Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to to partners parents?

48 replies

IsoBordem · 03/07/2020 04:11

I am currently pregnant and am due in a couple of weeks. We do not live in the UK so don't have the same restrictions on visitors. My partners parents want to come and see the baby a few weeks after it is born - which is awesome and I have no issue with them visiting.

However they have decided that they would prefer to stay in a hotel near the airport, about an hours drive from us as it will be easier for them. They would like us to bring the newborn baby to them at the hotel so they can meet. I am really not comfortable with this for a few reason but the biggest one being that I don't really want to take a newborn baby to a hotel at an international airport during a pandemic. It just doesn't feel safe.

This is also our first baby and I'm worried we might not feel up to the 2 hour round trip whilst still learning how to care for our baby.

Would I be unreasonable to say no to his parents and ask that they come out to us for a visit?

OP posts:
Heelheelballball · 03/07/2020 04:16

Er, yanbu. Why can't they stay closer to you? Or travel to you from the airport hotel? How long are they staying?

AgnesNaismith · 03/07/2020 04:17

Just say no, best to start now.

MuddlingThrough1724 · 03/07/2020 04:20

Well, I agree with you entirely! Why would.anyone with a newborn want to travel so far? On one hand, time in car seats should be limited for very young babies, and on the other, we weren't on time for anything when we had our first - seriously, the cycle of feeding/changing/winding/crying/sleeping and repeat meant we were hours late leaving the house sometimes! Why would they want to make life .ore stressful for you in any way at all when you've just had the biggest shock to your system in the form of a cute but exhausting small child that you've ever experienced?! If they can't be bothered to travel that extra hour whilst your baby is tiny, I wouldn't be making any effort to see them! I found leaving the house for the first 6 weeks of so near on impossible, and you never know how your recovery will be going or how you will be coping with feeding/sleeping etc.

Nellydean21 · 03/07/2020 04:24

No you dont travel. If they insist let them come to you when it suits you. Dont allow a pattern to start now.

Purpleartichoke · 03/07/2020 04:26

Not a chance.

I wouldn’t even without the virus. A one hour car trip with a baby is a big deal. Then add in you may still be recovering. You might not feel comfortable sitting on their hotel bed to nurse. It will all just be ridiculously complicated. If the problem is driving, arrange transport, possibly have your DH go pick them up even.

mrscatalano · 03/07/2020 04:28

Absolutely say no, that's ridiculous! You don't expect the new parents and baby to come to you when your visit them. They could get a hotel closer to you or travel themselves. If they can't be arsed to come to you then maybe tell them not to bother.

Dogsaremyfavorite · 03/07/2020 04:40

Yanbu! They are being so ridiculous to even ask you that. Say no and don’t feel bad. They can come stay closer to you if their trip is about meeting their new grandchild.

Original poster
IsoBordem · 03/07/2020 05:03

I'm glad to here I am not being unreasonable! I wasn't sure if I was just being overly cautious or PFB. They are only staying for a couple of nights and I think they wanted to be closer to the main tourist attractions and restaurants then out in the suburbs near us.

OP posts:
chancechancechance · 03/07/2020 05:08

Yanbu, the suggestion is stupid.

I agree it is best to just say no.

BelfastNonBlonde · 03/07/2020 05:13

Surely the main attraction for this trip is the baby..?
YANBU
I’ve just had my baby 3 weeks ago and wouldn’t fancy going sitting in some hotel lobby or hotel room for a few hours. No thanks.

Catastrofuck · 03/07/2020 05:17

Newborns aren’t supposed to be in car seats for that long. It would be a complete PITA for you as you would have to keep stopping to get them out, let alone all the other stuff with feeding, nappies, you being postpartum etc. They’ve made it that far so I’m sure they can do the extra hour’s journey to you.

blackcat86 · 03/07/2020 05:57

No way. It's not so much about the virus for me because if they are staying there surely they could bring the virus with them to your house. But, you will have a newborn and be recovering from birth and at 3 weeks post c section on no sleep I would have not wanted to travel 2 hours plus time there. No way. They should visit you so that you can take baby off to feed and sleep, or you can go off for a nap when you need to. Hopefully all goes well with your birth but a lot of people find themselves having unplanned c sections which is major surgery. Would they expect you to travel that far to them if you had just had an operation and were still recovering?

BikeRunSki · 03/07/2020 06:45

Your baby is the main attraction!

Tinamou · 03/07/2020 06:48

YANBU even if it wasn't a pandemic! Fine for them to stay wherever they like and then drive from there to visit you.

Disfordarkchocolate · 03/07/2020 06:50

Say no. Too much fuss and faff for you. The best thing for you and the baby will be you being able to rest and relax. 2 hours in a car, uncomfortable for lots of very new Mums because of boobs and stitches.

Jokie · 03/07/2020 06:51

Nope. Virus or no virus. For several reasons:

  1. newborns shouldn't be in a car seat that long
  2. it's a complete faff to take everything you'd need
  3. both of you will be exhausted and should definitely not be driving
  4. you will be 2-3 weeks postpartum and still recovering
Notajogger · 03/07/2020 06:53

Absolutely no way. Ridiculous for them even to suggest it.

chaoticisatroll55 · 03/07/2020 06:56

Who do they think they are? The Queen and Prince whatever? A big fat no from me.

FeralHereFeralThere · 03/07/2020 06:57

They're being ridiculous.

New mums do not want to be driving hours after birth.

timeisnotaline · 03/07/2020 07:02

No, and not because of the virus! If they don’t want to come see the baby they don’t have to but wtf is with thinking you can drive an hour to sit in an airport hotel so they can see baby without compromising their tourist agenda?!

honeylulu · 03/07/2020 07:04

Would make more sense for them to book a hotel/Airbnb near you and your husband collects them from the airport on the first day and drops them back the last day (if they are concerned about transport/ locating a further flung hotel which is what I assume by "easier"). I find it a bit bizarre that they would go to another country but effectively never leave the airport!

Please don't tell us your husband doesn't drive!

honeylulu · 03/07/2020 07:06

Sorry I missed the bit about them wanting to be near tourist attractions!

KingofDinobots · 03/07/2020 07:13

I’d just tell them newborns aren’t supposed to be in car seats for that long (true), plus depending on how the birth goes you may not be recovered enough for the trip. So they should plan on visiting you at home.

AlmostAlwyn · 03/07/2020 07:16

Why would they be interested in tourist attractions? If they're just coming for a couple of nights, surely they'll want to spend as much time as possible with you? Absolutely say no! Newborns shouldn't spend that long in car seats, not to mention the fact that you'll still be recovering as well. You might have had stitches or a c-section and hotel rooms are really not set up for having visitors. There's usually just two uncomfortable chairs, someone has to sit on the bed... It just sounds like a terrible plan all round! They should be going out of their way to make things easier for you!

Is your partner on your side? Get him to explain that you won't be going anywhere and if they want to see the baby then they'll have to come to you!

Haretodaygonetomorrow · 03/07/2020 07:16

Start out as you mean to go on, otherwise the expectation will always be you accommodating them.