You're not the one sleep deprived?!

[Donut93]

My little girl will be 6 months old this month, and she's never slept well, night time or naps. Recently she's been waking up at 1am and not wanting to go back to sleep until 4am.
I've been researching about what I can do to help her sleep longer ect. Have found a course online by justchillbabysleep and there's so many reviews that have said how much of a difference taking the course has made to their baby-sleeping through the night, longer naps, just genuinely happier baby.
She's EBF, and my partner sleeps through her waking up so he has no idea how much I'm awake throughout the night with her.
The course is £45, which we can afford, but he thinks 'waste of money, ain't going to work' 'some babies just won't sleep' 'it's your fault she's not sleeping because when she was newborn you let her sleep on your chest' which was the ONLY place she would actually sleep(like most newborns?!)
It's literally my last option, I'm so tired, she's never slept longer than a 3 hour chunk since she's been born, so I'm longing for some good sleep!
Am I being unreasonable to tell him to just piss off and buy it?

I had three DC who were wonderful sleepers and then one who did not reliably sleep right through the night until the age of three, some babies just really don't like sleep and sleep deprivation is awful so I do sympathise.

One thing that worked for me was feeding him before I went to bed either by waiting until he woke up for it, which I knew would be somewhere between 10pm and 1am, or by lifting him if I didn't want to wake up. Once he was fed I'd go straight to bed/sleep knowing I'd get a solid chunk of 2-4 hours. He started the night off in his own cot but when I did that feed I would co-sleep for the rest of the night so that if he woke up he could more or less help himself to a boob and I could doze while he fed.

I briefly tried CIO.

I found my distressed baby asleep covered on his vomit where he’d been sick from distress. That was the last time.

Listen to your instincts, it’s barbaric. Your baby is still tiny. It’s hard, it’s impossible, it makes you want to cry. I didn’t have a full night sleep for 3 years with my first DS (well, one of us didn’t as we shared) and I have no advice for that. Just that it does get better and he should do more.

There is no denying, however, with EBF it is extremely difficult to share the load.

Is she hungry? Could you try a bowl of porridge before bed to see if that helps?

My son is an awful sleeper. I tried doing various things as suggested in this thread (even god forbid the cry it out method). NOTHING worked. The neighbours just complained. He’d literally just scream for hours until I give in and held and fed him to sleep.I gave up and cosleep now. He’s 20 months and still wakes in the night (usually between 11pm and midnight, then around 2-3am and he will want to get up between 5:30 - 6 am). He used to be worse, so as he’s getting older he’s sleeping in longer stretches.

This sounds like an advert

No no no to CIO.

Get her on solids during the day with plenty of protein and don't be afraid to top up with formula.

I’m sorry I agree with your husband, it’ll be a waste of money. If you have done your own research then they won’t tell you anything you don’t already know. Nobody has a magic cure for babies that don’t sleep and if they did it would cost more than £45!

His attitude stinks and the fact that he's not willing to listen to your side and feelings about it make it all worse. Is money especially tight OP?

His lack of support for you is appalling and that’s the real problem here. Of course you’re at the end of your rope. Fully agree with PP that starting tonight you wake him up every time you’re up and insist he stays up with you. Tell him he clearly doesn’t understand what you’re going through so you need to demonstrate in real time. I very much assume from what you’ve said about him that he’ll tell you to piss off and will go straight back to sleep, but if you pour a glass of cold water on him it might help make your point. Joking of course...definitely joking.

Fundamentally though, he doesn’t sound like a kind or supportive partner so it’s now down to you to consider what he’s shown you and decide if you’re ok with spending the rest of your life with that.

The mans a dick 6 months is too young for cry it out let him do bath time routine then he hands her to you to feed to sleep he's not pulling his weight and that can breed low level anxiety which the baby becomes aware of and it's a vicious cycle. Build him into her routine you need respite and rest that may calm the situation down.

A couple of things from me.

1. You may be able to get a free sleep training course run by your local sure start children’s centre. I did one for my second child and it did help.
2. Cry it out worked like a dream for my first child. Absolutely wrong approach for my second - it’s not a one size fits all solution.
3. He should be helping you get a chunk of sleep. Even if it’s say one wake up you get to sleep through. There’s no harm doing one bottle of formula or even trying to settle without feeding. He should be doing this at least once so you can get 6 hours in rather then 3.
4. Continuous sleep deprivation can have consequences for your physical and mental health. I’m talking from experience here. Don’t underestimate how important it is for you to be able to rest.
5. It’s unreasonable for him to object to the £45 spend. I’d be really posed off if my DH commented on a spend of that size. Especially for something like this. I don’t really understand why you need his permission or approval?

As for the comments about “my mum says” wow. I don’t know how you’ve kept your cool OP.

What’s her current routine like?

If she’s not Daytime napping very well then that can affect night sleep as they can be overtired / they are full of cortisol which can cause prolonged night wakes.

We did the littleones routines, which really focus on getting day naps right and then working on the rest.

Buy your course and get your oh to step up and do more with her so you can get a break. X

Get yourself one of these. Next time the baby wakes up at night, blow hard on it. Every time! He’ll soon know what sleep deprivation is like!

Buy the programme. Your husband sounds like a shit. No bloody idea.

I have a 3 year old and a 6 month old too. My second is a pretty good sleeper but that’s because ( I think) she is well fed and not hungry at night, she’s sleeping the right amount of time during the day and...pure luck! Sometimes you do everything you can and it’s still hard work.

If your exclusively breastfeeding then it’s not unusual to be up in the night for a Feed. If it’s not hunger / wet / dirty it could be she’s getting too little or too much sleep. My little girl generally does;

7am wake up
9.30 -10 am sleep
12.30 - 2.30 sleep
5 -5.10 sleep ( almost stopped)
7 / 7.30 bed.

For us, routine is key. But as I say, everyone is different. CIO Is hard and although I e heard it does work it’s not for 6 months old.

Good luck and please tell you me DH to bog off.

@Jubaju we did little ones too! Really useful programme.x