Am I being controlling?

[HillyBilly1001]

DH and I have received a large amount of money as a gift from my parents. DH to use some of it to buy bits for his football team. I want to put it all into the mortgage.

For a bit of history, we have paid thousands off his debt over the last 10 years, most of which he has paid back to our savings but £2000 he hasn't (to give him a fresh start). 4 years later however, he is now currently paying back £3500 to our savings which we used to pay off his debt.

I hate that he wants to use the money we've been gifted on something personal rather than for the family. Big row has happened this evening as I said he was being selfish.

I don't want to be controlling but his money affects me as we have kids, mortgage etc.

Of course you're not being controlling. Put it into your mortgage OP.

Your parents gave it as a joint present but let's be honest, they wouldn't be giving him any if he wasnt your partner. Presumably they assumed it would go on you or joint or family spending. Not his football team.

Your dps won't want it wasted on a waster..

OP, thepeopleversuswork has it spot on with this:

"I don't think you're being controlling. If anything its the other way around. His failure to properly manage his money amounts to financial abuse possibly accidental whereby your financial security is being diminished regularly by his overspending and the need to pour your savings in to bail him out.
That money has been given to you as a family by your parents. Not on for it to be frittered away on stuff which only benefits him."

I think that the issue of what to do with the money is actually far less important than taking some urgent action to address his spending. It is grossly unfair that he is putting your whole family at risk because he won't grow up and take some responsibility for himself. I am not usually one to shout LTB but in this case I think I would be taking the money from my parents and using it to start again without him!

Firstly I'd be demanding he has an account with no overdraft and no ability to overspend. You have to stop the cycle now or you will end up in thousands of debt.

No way should money be for football. And I'd start a savings account he doesnt know about and doesnt have access too