Am I in the wrong?

[whatsaredflag]

DH put dinner in the oven while I was working. After a while I could smell burning went to investigate and dinner was almost ruined.

I was pissy because we were in the same room so if I could smell it then surely he could and as usual I'd had to stop what I was doing and sort it out. After a few terse words I was told all I had to do was speak the fuck up.

AIBU or not? I'm really annoyed at the minute.

YANBU

Is it worth this aggro? I just tell him to sort it or order a takeaway and be done with it.

If you were both in the room how come it's 100% down to him to do something about it?

@hingeandbracket because he'd put the oven on etc. I had no idea what time as I was working.

This is how we ended up with burnt burgers last week. I was inside prepping the salad and could see DH on the lounger when he should have been flipping, but for once in my life decided to live with consequences. blinking annoying.

Yanbu.
He probably thought he'd helped you by putting it in the oven so it was your job to do the rest

I'm more annoyed that I was told to speak the fuck up if I'm honest.

@rookiemere

This is how we ended up with burnt burgers last week. I was inside prepping the salad and could see DH on the lounger when he should have been flipping, but for once in my life decided to live with consequences. blinking annoying.

He'd sat down to watch tv

Had he smelt it? Perhaps not..? Things that smell strong to one person can be imperceptible to someone else.

Maybe, maybe not

The response of a decent person is to shoulder the blame, and suck it up. Not blame an innocent bystander.

Nobody should be speaking to their partner in those kinds of terms – "speak the fuck up" is not OK.

But it also wouldn't have cost you much to simply say you could smell burning.

Are you both particularly stressed at the moment?

@ladybee28

Nobody should be speaking to their partner in those kinds of terms – "speak the fuck up" is not OK.

But it also wouldn't have cost you much to simply say you could smell burning.

Are you both particularly stressed at the moment?

Yes we are both stressed. I just think there are ways of speaking to people and saying that has really got my back up. If the roles were reversed here I would have said something like you should have said something to me.

He put it in the oven. He's in charge of it. Fact.

And he needs to apologise.

Big 🚩 . LTB!!! Run for the hills and never look back!!!
Alternatively laugh about it over beans on toast. Life's too short.

He shouldn't have spoken to you like that but what did you bring pissy involve?

@Woodmarsh

He shouldn't have spoken to you like that but what did you bring pissy involve?

Me being pissy was because I just felt like as usual I was being left to sort everything out.

Thanks for all the replies. I can see I'm in the wrong here as well.

@whatsaredflag

Thanks for all the replies. I can see I'm in the wrong here as well.

As far as I can see your only mistake was not to point out to him that it was burning. The person cooking is responsible for monitoring the overn. Does he know how to use a timer?

Why didn't you just say "hey, DH, I think you might need to check on dinner, I can smell something burning". You didn't need to go and see to it yourself.

At the point you smell burning it is often too late to save it even if you do speak up so the outcome would have been the same - burnt food. To avoid this you are supposed to note what time you put it in the oven on or keep an eye on it. He is in the wrong for not doing this and for telling you to speak up which would have still meant burnt food.

"Babe, smells like dinner is burning, can you grab it as I'm working?"

Too simple?

@zeeboo

"Babe, smells like dinner is burning, can you grab it as I'm working?"

Too simple?

No not too simple at all point taken

YABU Why not just point out that something was burning like a grown up instead of playing the martyr.

@whatsaredflag I think you have accepted that you were a bit petty and I'm not sure what being pissy sounds like, so can't really comment on that but your DH shouldn't be swearing at you either.

You need to have a good chat, tell him why you were "pissy" and apologise and that you don't expect him to swear at you and you expect an apology from him.

Maybe explain to your manchild in words of one syllable that “putting dinner in the oven” means more than just switching it on and forgetting it. Spell out that it includes “checking the cooking time” and “getting it out again”.
Perhaps he is hard of thinking. Or one of those men who deliberately mess up any domestic chore to try and ensure you never ask them again.