*Trigger* abortion. And friend's insensitivity

[FromthesameWorld]

I had an abortion in Dec 2018 as I wasnt ready. I'm 25. It turned out being for the best as I found out ex was a player, even though I had been with him for 4 years.

I was distraught and to this day I still think 'what if?'. It caused depression and anxiety for quite a few months.

About 2 months after it, I confided in my friend as I was going through a breakup and struggling emotionally. She was supportive

About 2 days after I told her, we went for a car ride and she was saying how her and her boyfriend were speaking about what would happen if they had a baby and that they would never abort it and keep it. I didnt say anything but I didnt get why she was telling me 2 days after I confided in her about my abortion.

Last week, we went on a social distance walk and she said she thought she missed her period but it had come. She said she was in bed with her boyfriend and they said if she did turn out to be pregnant (she"s not) they'd keep it, not abort it.

I'm probably being sensitive but it feels like a kick in the teeth every time she highlights abortion.

Been lurking and signed up to reply to you.

YANBU. This happened to me. I was very very young when I had an abortion, I wasn’t with the father. My BF said to me that it would be so much harder for her to have one because she was with her boyfriend. They discussed it at length. They decided they would keep it. I was told all this WHILST I was still pregnant. She did some other horrible stuff after that and was not supportive but that’s a different story.

I want to say to you that I think you should get counselling. I thought I was really strong when I had mine, said no to counselling, got on with life. A year later came the big breakdown, blamed others for it and turned my whole world upside down. I finally had counselling and things got better. Had a cry-shout at the father, we got on good terms again.

If this still bothers you please get some help. It festers. You don’t realise how much it can affect you. I would chat to a professional and not this friend, she is being insensitive and really unfair, however she may not realise how you truly feel if you have sheltered your feelings. Xx

@Wecandothis99 no i told her 2 months after I had it, but abortions are mentioned regularly by her since I told her;

Thanks for your responses everyone

I did consider counselling after it but never got around to it

And she didnt say it 2 days after my abortion, she said 2 days after I told her

The first instance was insensitive ,rude and hurtful.

The other not so much. Her stance isn't that you were wrong to have an abortion, but that if it happened to her she wouldn't because they do want a baby. Their situation is entirely different.

My best friend struggled for years with miscarriages and TTC , I was having nightmares about becoming pregnant again and was adamant I'd have an abortion. We are different people with different needs and wants, neither a reflection on the other's choices.

Should I have offended that she didn't want to adopt for various reasons(including" I want my own child") even though ahe knows I'm adopted?

You know, I wonder if this 'friend' is being so insensitive because she's intimidated by you. It's almost as if you let down your walls and were vulnerable with her and she is rubbing it in your face to make herself feel superior. Almost as though she is grabbing this opportunity to have 'one up' on you. I'd ditch her.

She either did it on purpose or is thick as shit.

I agree with Gertrude

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble i understand that and i dont mind if she wants to talk about pregnancies and babies, it's the fact abortion is always mentioned and this has been ever since I said it,
Tbh we never used to speak about babies before my abortion. Ever since I said it, she mentions at least one every few months that she would not have an abortion but that her boyfriend wants a baby with her.

Just feels like a kick in the teeth when this all came after I said to her I had an abortion and that my ex asked me to get one as soon as we found out. Now I get this same conversation once every few months

You should tell her you don't like her mentioning that word as it's still painful for you. Also say that if she ever wanted to discuss it, if it was a serious option for her, then that's different. Maybe next time say ' you do remember I had an abortion?' See how she reacts. I had a late miscarriage and thought anyone talking about babies or pregnancies were insensitive but realise that was just a normal reaction for me and they weren't being deliberately cruel!

She is very insensitive. Thing's will be easier abortion is a terrible experience for anyone with regrets, time is a good healer.

As always with these threads I find myself wondering how you can be friends with someone for 20yrs and not be able to say what's on your mind or how you feel? It's bizarre.

She's. Your best friend? Tell her she's upsetting you.

She’s clearly insensitive. I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt because your abortion was 18 months ago and she may have forgotten (easily done) but you said she mentions abortions a lot since finding out about yours so yeah, she’s rubbing it in. Just ditch her.