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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have completely lost interest in my career?

74 replies

toffeefig · 02/07/2020 08:05

My career is one supposedly done for love and passion and enthusiasm. I’m not a saint but there was a period where it was the most important thing in my life. I spent my own money (I cringe when I think probably how much!) on things for it, I enthusiastically discussed how best to do this or that, I gave my own time unpaid, so willingly.

Now I’m having a baby and I have lost interest. Before I get shouted down, I’m not piss taking, I’m not doing a bad job, Im still conscientious enough and I’m still absolutely lovely to the people I work with.

But I sit in meetings wondering why we are discussing things that are so unimportant. I look on FB groups where impassioned discussions are taking place and I think ‘so?’ I resent extra pointless time.

Am I getting old and jaded or is this motherhood?

OP posts:
JoleneExotic · 02/07/2020 08:07

You're not alone OP. Having a baby changes your priorities and outlook on things IMHO. I definitely became less tolerant of time wasting bullshit!

Guineapigbridge · 02/07/2020 08:13

Here's my experience. I have a very interesting and sought-after career, that I've managed to maintain over the last twenty years and through three babies.
When my first was born, I wasn't interested in the least. I went back to work and it was moderately okay, kept the money coming in. Then I had another baby and I was very grateful for the escape of work, but I was too tired really to dedicate much real effort to it. I dropped to part time and picked up a nanny. Third baby came along after another 4 years of part time work and I was still interested, just a bit tired. Continued to work part time. Kept up the connections.
Here's the crunch. It was only when my youngest was three and reliable and well cared for at home by his Dad that I was fully able to focus on my career. I am focussed now, I love it, I'm SO GLAD I KEPT GOING AT IT. My interest was there all along, it just got covered over by the obligations and commitments associated with raising young kids. I think hormones had a role to play too.

Stick in there, don't give up, go part time if you need to. It'll be better for your mental health, bank balance, retirement savings, and soul if you stick in there. Don't let that baby brain convince you to quit.
That's my advice.

Original poster
toffeefig · 02/07/2020 08:15

I’m not posting about resigning. More that I can see through the bullshit Grin

OP posts:
Alexandernevermind · 02/07/2020 08:16

I thinks it's just a case of priorities changing. You put your heart and soul into your job because that was your life. Now the most important thing is your health and your baby. This is all fine and very natural. See how you feel during maternity leave.

31133004Taff · 02/07/2020 08:17

@toffeefig. ”I spent my own money (I cringe when I think probably how much!) on things for it,”

You sound like you might be a teacher. When I read adverts for jobs which require “passion”, I am reminded that “passion is for the bedroom” and be ‘prepared for us (the employer) to take piss, and expect you to pay for the experience’. Passion will eventually blow itself out or you blow yourself out.

YANBU

Original poster
toffeefig · 02/07/2020 08:18

That’s right, teaching. It could be a baby but I honestly think it’s also lockdown and stepping back from it and age!

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 02/07/2020 08:20

I got this. All seemed ridiculous and worse really long hours so would never see my baby because all my time would be spent doing it 🙄.

MsTSwift · 02/07/2020 08:20

At least teaching is worthwhile mine was corporate law..

isitorisntit · 02/07/2020 08:21

Are you a teacher?!

Original poster
toffeefig · 02/07/2020 08:21

I don’t see it as worthwhile any more, that’s the problem. Perhaps some of it is but 80% bullshit and 20% meaningful stuff doesn’t make a worthwhile job!

OP posts:
isitorisntit · 02/07/2020 08:23

Sorry, posted only having read the OP.

Neolara · 02/07/2020 08:23

I was a bit like this. I was really, really into my career. Once I had dc1, I just didn't care about work. Then I had a number of miscarriages and each one reinforced to me how unimportant my work was compared to having a family. I ended up being at home with the kids for 14 years! I've returned to work in the last 2 years ( same job as prebkids) and am really enjoying it again, but I've completely screwed any chance I ever had running anything.

Mumdiva99 · 02/07/2020 08:28

Are.you discussing unimportant things because they are no longer important to you and you don't care about the kids. Or is it a poorly run meeting where people are wasting time discussing items which aren't important to the job.

If it's the first then should you still be doing this?
If the second then you can change this. Make sure meetings have proper agendas and that the chair of that meeting keeps everyone on track. Your time (and theirs) is precious.

Don't make any massive changes right now though as lock down has made teaching weird. Wait until September when there is more normality and see how you feel.

Hailtomyteeth · 02/07/2020 08:28

It's why they like to manage out more experienced teachers. They're expensive and they see through the bullshit.

EgremontRusset · 02/07/2020 08:29

I lost interest in my job while pregnant (maybe because it was no longer the most novel challenge on the horizon?) but regained it when I went back after mat leave, I was longing for the mental stimulation.

PerfidiousAlbion · 02/07/2020 08:30

I’m sorry but this has just reminded me of a colleague who says he’s “passionate about accounting.” Grin

I completely get it OP. You’ve seen behind the curtain to the great steaming pile of bull shit that lies there. In the grand scheme of things (life, death, disease, love etc.) none of it really matters.

user1493413286 · 02/07/2020 08:30

I started having different priorities in terms of promotions etc but I became more passionate about it - I work in children’s services and it made me even more intent on wanting my children and others to have a better world to live in

KatieKat88 · 02/07/2020 08:33

Knew it was teaching! I've just resigned from my (middle leadership) job knowing I won't be able to do both and stay sane or be happy. Planning on a year or two out and then re-assessing (obviously I'm lucky that DH earns enough to do this).

Original poster
toffeefig · 02/07/2020 08:34

Care about the kids is a funny one.

Care enough to deliver good lessons? I’d say that’s reasonable. Care enough to mark the work they do and give feedback - also reasonable.

Care enough to lie awake at night worrying about them, well no to be honest. Care enough to waste hours putting together a flashy resource - no. I don’t think I do.

I think it must be a bit like being a vet, perhaps. Of course you love animals and don’t want them to suffer but you probably won’t offer to treat someone’s pet cat for free. You might signpost them to help or come to an arrangement or knock some money off but ultimately it’s a business transaction.

OP posts:
Original poster
toffeefig · 02/07/2020 08:35

PMSL at the idea I can change things though Grin

I once sat in a meeting where someone cried about red pen. Actually cried.

OP posts:
JoyFreeCake · 02/07/2020 08:38

Care enough to deliver good lessons? I’d say that’s reasonable. Care enough to mark the work they do and give feedback - also reasonable.

Care enough to lie awake at night worrying about them, well no to be honest. Care enough to waste hours putting together a flashy resource - no. I don’t think I do.

Isn't that actually the perfect amount of caring? Caring enough to do a good job, but not caring so much that it harms you?

justanotherneighinparadise · 02/07/2020 08:39

I can remember consoling a girl on a retreat twenty odd years ago who was sobbing because another resident had swept ants off the dinner table and potentially damaged them whilst doing so.

tractorvancar · 02/07/2020 08:42

I'd have guessed teaching too. I've never really found my career niche but I've always trundled along trying to get promoted and try new things. I am now not interested at all. I need to work at least part time to keep some money coming in but to be honest I'd love to be stuck with some bitty easy admin tasks to just pass the working day. I've got no interest in taking on any projects or management stuff, the thought of it is just exhausting and I'm really not interested enough. I've no idea why, I wasn't massively wedded to it before but I did enjoy getting my teeth into something interesting.

surlycurly · 02/07/2020 08:46

I don't have babies (teenagers) and I have lost all passion for my job too. Teaching is so bureaucratic now and the things we're asked to do get more and more ridiculous. I love the kids but nothing is ever good enough. And you're absolutely screwed if you want promoted as you're supposed to take on more and more work for no time or money. The soul has completely gone out of the job for most of us. And this virus, and the social backlash against us, hasn't helped.

Twizbe · 02/07/2020 08:48

I was a management consultant pre kids. I went back full time after my son and hated it. Suddenly I saw all the BS, I saw how the structure stacked everything against working parents, I saw how crap a job it really is.

I didn't go back after my second maternity leave. I intend to return to the workplace when my youngest starts school. Right now though I'd like a simple job somewhere nearby and have no designs on being the next top female CEO