Dh lack of birthday consideration

[Notfeelinggreattoday]

Prepared to be told im wrong
But my birthday present from dh was some blown up balloons - with lights in
No gift as didnt know what to get
A bottle wine , some chocolates would of done
Nothing on mothers day either
His answer was you can go buy yourself something you like
Aibu to think this is a poor effort

Go online. Choose yourself something nice. Buy it.

And happy birthday if it's today!

Very thoughtless.
I got £40 in a card for my 40th and a normal day of work then coming home to make dinner and referee the kids.
I know how you feel.
Stop making any effort for him.

It depends how he is as a husband and father.. My dh is crap at gift buying but loving, sexy (imho), good at diy, hard working and shares the load at home - I'm happy to buy my own birthday presents 😬
If yours leaves you to carry all the "cans" then yes that is a poor effort!

DH foolishly set himself up by excelling in gift buying in our first couple of years together but now he's totally run out of ideas. This meant last Christmas when we were away with friends I had nothing to open which wasn't hurtful but was a bit embarrassing. I went wild with his bank card when we got home though!

Trouble is, he always asks me in advance what I'd like but I don't know either!

A couple of years ago for my birthday I insisted I wanted a surprise. Poor bloke ended up spending a fortune on a trip to Paris

The year that I got two pairs of slipper booty things from Primark for Christmas from my Ex I knew that our relationship was dead and buried....

DH and I are crap at buying presents for each other. But neither of us really want anything anyway so we just get whatever tat the kids chose and probably a bit of extra sleep and nice breakfast if its a weekend.

Works for us.

DH is hopeless, but then I'm very picky and hate money being wasted. I usually drop big hints or buy the present myself, but every now and again, he catches me out and excels himself, and it makes me cry (happy tears).

If he's hopeless, accept it and don't pile on the pressure.

Yes to be fair breakfast in bed or even a cup of coffee would of been something. I get the baloons were a slight effort , but now need to keep them up away from dogs and kids as they have little led lights/batteries on them , which i will be left to take apart and take to recyling
Anyway i mentioned would be nice if he just went and chose something one yeAr for me , anything and he has stormed off out in a mood , chucked a cake on the bed and said you wont be wanting that either
He has day off today and we were supposed to be going out albeit was something to do with his hobby which i didnt mind as going out with my brother tomorrow
Guess its just because i always make a big effort , even giving other relatives ideas so he gets things he wants ,im judging him on my standards which maybe isnt fair
From now on will make my own plans with friends for birthdays and only effort i will make is with the kids birthdays

I'm not sure a tit for tat approach is the way forward. Can you have a conversation about it? Does he care?

@Flittingabout no he just says he doesn't care about birthdays
Not so much tit for tat just not setting myself up fir disapointment so if i make my own plans in future i cant be let down
And will just give him a card on his birthday and accept i will get the same , then no expectations

Storming off out and now ruining the day slightly more upsetting as sat here alone ( kids - teenagers still in bed )

DH is crap at buying presents - he says I'm too low maintenance! So I make a big wish list on Amazon so he can choose items from that. I don't know what he picks so it's still a bit of a surprise on my birthday.

We go out for a meal or order something in too.

@ikiboo amazon wish list is good idea
I am going out tomorrow with family for a meal now something is open which I have arranged

The storming out on your birthday is not on. Sorry to hear thst. I hope he returns with his tail between his legs.

Happy birthday to you 🎂

Happy birthday. Hope the kids have made an effort when they eventually get out of bed

My DH doesn’t care about birthdays (he’s happy with sex and something he picks as his present 😂) but he always makes an effort for mine. Not caring about birthdays is a poor excuse.

My exh was like this OP, even special birthdays (21st/30th) were unmarked.

I got wise early on and used to make plans without him. My 30th was an amazing weekend away with friends at a fancy spa. He didn't even get me a card. There are many reasons I divorced him but special occasions really shone a light on how little he cared for me.

With DP for a few years now and he's the opposite, really thoughtful and generous. Much better!

My OH is shite at present buying, I take his card and he myself stuff he can’t even wrap things, he wrapped his phone up one year whilst doing it and we had to ring it and listen to the presents to find out where it was, I don’t even know how he don’t it the twat.

no he just says he doesn't care about birthdays
But you do. So when he knows this and still doesnt make an effort his actions say that he doesnt care about you.

Storming out is punishing you for speaking up. If he stays out all day and isnt back in half an hour with a gift id seriously be looking without blinkers at his behaviour towards you generally. These things are rarely out of character.

If he doesn't know you enough to buy you a gift then he's not a husband he's just a roommate

Happy Birthday OP

Why has he stormed out? That's shit behaviour.

He sounds like a knob. How hard is it to just think about what you like and buy you something? I don't accept all this nonsense about him being bad at presents. It's not a character trait, it's just selfishness. And you were meant to be doing something for his hobby on your birthday!

Just came back with a gift
That hes taken into the kids to give me
Half of me wants to chuck it at him , but obviously i wont
I will have to like it now whatever it is otherwise i will look like a diva lol
Going to have a nice bath and start the day again

I hope you liked it

@LatteLover12

My exh was like this OP, even special birthdays (21st/30th) were unmarked.

I got wise early on and used to make plans without him. My 30th was an amazing weekend away with friends at a fancy spa. He didn't even get me a card. There are many reasons I divorced him but special occasions really shone a light on how little he cared for me.

With DP for a few years now and he's the opposite, really thoughtful and generous. Much better!

My ex was similar, some years I didn't even have a token gift, and he never did cards as he said they were a waste of effort. He didn't bother taking me out for dinner, even when he'd bought nothing. And he stropped when I complained on the final birthday before I left him.

He didn't make up for it in other ways, so no I don't agree with the "languages of love" I see quoted often on other threads. if they exist, it'll only be decent blokes that do it.

I, hoever, did make efforts. The only time I didn't was his last birthday just before I left. Given the token gifts, I think he cottoned on that something was changing, even if he didn't know what. I don't reckon he ever thought I'd leave, though, More fool him.