AIBU about my partner's sexist views?

[lockdown67]

I'm soooo annoyed!!

Me and my partner have just sold a wardrobe to a woman. He asked me, "is her husband coming to pick it up wit her?". After a few more questions, he stated that two women wouldn't be able to lift it.

He is now saying "why are you getting so upitty about something so trivial" when in actual fact it's just everyday sexism.

I'm not a raging feminist but I think his views are a joke. Thoughts?

Well when is her husband coming to get it?

Well generally men are stronger than women so I wouldn't read to much into and I say that as a strong woman

I’d say that in general men are physically stronger than women. I’m a feminist.

Statistically men are probably stronger, on average, than women. But I don't think in this context it's essential that we know a man is coming. 2 women can lift a wardrobe. Just the same as a man and a woman can!

YANU, OP

Other people are. It's not that men aren't generally stronger, it's the assumption:

1. she has a husband
2. two women can't lift a wardrobe

My wardrobe is not heavy and a female friend and I can lift it.

@JammyHands thank you!!! I also said to him, how the hell do you know she has a husband?!

I would ask the same, I am sexist?
Men are generally stronger.
I think your husband just thought that her husband would help as he would to you.
You are reading way too much into this.

Tbh I would be annoyed if someone selling me a wardrobe just assumed I needed to bring a man to move it!

So yes he is being sexist and I wouldn't like it one bit if I were married to someone with those kind of views

Is there anything wrong with being a raging feminist?

You’re right that she may not have a husband and she might be very strong with an equally strong friend. I have a husband but have felt annoyed in the past when someone has assumed I do.

Does he know that she's married to a man? I'm surprised he has this info!

In general yes men are stronger than women but, would an 80yo man be more capable at this than a 30 year old woman?

Yes it is sexist because he's never met her, she could be an Olympic weight lifter for all he knows!

If the question was on average who is stronger a man or a woman the same age then ok.

If it's individuals then all bets are off if he doesn't know them!

How does he know she's married to a man is what I'm most interested in!!

@Teenangels unfortunately you've just assumed I have a husband 😉🤣😂😂 which I don't!

Casual everyday sexism. Regardless of whether men are stronger than women or not, it is the assumption that is the problem.
Asking, "Is she bringing someone with her to pick it up?" would have covered all possible options.

I wouldn’t get so worked up about it - the poor man was probably only concerned for the woman being able to get it home safely.

Maybe you should become a raving feminist! I am one, it's great.

I don't lift wardrobes though. I ask stronger people to do it for me.

I'm enjoying showing him this thread! We are now in bed having a debate about everyday sexism 😂😂😂 just what he wanted.

Yes, it's casual sexism.
I was once carrying a sack of grain out of the RSPB shop, with DH opening the door for me. Someone coming in 'jovially' said to him, 'you should be carrying that'.

Well, no, because although he looked fine he was waiting for a heart procedure, and the comment was thoughtless and sexist.
I

Also, it's funny that as a woman I'm supposedly automatically weaker. And yet I have a professional career and savings whilst my partner has neither, what does this mean in his world of sexism? Intriguing...

I afree this is casual sexism and I do challenge of when I hear it. In the office if anyone ever asks for a man to help carry something I say we don't need a man and go and help.

The one I hate the most is when people say man up. One, women can be pretty tough, we don't need to be told to be more man and two, it reinforces that men should just get on with things, not struggle or take notice of their feelings and in a world where men are so much less likely to seek help for mental health issues I just don't think that's helpful.

Sorry, that was a bit of an off topic rant 😳

Well is it a heavy wardrobe or not? My adult dd and i couldn't lift a heavy wardrobe, whereas my dh and adult son could.

And what has a professional career and savings got to do with physical strength?

I'm with you OP. I'm stronger and fitter than my male partner in just about every respect. So I call out this sexism every time.

@Deadringer because the outdated views that women are incapable and weak are also linked to the outdated views that women should remain in the home, unemployed, as mothers.

You are the one in bed with a sexist op, not me.

It is casual sexism. Perfectly rational and not particularly pernicious, but sexist nonetheless. Two women are perfectly capable of carrying a wardrobe.
By the way being a raging feminist is grossly under-rated. I recommend it to everyone.