To be disappointed it can't be just us.

[Roasties89]

My friends lovely. She's very close to her dad. He's a nice chap. He's been on the school runs with us a few times and easy to speak too. .

Not seen my mate since march. She's been seeing her dad most weeks several times so they are well caught up.

I asked if she would meet us Friday so our boys could catch up, we they have not seen eachother for ages either. I was ready for a good girly catch up. A walk to the park and a good gossip. It's all arranged. Then this morning she randomly says she was going down her dad's tomorrow morning so shall we meet him at a local cafe for some food. I agreed. I am ok with it deep down. But I feel abit disappointed as it limits the conversation and I have been feeling abit low lately. I just wanted to spend time with my friend and feel normal for an hour. My anxiety has been awful in lockdown so I wanted to gently ease myself back into things. Eating out wasn't my first choice. Especially as my son's abit of a pain at the moment and not listening to me. I think it's lockdown and him being so cut off for so long. I took him round my parents the other day in the garden. He just wouldnt stop messing about.

Im half hoping it rains so I can get out of it. Am I horrible? I just was so looking forward to chatting about stuff you talk to friends about.

Cafes won't be open unless it's takeout or sit outside?

Yeah it's an outdoor seating one

So tell her op. She won't know unless you say something.

Ah ok I wouldn't fancy that either

I'd be pissed off too! Can you say you'll meet another time? I hate that killing with two birds thing. Going to a park with your children is sooo different to meeting her father for lunch. My kids would be right cheesed off too!

I think it's perfectly OK to say in this situation that after lockdown your boy isn't yet ready to sit quietly in a cafe, so you suggest meeting her after she's had a meal with her dad, and you two and the kids can go for a walk.

I wouldn’t want to do that either. I’d get in touch and suggest another time when she’s free.

I can totally understand your upset. Just ask if she would mind you meeting up without her dad.

Be honest with your friend Op. Say "actually I just wanted to catch up with you and have a good chat". If she ways she can't change her arrangements, then agree to meet another day.

@ArcheryAnnie

I think it's perfectly OK to say in this situation that after lockdown your boy isn't yet ready to sit quietly in a cafe, so you suggest meeting her after she's had a meal with her dad, and you two and the kids can go for a walk.

Go with that. Perfectly acceptable & understandable.

My friend does this but with either her dh or eldest (adult) dc. It’s a pain as I only see her once a month or so now due to work. It’s almost as if she’s not allowed out on her own!

Or maybe she is trying to get rid of me and end our friendship I’ve just had that thought

Time for a 'headache'.

Just say you’ll meet her after she’s seen her dad, bit odd to bring him along.

Rather than agree, it’s have been better to suggest meeting up when she’s free to meet you/the DC alone, and not to eat out.

Your preference to see your friend without her father is not at all ‘horrible’.

Don’t tell her that it’s about visiting a cafe. Suggest her to rearrange and tell her something along the lines that of course, if she needs to see her Dad you completely understand, and next time when she’s free you would love to catch up with her.

It’s very strange and annoying tbh when people are taking their parents to a meeting with friends.

Ahh that’s a shame for you, I agree with previous posters, just be honest about wanting to chat and for the kids to have a play, cafes aren’t that interesting to kids.

Definitely nbu, who brings their dad on a meet up Just text and say "Can I take a rein check on tomorrow? Maybe meet up early next week when you are free, I didn't realise you already had arrangements with you Dad so I don't want to intrude but would like a girlie catch up"

Like ffs taking anyone on a catch up changes the dynamic but your Dad, nope nbu

He lives alone but has a lady friend. He goes around for a cuppa most days and has tea there on a Sunday. So he sees plenty of her.

I personally have never mixed parents with friends. I just don't want to look rude if she's told her dad the plan. You'd think she'd want to just catch up with me then go on to her dad.

I was thinking am I just being an unsociable cow lol

Going around for a cuppa and a weekly meal in lockdown?

Yeah perhaps not for the first 6 weeks. I think he has relied heavily on her over the years. He lived with her until 5 years ago and she got him a bungalow sorted eventually. I think it's just the relationship they have. It's just hard to understand why she could not say I'm going to catch up with "Ella" then I'll be round for a cuppa.

I don't feel as happy about meeting up now. It was a relief when she said she was free. I do think her dad's a lovely man. Literally nothing against him at all. But it's the stress of getting my son to behave. The cafe is close to the park and would have been the way we possibly would have gone. I wasn't particularly planning to eat out. My partner's keeping the one year old at home so I could let my son have my full attention for abit. I was planning on coming home for food and stuff. I can feel myself over thinking the situation. I'm so nervous about building back up to normal. I didn't want to go to a crowded area or a public area. I'm actually really worn out from being in lockdown and I struggle to do much if I'm honest.

I think I might ask about just a quick walk with us before she meets him. I can say I've got to do something in the afternoon. So silly how I feel isn't it.

Hmm could your friend be feeling nervous being out on her own and is bringing her dad for support, not saying she needs support around you but just in general? Maybe her child is at a pest stage as well and she wants her dad there to help watch the child so she can chat in peace with you?

She's been out and about through the whole thing. She's been in shops and stuff. She's irelaxed and walks two labradors every day's. Shes always busy. She also has choosen the location. We could have just walked in the grass areas or something. There's nothing malicious in it at all. I just feel abit fed up and have no desire to go now. I'll have to buy my son food now and order a hot drink. The toilets are not open either so id rather not drink lol

I have just got myself in a rut and I'm trying to do gentle things to get my confidence back. It just feels out of my comfort zone. I can't leave to come home now until her dad's ready to go. What if that's two hours!

Gawd just back out of the plans. I can't abide it when you invite a person, they agree and then tell you they're bringing someone along or tell you the plans are changed so walk in the park becomes food in a cafe with someone else.

Use one of the suggestions from here to tell her no go.

So message her. 'Sorry I agreed earlier but the plans for tomorrow don't really suit so I'm going to need to reschedule some other time when you're free.x'