Was this assault? (trigger warning)

[ellaandthebella]

I have been dating a man for about 5 months, though our relationship was still relatively new as we couldn't see each other during lockdown. We have always had very suggestive messaging about what we would like to do to each other. Once we were able to we to we bubbled up. Last week we had a date night and I drank a bit too much wine. We had sex (consensual) that night and he stayed over at mine. I then fell into a deep drunk sleep. This morning when I woke up I can remember vaguely him having sex with me whilst I was passed out. I didn't try to stop him but was not with it at all at this point. I honestly don't know how to feel now. Was this rape or just a misunderstanding?

YABU - You didn't try to stop him so he didn't know you didn't want it.
YANBU - Yes, that is rape

There’s a difference between nice sleepy first thing in the morning sex and sex with an unresponsive partner. The fact that he lied should tell you that he knows he is on the wrong side of that line.

Fucking hell op
Run, literally block, remove, delete

and actually, you should call the police

This man had nonconsensual sex with you. He then lied repeatedly.

What would you say to a close female friend or relative if they told you about this?

This man is dangerous!

Rape, unless it was an actual dream and the evidence (for want of a better word) you found in you was a remnant of the consensual sex. It's hard to know for certain as an outsider, you're best placed to decide that.

Oh God your update makes it crystal clear - he raped you and he knows it. What an absolute cunt. I hope you are OK, please think about getting some support around this. Xx

Thank you for the replies. I have ended things.

Really hope you're ok OP, have been thinking of you today. Well done for following through and ending things

If your daughter told you that her boyfriend had sex with her while she was asleep and unresponsive would you tel her it was not rape?

No, you wouldn't, it was rape. The word may feel scary as it was not stranger rape but it was assault never the less.

Rape Crisis. I'm sorry OP.

@ellaandthebella. Well done. I think I can understand how hard it must have been waahen yearning for a bit of pòsitivity and affection. I think you have been bloody marvellous and deserve a zillion times better. Hold tight and hang on in there. You. Are. Worth. It.

Damn! Just caught up on this thread and I'm so sorry this has happened to you

Definitely a breach of trust