AIBU to have completely lost interest in my career?

[toffeefig]

My career is one supposedly done for love and passion and enthusiasm. I’m not a saint but there was a period where it was the most important thing in my life. I spent my own money (I cringe when I think probably how much!) on things for it, I enthusiastically discussed how best to do this or that, I gave my own time unpaid, so willingly.

Now I’m having a baby and I have lost interest. Before I get shouted down, I’m not piss taking, I’m not doing a bad job, Im still conscientious enough and I’m still absolutely lovely to the people I work with.

But I sit in meetings wondering why we are discussing things that are so unimportant. I look on FB groups where impassioned discussions are taking place and I think ‘so?’ I resent extra pointless time.

Am I getting old and jaded or is this motherhood?

It isn’t just the staying awake at night sort of caring though.

I keep rolling my eyes so much I’m surprised I haven’t memorised the paint on my ceiling whenever someone mentions the trauma that their children experienced during lockdown.

I have discovered the phrase ‘as discussed’ sets me into a rage - as in ‘As discussed on the 27th March, the due date on set work must appear in red font. Please immediately ensure this is done on this weeks work and in all future work set.’

Before as discussed it was cultural capital and knowledge organisers that set me into a rage.

I wish corona would actually sweep teaching clean of bullshit but it won’t.

I worked hard to build a career in hospitality after having my son as I've always been driven. Worked ridiculous hours, for no money basically half the time but I loved it. Ill health destroyed that career option and I was devastated. However, I realised that I was more devastated at missing out on so much with DS. 5 years later I have just had my 2nd child ( 10 year age gap) and my priorities have totally shifted. I want a career that allows more of a home/work balance so am retraining, as I'm not willing to sacrifice all my time with my children. They are only young once. I think sometimes life comes along, whether it be health, children etc and our priorities change completely. We evaluate what is important in life. Yes, jobs/careers should have an element of enjoyment for your own sanity but equally you shouldn't live to work!

I’m not sure it’s always having a baby that does this. I’m child free and was incredibly ambitious in my early career - working long hours, taking professional exams. Then I reached my mid 30s and it all seemed to melt away. I wonder if it was some sort of mild burnout, me realising that I should work to live not live to work, or a combination of both.

I think this is probably quite common when you have children. It makes you reevaluate your priorities.

The problem is that teaching isn’t the kind of job where you can coast along not caring until your kids grow up. It isn’t fair on the children you teach if you can’t put 100% effort in.

OP I would strongly recommend you reassess this after your mat leave.

Totally natural when pregnant or with a small baby that work is no longer the top of your priority list.

But don’t mistake that for meaning you have lost interest in it altogether. You may well find that after a year of the drudgery of caring for a small baby you will be desperate for some order and mental stimulation. I know I was.

Without knowing about your family setup and finances also it’s usually a terrible idea to put yourself in a position where you are wholly financially dependent on a man. But yourself the space to think about it properly and don’t lose your financial independence.

Nailed it. Nothing feels good enough.
Changed so much in past 11 years.
Laughing at @Mumdiva99 post.
You are talked at in meetings. It's all sold as so important but a lot of it is bullshit that actually doesn't impact reaching. 26 year of assistant heads who only taught for couple years before promotion and have forgotten already time constraints of the job and have no concept of staff having to prioritise their own family and kids.
I'd never go back full time even when my kids are old enough to need no childcare.

Why not thepeoples?

If what I actually DO is not impacted in any way, does it really, honestly matter how I FEEL?

Apologies. tiredanddangerous not thepeoples But as I said thepeoples I’m not planning to leave.

toffeefig not sure I understand your question.

The point I was making is that it’s natural for a pregnant woman or new mum to find work all a bit meh. It’s never going to seem as important as looking after your baby and rightly so.

But I wouldn’t base any long term decisions about your career on the way you feel now. It’s fairly common to feel like this when you are in the “nesting” stage and with small babies.

But financial independence is so important. Don’t lose this. Never ever rely on a man for money.

If you need to take long mat leave, cut hours when you go back etc do what you have to do. But you never know where you will be in five years. Leave your options open.

But I haven’t said that I want to or am planning to leave!

This is normal. Wiser, more life experience and start to work out what’s really important. Having a baby puts lots into perspective

I feel the same and my kids are much bigger so I don’t think it’s motherhood. I think in my case it’s just the scales fell from my eyes and I can see that most of most jobs are just pointless bullshit and it’s just playing a game.

When the kids are older things change again!

I knew you were a teacher!

Before DC I did exactly as you describe!
If I wasn’t doing the job I was thinking about the job or planning for the job.
It is such a time consuming profession.

I went P/T after having DC. It was the only way to balance home/work life.

I think your priorities shift for a while when you’re in the trenches with young children. You’re so tired and emotionally and mentally preoccupied you just don’t have the extra energy for the little stuff. But it does come back eventually, promise!

FizzFan most jobs are pointless bullshit, you’re right (arguably not teaching but that’s another thread).

But the point about them is they provide financial freedom. Which is one of the primary considerations for a mother.

And as long as you go in and do your job the best you can that’s enough. I’ve had enough of blood, sweat and tears and slogging my guts out for employers who at the end of the day just see you as a money making machine (maybe not in teaching lol) and if you dropped dead would replace you without even blinking.

Of course @thepeopleversuswork. I get it. I’m a mother with a career myself

That’s precisely the point thepeoples

I am doing it for the money. No other reason, really. And I’ll stay in it for that reason.

I know exactly what you mean. I’m in a good, well paid job a lot of people would be very grateful for. I’ve worked bloody hard and it’s paid off. But now I’m pregnant with my second I sit in meetings where people talk about things being “extremely important” and just think ARE YOU ON GLUE?
We’re all wealthy and trying to work out how to get wealthier. It’s not curing cancer. I feel like a veil has been lifted.

If it's teaching I feel the same and like you am not planning to leave.
I LOVE teaching. I have poured my heart and soul, as well as money and time, into it.
I hate all the extra bullshit and especially at the moment the backlash towards teachers has really upset me. Somehow whatever we do, teachers are always the target as everyone seems to think we just toss it off and go home at 3:30
I wish some people saw those of us spending our own money on resources for children when budgets are crap, staying up late at night to create engaging activities, spending our lunch break running clubs, booster sessions after school, feeding children who don't have breakfast, for no extra pay or recognition.
Really feel for you. Are you going back part time?

I know exactly what you mean. It’s not just about having a baby. I’ve worked in a number of jobs the the private and picnic sector and it’s the same wherever you go. The bullshitometer starts swinging and once it starts it won’t stop. We’re in the throes of ‘reflective practice’ as a mantra (I have a think about my day on the drive home from work - I don’t need to write a fucking essay in a journal about it. How does anyone get anything done in any sort if reasonable timescale if they have to write about the process every 5 minutes?), ‘self-care’ (if I take time off the work doesn’t get done so that’s a load of shite), perfectly mundane concepts designed into a ‘model’ or a ‘framework’ when it could have been done and finished, etc. etc. I’m sure half this stuff is designed for the sole purpose of making people try to pretend to be smarter than they actually are. I sat in a 2 hour meeting yesterday that could have been a 10 line email. Arrgh!

Teacher here also, I felt the same when I had my dd. Not sure if I was already losing the passion for it a short while before, but having her reinforced it. I used to put everything into it and I mean everything. The same as you, I spent so much on resources, I enjoyed planning at weekends and constantly researched and talked about my job and class. Not really sure what happened! I now do private tutoring a few hours per week and like it, but don’t know if I can see myself ever being back in a classroom.

I think you’ve misunderstood the post a bit to be honest decafjitters, which isn’t a criticism. You’re probably a nicer person than me as I couldn’t care less about the criticism. They aren’t criticising me personally as far as I know! And I can’t get worked up about a bowl of cereal eaten at home or school either.

I’m not planning on part time but we’ll see. I might change my mind.

FizzFan toffeefig I guess that's the perennial challenge for working mums isn't it.

I have worked in a succession of jobs which are to a greater or lesser degree bullshit since having my DD. I some degree of professional satisfaction from them at various times but they are all strictly non-essential, don't contribute significantly to the welfare of humanity and take up a vast amount of the time and energy I could be lavishing on my DD.

I resent my employers sometimes for this and, particularly during lockdown, have thought it very unfair that I am doing a lot of pointless work for people who don't appreciate it when I could be spending time with my DD. I'd love to do something which I think is more beneficial to society and which allows me a better work/life balance.

The thing which keeps me going though is the importance of never having to put my financial freedom, or that of my daughter, in the hands of someone else. That alone is worth all the stress and overwork.