*Trigger* abortion. And friend's insensitivity

[FromthesameWorld]

I had an abortion in Dec 2018 as I wasnt ready. I'm 25. It turned out being for the best as I found out ex was a player, even though I had been with him for 4 years.

I was distraught and to this day I still think 'what if?'. It caused depression and anxiety for quite a few months.

About 2 months after it, I confided in my friend as I was going through a breakup and struggling emotionally. She was supportive

About 2 days after I told her, we went for a car ride and she was saying how her and her boyfriend were speaking about what would happen if they had a baby and that they would never abort it and keep it. I didnt say anything but I didnt get why she was telling me 2 days after I confided in her about my abortion.

Last week, we went on a social distance walk and she said she thought she missed her period but it had come. She said she was in bed with her boyfriend and they said if she did turn out to be pregnant (she"s not) they'd keep it, not abort it.

I'm probably being sensitive but it feels like a kick in the teeth every time she highlights abortion.

It’s not she’s literally just telling you that she wouldn’t have an abortion. On the other hand, myself and my best friend have both had medical/surgical abortions due to miscarriage and our other friend goes on about how she would get an abortion if she was to get pregnant - she isn’t on any contraception...

She doesn't sound like a real friend.

That was insensitive - especially the first time. There was no need for her to mention it, and it sounds like she was judging your decision (which she has no right to - you made the right choice for you).

I agree with the posters above she doesn’t seem like a real friend, she is taking some weird pleasure in telling you this to put the boot in or judge you.

She is out of order.

@LizzyAnna99 so 2 days after someone tells you they have had an abortion is the perfect time to announce you wouldn't have an abortion?

I'm probably being sensitive about last week but it's the fact she highlights quite regularly that her and her boyfriend will not have an abortion. That's great but I don't need it announced to me once every 4 months

It's happened a few times,
Even sitting eating a meal last summer she'd say how much her boyfriend wants them to have a baby and that they'd definitely keep it if she did get preganant but she wants to wait a little bit

Also I never speak about my abortion since the time I told her, I don't like speaking about it as it reminds me of how low I felt, so it's not as if i'm blaring in conversations about it

She is no friend of yours. I had an abortion last year, I wasnt ready and feel regret. I told my friend when I was trying to decide and this friend is highly religious and had previously mentioned that she is pro life. But she is a friend and was there for me, she even offered to come to the clinic because regardless of her feelings it was my life and choice and has supported me ever since. I had no doubt about telling her, even knowing she is against it, as I knew she would be there for me. She is so out of order and I'm sorry you feel like this

She's not a friend.

I agree she's completely insensitive.
I think she's probably not a good person to have as a friend.

If you feel like you need to, then call her out on it. She will probably do it again. It wouldn't be unreasonable to ask her why she says those things to you repeatedly, knowing it must be painful for you.

Of course, you'd be well within your rights to just drop her.

She is a bitch.

Shocked that some posters think that YABU tbh. Thought it was clear cut.

Given you confided in her you're obviously close, therefore I understand her mentioning the pregnancy scares but going on to tell you that she would keep it and labouring the point about not aborting tells me she's not a friend at all.

Having said that, if you are close enough to tell her about your abortion why don't you tell her that it's still a painful area for you, so please can she not mention what she would do about an unplanned pregnancy. Her response will tell you all you need to know about whether she is a true friend or not.

I dont mind her telling me about missed periods or that her boyfriend wants a baby, i'd be happy for her if she fell pregnant,
It's the mention of abortion every time she brings up something to do with babies.
I might have to say something if next time she brings it up she mentions it again, as I really dont need it highlighted that she will not have an abortion;

She's being a dick but not on purpose. This will come across condescending but it's reality....you’re what 27, a lot of people just aren't emotionally mature enough at that age to realise they shouldn't always say what's in their head. You've told her she's gone home and thought about it, what she would do, confided in her DP (which I’d be more annoyed about) and they've talks about what they would do. This is all natural, what takes a bit more thought is go realise it isn't to tell you about it and it's insenstive an unhelpful.

Most people grow son social awareness and emotional sensitivity....some don't though and carry on living in blissful self absorbed dickness 🤷‍♀️.

Have a think about some counselling too for your own piece of mind

I never said anything the first time, when she said it 2 days after I told her, as I was taken aback that she said it.

I was crying in her car 2 days before about my boyfriend cheating on me, the abortion, how as soon as he found out i was pregnant he wanted me to ring the abortion clinic

And then 2 days later, she's telling me how much her boyfriend wants a baby and that they were speaking about what they would do, and they wouldnt abort it.

I kind of just nodded and said 'yeahhhh' didn't really respond.

Everytime she said it since, i ignore the abortion part and keep the conversation short as in she will say
"I missed a period the other day but it finally came. We said we'd keep it if I was, not abort it"
And i would just say "oh well at least your period came" and change conversation.

I didnt bring anything up to her when she said it as I thought I was just being oversensitive

Gosh sorry about typos on my phone and making dinner at the same time!!

Yanbu she is insensitive and no friend. She had no need to mention abortion either time. I had an abortion too, it was very hard and I felt the same as you

27 isn't so young that you have no idea that's hurtful to make smug comments about not terminating. I wouldn't have been doing that at 17.

Im 25 now, i was 23 when I had the abortion, sorry for the misunderstanding

@GertrudeCB

I took 3 paragraphs to say what you managed to put succinctly in 3 words. You're spot on

We are close friends, we've been best friends since we started school in nursery,
Which is why I can't see her doing it in a malicious way, but I needed some perspectives of whether I was being oversensitive so that I will feel okay to bring it up to her next time without feeling like i'm being a party pooper

She is totally doing it on purpose and I’d ditch her for it.

Don't take this the wrong way, but the abortion is on your mind all the time, it's not on hers because people don't keep thinking about other people's shit. So I'm guessing she just didn't think. If you told her (which if you're such good friends you should be able to) how you feel I'm sure she will feel terrible and realise what she did

Sorry just realised you said she said it 2 days after the abortion. so my last comment isn't really valid but your post is abit confusing as you had the abortion in 2018 and only told her recently?