AIBU to think I shouldn't already fit into my old jeans 8 months pp?

[BabyLlamaZen]

I lost some weight immediately after giving birth and thought it would be easy, but then nothing. I felt ok as I had just had a baby and told myself that as it takes 9 months for my body to grow, it should take 9 months to get it back. And that was without lockdown and the fact you are exhausted and have a baby to look after. I also hate the pressure on women and assumed it wouldn't be just me.

I am now 8 months post partum. I
went out for a socially distant NCT picnic last week and started noticing (now that we're less wrapped up in coats) that the others looked super slim and were wearing jeans (around size 8/10). And some of them seemed to have put one lot of weight when pregnant. They are all 8 or 9 months post partum.

I went to another one today and there were different members of the group, but also really slim! One of them was still in leggings and long tops but she looked really toned. Everyone else back in normal jeans.

I literally cant get any jeans to fit me. I had a pair of size 12 I bought (always a 10 before) that were a horrible strain and just dont fit. Most of my weight is thighs and hips. I wasnt too bothered but seeing them has now made me worries it's taking me too long. I dont know how they do it. I also feel like I still look really unattractive.

YABU - you should be able to fit into them by now

YANBU - it takes longer than 8 months if at all

Surely it's just personal to you.

After my first two pregnancies, I could wear my old non-maternity clothes almost immediately. After 8 months, I was very thin. But that is me, not YOU. Your body is not my body (or any of the women from your antenatal groups etc); it's your body and there's no point in comparing it to other people's.

It's like going to a yoga class. I can go along and look around and wonder why everyone else is more flexible than me. But I could go for years and I'd never have the same flexibility in my back and hips that some people naturally have (due to arthritis). What I need to do is to concentrate on my body and what it can do, and celebrate that. Looking around and feeling that it's not as good as someone else's is no help to me at all.

So, who cares what size jeans anyone else is wearing?

I have put YABU only because body weight/shape is very individual and I would be in my pre-pregnancy clothes at that stage. What is reasonable for you is personal to your body, not mine.

Maybe your shape has changed as you've grown older? Maybe you were underweight for your shape/height pre-pregnancy? Maybe you just take longer than me to return to your pre-pregnancy weight? Honestly, I don't think comparing yourself to other moms is helpful. We aren't all clones and your baby doesn't care what any other mom looks like; you are a great mom and your baby thinks you look fabulous. :)

There’s no standard time frame. I lost my pregnancy weight after DD1 after about 6 weeks (breastfeeding, and she was HUNGRY!), but I’ve never got back into my old jeans because my hips are wider than they were before I had her.

If your old clothes don’t fit well, you have a couple of choices:

• try to lose some extra weight (might be tough, it’s not like you can always prioritise yourself when you’ve got a baby/toddler. Probably easier once your DC is on the go and you can chase them all day!)

• wear them even though they don’t fit well (which in my experience looks awful! I’m just not the same shape I was)

• buy some new clothes that suit your current shape (if this is an option for your budget)

Please don’t feel crap because other people have a different journey from yours. Some of my NCT group got back into their old clothes and looked great, some were in denial and wore them and looked awful.... some changes are permanent for some people, and a new shape doesn’t have to be a worse shape. I’ll never fit my old jeans again, but I actually think I have a better hourglass shape (or did before I got pregnant again) and because my bottom is wider it is flatter and I like it that way.

I don't think, based on your YABU and YANBU options, that either one is right. There is no should and everyone is different. Nobody should be judging anyone for losing too quickly or too slowly.

FWIW, I was the same after dc2 as I had been before dc1 a few months pp. I think this was mainly due to bfing a very hungry baby, so annoyingly, when I stopped bfing, I gained weight and have gained ever since! I've gone from a healthy bmi to almost obese and I haven't had any more babies in between. My point being that, it isn't a given that you will be at your biggest pp. It certainly hasn't been the case for me!

Just be kind to yourself and don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

After my first i was back in my pre pregnancy jeans within days.... I expected the same after number two but it was a couple of months. I wish I could wear those same jeans now, 17 years later!

Everybody is different and every body is different. Comparing yourself to others is not going to help you be who you want to be.

Please don’t dwell on this, as others have said every single body on the planet is different. They could even have been incredibly stressed or sick during pregnancy and post partum, so many variables and body compositions. Get some comfy dressed and shape wear if it would be make you feel more comfortable, and stretchy high waisted jeans.

It is different for everyone. Sometimes you will lose weight but your shape will be different. Breastfeeding can also make a difference but not the same for everyone - for some it helps them lose more quickly, for others it means their body goes out of the way to hold onto fat.

I'd think more in terms of being fit than size. It's a good idea to try and get some exercise, both for physical recovery and mental health. Your body is going to change over time no matter what.

YANBU but you are being unrealistic just because every woman is different.

I was overweight going into pregnancy with DD1. I had such a miserable time with sickness that I lost 2 stone during the pregnancy. By the time my womb contracted I was in jeans 3 sizes smaller than when I conceived.

Even though I needed to lose the weight I wasn't healthier for doing it because my body took a battering. It took a year to get myself into shape in terms of feeling like a human and having a normal relationship with exercise/food again.

Don't compare yourself against others, do what you need to do but try to keep an eye on making sure you're eating good foods and getting some exercise in even if it's just an extra long walk with the pram.

There’s no right or wrong amount of time to lose the baby weight. I gained very little weight due to HG and lost it very quickly as I could only manage really small portions after spending 9 months throwing up and having my insides rearranged during my c-section. I think I’d happily not have gone through that even if it meant not fitting back into my jeans immediately. Go buy yourself some new jeans that fit, be kind to yourself and stop comparing yourself to others.

It depends how much weight you put on during pregnancy.

I think after about 8 months it's no longer "baby weight" it's just weight. You have to make a conscious effort to lose weight though. It won't magically fall off for most people after having a baby.

Eat less, chose healthy options, exercise more. I don't want to sound unfeeling; it is difficult- especially as you're a tired mum and stressed with lockdown!
If your weight is making you unhappy, make an effort to change habits.

Comparing yourself to other slimmer mums is a hiding to nothing though. It will always make you feel bad. Someone will always be prettier, slimmer, richer or wittier than you. Try to avoid!

Truth is you have to work at it, same as before pregnancy.

Takes as long as it takes op! Are you watching what you eat/exercising?
Not many women are size 8/10 so if a group of them are all that size its unusual.
I didnt put on much weight at all when I was pregnant but it took me ages to lose it.

Try not to compare yourself to others. Buy yourself some nice jeans and a couple of pretty tops in the size you are now.

I was never out of my jeans with my first baby. I wore my size 10 normal jeans all the way through pregnancy up to the birth and on the days, weeks and months afterward.

My hips got wider with my second baby. Now I need size 12 jeans in most shops. I’m the same weight as I was before I had any babies, but I’m a different shape and I don’t think I’ll ever be in the size 10 jeans again unless I can shave off some bone.

There is no right way.

Agree that what hasn’t disappeared within a couple of months with take some effort to shift. I lost mine in a about 5 months but it did take effort. I focused on exercise (because I enjoy it) and a bit on diet. I stopped buying biscuits and made a few healthy choices but nothing crazy (still BF so didn’t want to limit calories too much).

My first pregnancy completely changed my shape and I never got back into my jeans! My thighs and hips were wider. I’ve just had my second baby and fitted back into my jeans after a week 🤷🏼‍♀️ Everyone’s different and you shouldn’t compare yourself to anyone else. I still have a baggy belly but I hide it behind high waisted jeans, people may look toned but if you wear the right stuff you can hide certain body issues. As long as you’re healthy and happy nothing else matters.

I got back into my normal jeans immediately after giving birth the first time. The second time it took slightly longer.

It's a very personal thing - so no timeframe can be put on it. Please don't be hard on yourself. Some ladies will slim quickly, but all of us will have slightly different bodies to what we had before (e.g. boobs smaller/bigger, broader back etc.)

I think I put on 30-35lbs during pregnancy. I lost the first stone and a bit in the first 4 weeks and was back in pre-preg jeans by end of week 3 I think (maybe not as comfy as before though - my stomach is slightly lumpier than before and hips a bit wider!) without trying - I think it was running on empty most of the time as DS was colicky plus the natural weight loss of post-birth when you lose a lot of water weight. I then joined Slimming World for 6 weeks to lose the last stone and I was a few pounds lighter than pre-preg just before he turned 4 months I think. I think what doesn't naturally fall off in the immediate month after birth requires actively dieting and lots of exercise to shift.

Ah don’t worry! I put on about 3 stone AFTER my dd was born because I was so bloody miserable and tired, I ate loads. She’s 2 now and I’m slimmer than before I got pregnant so it’s not forever.

YABU for phrasing your post the way you have - if you want to lose the weight but struggle, that’s fine. If you want to lose the weight and find it easy, also fine. If you don’t want to lose the weight at all, that’s fine too. How does ‘should’ and ‘shouldn’t’ come into it? Everyone is different.

Everyone is different. My sisters and I are all the same shape and after our pregnancies we all returned to a prepregnancy shapes, or not, in different ways and times. I am really, really active and was so during my pregnancy so I was my pre-pregnancy shape two weeks after birth. The weight drained off me as it was mainly water. I am not boasting, in fact I lost it so quickly I thought I was ill. One of my sister’s body shape was completely different after pregnancy. The other one struggled to lose the weight but did so after about a year And is now as she was.

If you want to return to your previous shape, eat well and exercise but don’t make weight your end goal, make good health your aim. And for heaven’s sake don’t compare yourself to others, go at your own pace and don’t be mean to yourself.

😂😂😂😂😂 4.5 years pp and still 2 sizes to go...

It's not a reason to stop but I found weight fell off me when I stopped breastfeeding. Something about your body holding onto fat reserves for milk production. That might explain some women's more rapid return to pre baby weight.

Like pps are saying, everyone's different.

The most important thing in the first few months is to enjoy your new baby and congratulate yourself for getting dressed in the morning at some point in the day.

It depends on your pregnancy. With DS1 I gained loads. With DS2 17lb (already overweight). So with DS2 I was back in my jeans within 3 weeks (with DS1 it was 3 years).

Are you bfing OP? I stubbornly clung to weight while bfing. Then when I stopped it melted off, it was like a miracle.