to switch my 13 yo son from private school to state

[SkoolRules]

We have 3 kids, school years 5, 8 and 10.

The oldest two are at a private school, but went to a state school for primary. The youngest is at a state primary now, and we were intending to send her to the private school for secondary education like her siblings.

My wife has lost her job due to Covid, and my business has been crippled by it. I’m hoping I can get it back on track in the future, but at the moment things are financially awful. Even when they were good it was a real strain paying for two sets of private school fees, and I’ll probably take a couple of years to have a chance of getting back to that level.

We need to keep our eldest at the private school as she is mid GCSE. The state school doesn’t even follow the same syllabus or use the same exam boards.

Would it be unreasonable to take our middle child out of private school and send him to the local state secondary (Ofsted says it is “Good”)? Or will he get eaten alive transitioning from private to state at that age? He is a bit of a geeky kid, likes computers and hates sport. He is very bright (would probably get all 7s, 8s and 9s at GCSE at the private school).

I’m feeling really guilty at the thought of taking him out.

We originally sent my eldest to the private school as she fell in with a really nasty crowd at the state school.

Our indie school has a hardship fund. Parents have contributed to it to help out other parents who can't afford the fees. I also know that some alumni have supported it too. I would ask this first or a fee deferment.

I’ve worked in a few schools and I think there are a couple of factors that might help. One is how transitory the area is - if a lot of people move in and out and there are frequently new people joining the school this will make it a lot easier for him to fit in. Alternatively if the school is quite small and has a nurturing caring ethos. This is the kind of school Im working in at the moment, it’s a comp in a rough area but it’s small and the staff get to know the pupils really well and it’s very nurturing, a pupil struggling to fit in would be supported.

Have you considered asking your child what they want? I don’t think removing him from a school and friendship groups he is settled in would be very good for him or your relationship with him at this tricky age!

Can’t you cut costs elsewhere?

At primary level, the quality of education isn't all that different, bit at secondary level a private or grammar education is leagues ahead of a state education in terms of expectations/resources/bullying control ...etc"

 They would say that wouldn't they.   It's often not true.

Also, just looking at your youngest's age, if you were able to move your middle son to the non catchment state school before you are applying for year 7 places for her, having a sibling link might increase your chances of a place in the same school. You'd need to check the admissions criteria of course, but its worth checking.
If I've understood correctly, your youngest will go into year 7 just as your eldest. leaves to start state 6th form. So you'd eitherhave 2 in the private sector from now til July 2023, or your youngest would be the only child to not attend the private secondary. Either way, that could be tricky.

talk to your child about it, teenage years can be brutal he needs to understand what is going on and be part of it. any chance to talking to the school - you will not be the only one in financial difficulties because of Covid. If your child hadn't already started in private it would be no issue at all

Our eldest struggled moving from private to state...we can laugh about him being Will from The Inbetweeners now, but in all honesty it’s not been particularly pleasant.

Agree with @MrsAvocet, I would look at good state schools out of your catchment. Your ds has a better chance of getting a place now than in year 7.
I don’t agree with posters who said that you should do all that you can to keep your ds at the school. Even if you manage to pay this year’s fees, what about next year. It’s just not worth the added stress.
Btw the teaching in private schools is not necessarily better. The main advantage of going private is the small classes.
Some of the best teachers are in the state system.
Really hope things get better for you Op.

Go to the local state school. It will be fine. Is your wife planning on looking for a new job?