We have a 12m old and MIL cares for him 3days PW, with DH and taking the remainder (both public servants and working through lockdown). My SIL (older than my DH)still lives at home and has announced a surprise pregnancy.
MIL won’t take any payment from us, but we always pick up her favourite things in our weekly shop, provide everything from nappies to food and snacks for DS when he’s there and are generous with gifts.
SIL maintains that she won’t be moving in with her partner because she’s fine with the current arrangements and now keeps asking when DS is going to nursery. She says that when she saw the help that MIL was giving us that she decided that she should hurry up and have a baby so she can “get it out of the way and get free childcare too”
Our plan (agreed with MIL before we started trying for a baby) was that she would care for him 3 days, I’d go down to 4 days at work and our child would go to 1/2 day nursery when he turns 3, and reception afterwards.
MIL now feels that she will have to be fair and that she will look after SIL’s child the same amount of days as DS when SIL goes back to work.
SIL has always been a tad spoilt, never paid her way even when my DH lived at home and regularly throws £‘s down the drain on frivolous designer goods etc. MIL has had to bail her out of debt a number of times, yet she still finds a way to buy expensive cars and holidays (not jealous, just trying to set the picture here)
DH and I save and plan our finances, paid for our wedding alone, moved out and have genuine bills to pay. (Trying to give as much background so as not to drip feed!)
As time goes on we’re understanding that MIL will find it hard to care for a baby and toddler alone and as much as she says she wants to, we really don’t think it’s fair on her as it’ll tire her out (in her 60’s but still fit & healthy)
We are now thinking about what to do going forward as we would hate for MIL’s retirement to be ruined by her getting ill caring for 2 kids. As SIL’s child will be living with her she will already be on duty more than she is now with our 3 days. SIL regularly makes comments about her coming home from hospital and handing the baby to MIL, or how she doesn’t have to learn how to change nappies because “that’s what mum’s for”.
AIBU to think SIL should pay for some help or nursery for her child since she still gets free board and doesn’t pay bills?
Or do you think I should suck it up, and accept that SIL will get her way yet again and we’ll have to pay to put DS in childcare elsewhere?
Extra points for any suggestions to find a happy medium!
Also- don’t rip me to shreds guys... AIBU is terrifying!!