now thinks he has an input on how she goes to sleep??

Honestly tell him to fuck off. I’m mad on your behalf. I’m still feeding my DS at 17 months and expressing has never worked for me. I’d get like 1/2 an ounce at a time and I don’t have time for that shit. Just him saying ‘expressing bottles’ shows how much of a fucking clue he has. Wankbadger.

I did the CIO method with my DD.
22 FUCKING YEARS AGO!!!
It is absolutely NOT recommended now!
Not at all. Even I know that and I don't have grandchildren.
And I'd listen to my DD and what she wants and how she wants to raise HER baby!!
Stop listening to his bullshit.
Until he can breastfeed and does every night with her, he has no say at all.
Do what you want OP.

His mum was a mum decades ago.
Things change! Oddly!!
Back then it was recommended to put a drop of whisky in their night time bottle - would he do that???
He needs to listen to you and what you need - not to his mum.
I'll say it again - He sounds like an asshole!
A fucking big one!

You don't have to leave her crying for 20 minutes though. You could leave her for just 5 minutes (though I think that's controlled crying) or get him to do it if he's so keen.
I,think it's reasonable for you to want a decent nights sleep and would say £45 is worth it. Even if it doesn't work it's still a try.
If he's really so against your method then tell him to do the night waking.

Tell him if he wants to do the crying out method to crack on and you’ll leave him to do it. Maybe instead of speaking to his mum he should be supporting you and formulating a plan to support you overnight!! Do the course, £45 is pennies! Hope it works for you!

I’d hang off a bit and get her weaned as it sounds like she’s waking up hungry.