Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this rude? How to react...

41 replies

Biensur40 · 02/07/2020 19:51

Really minor moment today but just wondering how others would have reacted so please scroll on if it's too petty for you.

Was walking along a pavement to pick up DC from school (YR) and a girl who must have been in Y6 was walking to her parked car with her mum. The mum said, 'wait' to tell her not to open the door until I had gone past. I was on the far side of the pavement more than 2m away as I try to stick to this so she could have easily opened the door and got in. I hadn't even clocked that the 11 yo was waiting for me as was just thinking about something so walked past. The girl waited until I had gone on about 20m and then said 'thank you' passively aggressively. Starting young!

I Turned around, shrugged a bit and pulled a bit of a face, I suppose but carried on walking. As they drove past, girl was making faces out of window. Was so cross. But it's a child so never mind. Now thinking, I wish I had gone back and said something. Petty and trivial, I know but an 11 year old to agrownup. What would you have done? Who was in the wrong? How should one handle passive aggressive comments from strangers?

OP posts:
namechangenumber204 · 02/07/2020 19:55

She was BU - the correct thing to have said passive aggressively was 'You're welcome' Confused

EatsShootsAndRuns · 02/07/2020 19:56

Why didn't you say thanks or at least acknowledge that she had let you pass? You were the rude one here.

Sparklybanana · 02/07/2020 19:58

you should have said thank you? If you noticed them enough to see her walking to the car, heard her mum say 'wait' and to notice her afterwards then you knew she was waiting for you and you were rude af to not acknowledge or say 'it's fine there's loads of space' so she wasn't waiting. That 11 year old will take your attitude and won't bother next time.
If a kid waits for me to pass I always make sure I say thank you because they are doing as they are told and deserve the respect of 1 second to say thanks. YABU! You deserved every thing she did.

ArriettyJones · 02/07/2020 19:59

It is annoying when you try to install manners in DC and adults being reciprocate.

So although all she was rude, (which her mother should have reprimanded her for), she started off being polite and you were nothing BUT rude.

Thingsthatgo · 02/07/2020 19:59

You clocked that the mum had asked her to wait. It was pretty rude not to say thank you to her for waiting. Even if you knew there was enough room, she might have judged it differently and politely waited for you to pass.

ArriettyJones · 02/07/2020 19:59

Instill not install.

Original poster
Biensur40 · 02/07/2020 20:02

Thanks for responding. Interesting that there are two opposite responses. 😀

@namechangenumber204
Yes, maybe I should have shouted that back especially as I would have at least had the final word! Grin

@EatsShootsAndRuns because I was thinking about work...I normally try to be very polite, honest!

OP posts:
Completelyfrozen · 02/07/2020 20:02

You walked past without saying Thanks and then when the girl was PA to you, you pulled a face at her?
Why are you so upset that she then pulled a face at you in return?

MadameButterface · 02/07/2020 20:03

it was rude and horrible but it must absolutely suck balls being a Y6 this year, they've lost all their rite of passage residential trips they tend to do plus their y6 leavers' proms, the sats they've spent their whole school life being brainwashed into thinking are the be all and end all of everything went up the swannee and they're starting at big school in September with minimal transition and no one, not even the teachers, seems to know how any of this is going to work. it's a really weird horrible time and not everyone's their best self, I know I'm not, and I'm really having to work hard on letting little annoyances with people go. so that would be my advice to you op. let it go and try not to think about it.

Completelyfrozen · 02/07/2020 20:03

You sound childish OP, pulling faces and wanting the last word to a young child who had been polite to you.

Rose789 · 02/07/2020 20:04

You should have said thank you. When she said thank you loudly and you turned around and shrugged you could have said sorry and thank you that you were in a world of your own.
You were the rude one in this scenario. Yes she was rude to make faces but she’s also a child- you are not.
Also agree with pp that she needs to learn to be truly passive aggressive that you say you’re welcome loudly not thank you 😂

Cherrysoup · 02/07/2020 20:04

You should thanked her, it would have been polite. You pulled a face at her first.

User8008135 · 02/07/2020 20:06

She was rude but so were you. Plus you were rude first and you are the adult

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 02/07/2020 20:06

HmmYou're rude. You didn't say thank you and then made a face at her. You're an adult. Act like it.

MadameButterface · 02/07/2020 20:09

@Biensur40

Thanks for responding. Interesting that there are two opposite responses. 😀

@namechangenumber204
Yes, maybe I should have shouted that back especially as I would have at least had the final word! Grin

@EatsShootsAndRuns because I was thinking about work...I normally try to be very polite, honest!

see you had a little brain fart because you had a lot on your mind, and your manners weren't what they could have been - perhaps the 11 yo had the same.

I've seen a lot of posts and posters lately that seem to be about shaming children and holding them to adult/pre covid standards of behaviour, and frankly I think people are on a hiding to nothing doing this. the world went kablooey recently and everything's fucked and scary. nothing's like it used to be, and we have to get used to it, and everyone's struggling. especially children, because of the being children part.

RedRedWines · 02/07/2020 20:10

You’re BU and you were the rude one. You should have thanked her and I’m glad she’s got the confidence to call you out on it at a young age.

RatInADollhouse · 02/07/2020 20:10

There have been rude pre-teens since the beginning of time. Everyone on MN likes to clutch their pearls and claim things were different “in their day” and “what is this world coming to” but that’s just their own narrow experience. People have been nasty forever. Also people have been nice forever.

Original poster
Biensur40 · 02/07/2020 20:12

Thanks for all the comments.
I only really realised what had happened after I went past, if that makes sense as I have a lot on my mind at the moment (as a lot of us do). Normally, I give people space and acknowledge when they do too so accept it was partly my fault but I wish I had gone back and spoken to them now. Just to say I am really sorry I didn't notice you were waiting or acknowledge it but there was no need to be PA.

Anyway, you live and learn. I do find human interaction interesting though.

OP posts:
jackdaw141 · 02/07/2020 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

2020Visionnot · 02/07/2020 20:23

Really agree with this. It's a tough time for everyone in so many ways. You made a mistake op, the child maybe did too. Learn and move on. Covid has repercussions in many ways.

EnoughAlready2020 · 02/07/2020 20:26

I agree with a PP. it's annoying trying to instill and reward good behaviour in children when they see adults who are rude and ungracious.

2020Visionnot · 02/07/2020 20:30

Definitely, @EnoughAlready2020, but was op really that rude? I've waited loads of times in a supermarket for example for adults not to thank me and I don't respond passive aggressively.

SpillTheTeaa · 02/07/2020 20:31

Yes agree you're rude you could have explained you didn't realise and then say thank you.

feelingfragile · 02/07/2020 20:34

My son is autistic and has learning disabilities. When people don't say thank you to him, he's very shocked and says loudly 'that lady didn't say thank you', it's not passive aggression, he's genuinely shocked and confused.

Anyway, I think @namechangenumber204 was being sarcastic, rather than ' thank you' the child should have said 'you're welcome'

EnoughAlready2020 · 02/07/2020 20:38

@2020visionnot of course the child shouldn't have responded jn the way she did but you can't ask the child to take the moral high ground! And yes I do think OP was rude and it would have made me get a little pissed off too.