To not want to give these things back to MIL

[Evasmummy2019]

Me and my husband have recently ended our 7 year marriage. He is no longer living in our home but staying with his parents in another town. I am staying in the family home with our 6 month old daughter. He sees her on a Wednesday evening and she goes over there to stay on Saturday morning at 10 until 6pm in the Sunday. I'm not 100% comfortable with this as my dd is SN and I am also still breastfeeding. But it is only fair that he spends quality time with her. My problem is that last week things got pretty nasty his side, he siad some horrible things out of anger when he came to see our daughter and the next day turned up with a list that his mother had written for him of things to get from our house. On this list were things like the knitted clothes our dd came out of hospital in (MIL made these). Also shawls and blankets his mum had given us before she was born. Also on the list the camera theyed lent us to take some nice pictures of our baby. A PILLOW for our dd to sleep on when there and also a peice of art that my mil made her with her name on that's up in her nursery. In my Laura Ashley frame that I got fory birthday. He's taken them back with him and I'd really like them back. I've recently had some drama over baby clothes being taken back and don't need anymore upset in my life. I don't have the mental strength for it anymore. I've asked for these items back ASAP. I would like to get the photos off of the memory card and I'd love to keep the clothes my baby came out of hospital in. It was such a special day for me. And regarding the pillow that's a whole other issue which Ive already adrressed. Am I unreasonable to not want to give these back?

[Ellisandra]

@wheretonow123 OP already answered that question if you RTFT. And it’s not a good idea to tell people to change the locks when they have no legal right to do so.

[AdobeWanKenobi]

@PyongyangKipperbang

You AS her name and made a point of mentioning a previous thread to be supportive.....yeah right

I didn't have to AS her name, it's quite memorable and she only posted the thread last week.
I'm sorry your memory isn't good enough to remember posters across boards, mine is.

[2bazookas]

Your DD's father and his family are eager to share her care. That's all that matters really.

Try to find the good and hope in that, so you can keep that relationship going for her sake.

[Abitouting]

To posters saying that the dad has the right to keep the clothes too as they are also special to him.. well yes this is true. But it's not him asking for it? It's his mum who wants it. That's the impression I'm getting anyway.

[EveleftEden]

@2bazookas

Your DD's father and his family are eager to share her care. That's all that matters really.

Try to find the good and hope in that, so you can keep that relationship going for her sake.

I think they could do that without going in to OP house and taking belongings. They should go and re buy things for their house. They see the baby once a week, the baby will hardly use them there.

[EveleftEden]

Evasmummy2019 is the house in his name only?

[KitchenConfidential]

Do not do anything without getting some decent legal advice.

[CJsGoldfish]

@Evasmummy2019 You seem REALLY unwilling to even consider stopping the overnights, despite hundreds of experienced parents informing you how bad it is for your child's development.....?

Some of you really need to pipe down with the STOP THAT RIGHT NOW.
@Evasmummy2019 your baby will be fine. Many, many experienced parents know this to be true.
If you decide you cannot send her any more then you know you cannot send her to your sister either right?
You can't say yes to your sister having your dd and NOT her father. Don't start using your child that way because it won't go well for you and you don't need that right now. Concentrate on making sure you get all that you are entitled to.

[Dougalthesyrianhamster]

@CJsGoldfish It's not about WHO has the baby, it's that the baby is away from her Mummy for such an extended period every single week!

It's detrimental to the baby's development

[Ellisandra]

@Dougalthesyrianhamster bullshit.
If OP was a doctor returning to one night shift a week in hospital after 6 months maternity leave, would you be telling her that it was detrimental to her baby to spend that night with her father in sole charge?

[StatementKnickers]

@Evasmummy2019

My daughter was born with a cleft palate and suffers with severe reflux. She had special bottles and a certain way she needs to be fed. She has a couple of other birth defects and my sister knows EXACTLY how to care for my daughter correctly. I get up in the night every night with my daughter and have done since birth. He never has. He's not supported me through infertility and ivf, miscarriage and infant loss. He's been completely emotionally unavailable and that's why our marriage has ended. I send my baby to my sisters as a rest for me. So I can sleep for more than 3 hours at a time and not have to be mummy for a few hours. That keeps my mental health in good order. Yes he has cut off financial support. I have applied for UC as a single person and am entitled to just over £600 for me and my daughter which is a massive relief.

Who gets up in the night with DD when she is at his place for the night? If you think he is neglecting her then that could be a reason to stop overnight visits.

[Cocobean30]

Do not leave the house!! As everyone has said ignore your ex and speak to a solicitor

[BirdyCheepCheep]

Your baby shouldn't be away from you for that length of time while you are bf

[starrynight87]

They are being petty and mean. Try to save your energy for your daughter xxx

[TiddlestheCat]

So, he has his Mil on his side barking orders. Who do you have on yours to help you to fight your corner?!
You need someone to take over for you here. You need someone to do some research/ be there for when he visits.
Firstly, her being away from you for that long is way too much. She's too young and it is potentially damaging for you both. Secondly, get legal advice. Perhaps your health visitor can point you into the direction of organisations that can help you. I don't know the ins and outs of who owns the house, your financial contributions etc, but even short term renters cannot just be chucked out with three weeks notice. Add to the equation that you have a baby and that we're in a pandemic and that it's his own daughter and he is being nasty. Do not dwell on her being your one and only. She may be. She might not be. You might settle down with someone else lovely and try again in a few years, if you are young enough. You are understandably emotional as you are exhausted. Focus on looking after your mental health. Make sure that you start to get out and about now that lockdown is lifting and try to attend some baby clubs so that you get to meet other mums and socialize/get support. Build yourself a network. Good luck. Let the other stuff (other than the photos go).

[Humberbear]

Courts can and do give overnight access to children of 6 months. It would go against you in court if you now stop overnights because he would say that you have let your sister have her overnight and he has also had her overnight.
Court orders are often changed as a child grows older and starts school. Dads are encouraged to have their children. It is about what is best for the baby. Saying babies need to be with mum 24/7 or they suffer is crap. It's just like saying mums who work are making their child suffer.
I'm sure dad has been capable of looking after his child overnight when baby has stayed.

[TinkerPony]

If you both own the house stay put, I'm sure legally you are allowed to stay in the primary until child is 18. Even if you don't own this is your child primary residence as on birth certificate too so I'm sure you can stay until court make decision what they think best. Don't let him manipulate you.
Then sell and take half what owed.
Same for car, ifhe took car that is insured at your house then report it stolen by him as you part owner too and the fact he taken it to park elsewhere it would effect insurance if damage or stolen at other parking park say mil House
then order to sell car and claim half each so you can to buy own car.

On a positive note, I'm also very glad for you to finally have your precious baby in your loving arms. Take care.

[jessstan2]

TinkerPony Wed 01-Jul-20 17:01:01
If you both own the house stay put, I'm sure legally you are allowed to stay in the primary until child is 18. Even if you don't own this is your child primary residence as on birth certificate too so I'm sure you can stay until court make decision what they think best. Don't let him manipulate you.
.........
That.

I can't believe your newly-ex thinks he can get you out of your home.
Change the locks!

[dontdisturbmenow]

You seem REALLY unwilling to even consider stopping the overnights, despite hundreds of experienced parents informing you how bad it is for your child's development.....?
Hundred of experienced parents? This is MN, not representative of 5he majority of mums and certainly not psychologist experts!

[disorganisedsecretsquirrel]

What a load of bollocks shouted in here with the 'stop overnights NOW ! ' nonsense .

Plenty of women work a night shift with a six month baby and leave the infant with their father ..

Has OP mentioned the baby being distressed anywhere in her post ? No she hasn't. What babies need is routine above all else. Staying with her father, grandparents and OPs sister IS her routine..

Court ?? Why ? What do you all really think a judge is going to say ?
OP : I want to stop my ex seeing his child overnight.
Judge : why ?
OP : because she is 6minths and needs to bond with me.
Judge : She also needs to bond with her father. AND you have been allowing this for sometime AND allowing your sister to have her overnight. So the bonding argument doesn't work ..
Application refused.

(At best you will get a different arrangement of days so that you have some weekend time with her.)

The baby isn't breast fed for all those banging on about it. Baby has breast milk and formula in a special bottle. This isn't something only the mother can do.

The stuff to focus on OP is the house and money. You are married so he can't sell or get you out without a court order so the 'three months to leave' can be ignored. Make sure your name is on the land registry as a marital interest. House money will NOT be his or 50/50 if you have the lions share if care. He has to provide for his child's housing.

Also

[Nanny0gg]

So if he's never shared her care, who's giving her her feeds when he has her?

[IndieRo]

I wouldn't ask for them back now. More hassle than it's worth. How petty and immature of mil and ex DH. Never ceases to amaze me the way families change during a seperation/divorce. Mil needs to mind her own business.

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

Good God overnights won't harm a child's development. What bollocks to spout.

And it just shows how some women will use any old shite to restrict a dad from having access.........honestly, idiots spouting hysterical nonsense like that give the rest of us a bad name.

[Idontlikewednesdays]

@FlaskMaster

Cut your losses. It's just stuff. You've got the baby and she's what matters. You need to focus on what's important here. The access arrangements. He has her all weekend every weekend! What happens when you're at work and/or she's at school/nursery? You'll be paying for all the childcare all week and not seeing her or having quality time with her, or you'll be looking after her and not being able to work, while he has her for all of the only 2 days that you all have off work! You need to share the quality time and the work/childcare cost time. Not to mention you're going two full days not feeding a breastfed baby, are both you and she ok with that physically and emotionally?
Stop obsessing over junk that doesn't matter, that shit's gone. Start getting serious about the only thing that's really important here, time with your baby.

Fantastic advice.

[Evasmummy2019]

I can't legally change the locks but I can add a lock to the. Front door which I'll do. I'm getting some important bits of paper up together to take to my sisters and will keep there. I don't think I can stop overnights now.