to switch my 13 yo son from private school to state

[SkoolRules]

We have 3 kids, school years 5, 8 and 10.

The oldest two are at a private school, but went to a state school for primary. The youngest is at a state primary now, and we were intending to send her to the private school for secondary education like her siblings.

My wife has lost her job due to Covid, and my business has been crippled by it. I’m hoping I can get it back on track in the future, but at the moment things are financially awful. Even when they were good it was a real strain paying for two sets of private school fees, and I’ll probably take a couple of years to have a chance of getting back to that level.

We need to keep our eldest at the private school as she is mid GCSE. The state school doesn’t even follow the same syllabus or use the same exam boards.

Would it be unreasonable to take our middle child out of private school and send him to the local state secondary (Ofsted says it is “Good”)? Or will he get eaten alive transitioning from private to state at that age? He is a bit of a geeky kid, likes computers and hates sport. He is very bright (would probably get all 7s, 8s and 9s at GCSE at the private school).

I’m feeling really guilty at the thought of taking him out.

We originally sent my eldest to the private school as she fell in with a really nasty crowd at the state school.

If he’s doing well with the home schooling provided by the current school you could always look at one of the online schools like Interhigh , they are considerably cheaper than actual private schools and if he’s motivated then that may be a way forward .

@rivetingrushes

There are no grammar schools in our county unfortunately. Thanks for the suggestion though.

I'm sorry things are so difficult financially for you I hope you manage to get back on your feet.

With the schools, it's unfortunate but it may be a case of needs must. I agree that your eldest daughter needs to stay put due to her GCSEs.

Can you contact the state schools nearby and make some enquiries so that you hopefully have something in place in case the hardship fund doesn't work out?

Your son will likely be fine. I work in a very large state comprehensive that is graded good by Ofsted. We have a whole range of children -sporty, artisitc, outgoing, quiet, academic, musical. They all seem to find their group. We had a young man who finished school at the end of Y13 a couple of years ago who sounds very much like your son. Incredibly bright, into computing and quite introverted-he was never on his own.

Are the first two years at secondary really that different at private school than state? Genuine question from someone who has never been to a private school or sent any of my 3DC to one. I passed my 11 plus and went to a good secondary school. My DC have ended up at simular universities to their privately educated cousins, they all got the same A level grades.. When I see all the cousins interact I wouldn't know who had gone to what type of school.

My son went to a small private school. He decided he hated it and in year 10 refused to go to school unless it was the local comprehensive.

Less than a month later, he’d changed his mind and was back at his old school, and he’s definitely not a “geeky” kid, I would really try everything possible to keep your child where he is, or like someone suggested earlier, maybe switch to homeschooling/online school.

I'd be doing everything possible to keep him private, whether it be taking on extra jobs or selling items. Amazon warehouses are always looking for staff if there's one in your area. Alternatively, there are lots of gig jobs like Deliveroo and Amazon Flex that would allow you to get funds in almost straight away.

I would ask how often do new kids start at the school. I moved a lot as a child and could always tell those schools that had other children that moved in and out area. Kids were more accepting as they knew friendship groups changed.

I'd suggest going on the waiting list for the better state school, use inter high until they get a place.

Nosuchluck there may not be a lot of difference between Private and a good state school but unfortunately good state schools are not available to all of us
If a good State school was an option for us without moving house my 2 wouldn’t be at Private school
Hopefully OP will be able to get a place in one for his children

Honestly @BostonCheers, what do you think the average actual take home income of a Deliveroo driver is?

It's not going to pay for private school.

OP, if your son is bright and education is valued and encouraged at home then all the statistics suggest the type of school he attends will make very little difference to his final grades.

You don't need to do something drastic like take up homeschooling without at least giving the school a try.

He may make wonderful friends - he is not his sibling

Would it be possible to move house to a nearby area where there is a small secondary school perhaps in a quieter setting, and one which you like? I realise that this might sound like an extreme solution. However, it feels like the school issue is going to be affecting your choices for some years, since you have two children who are going to be impacted. Would a move or a downsize free up some funds, or give you space for lodgers? I realise the eldest child would need to travel to their old school, but perhaps that would be feasible. By January 2021, the time when you would be planning to make changes, could your eldest child cope with managing their late revision in a new school? I suppose if their school doesn't
return full-time, in any case, just now, much of the revision will have been organised by yourselves for the past few months, anyway.

Would it be possible to move house to a nearby area where there is a small secondary school perhaps in a quieter setting, and one which you like? I realise that this might sound like an extreme solution. However, it feels like the school issue is going to be affecting your choices for some years, since you have two children who are going to be impacted. Would a move or a downsize free up some funds, or give you space for lodgers? I realise the eldest child would need to travel to their old school, but perhaps that would be feasible. By January 2021, the time when you would be planning to make changes, could your eldest child cope with managing their late revision in a new school? I suppose if their school doesn't
return full-time, in any case, just now, much of the revision will have been organised by yourselves for the past few months, anyway.

Would it be possible to move house to a nearby area where there is a small secondary school perhaps in a quieter setting, and one which you like? I realise that this might sound like an extreme solution. However, it feels like the school issue is going to be affecting your choices for some years, since you have two children who are going to be impacted. Would a move or a downsize free up some funds, or give you space for lodgers? I realise the eldest child would need to travel to their old school, but perhaps that would be feasible. By January 2021, the time when you would be planning to make changes, could your eldest child cope with managing their late revision in a new school? I suppose if their school doesn't
return full-time, in any case, just now, much of the revision will have been organised by yourselves for the past few months, anyway.

Would it be possible to move house to a nearby area where there is a small secondary school perhaps in a quieter setting, and one which you like? I realise that this might sound like an extreme solution. However, it feels like the school issue is going to be affecting your choices for some years, since you have two children who are going to be impacted. Would a move or a downsize free up some funds, or give you space for lodgers? I realise the eldest child would need to travel to their old school, but perhaps that would be feasible. By January 2021, the time when you would be planning to make changes, could your eldest child cope with managing their late revision in a new school? I suppose if their school doesn't
return full-time, in any case, just now, much of the revision will have been organised by yourselves for the past few months, anyway.

Would it be possible to move house to a nearby area where there is a small secondary school perhaps in a quieter setting, and one which you like? I realise that this might sound like an extreme solution. However, it feels like the school issue is going to be affecting your choices for some years, since you have two children who are going to be impacted. Would a move or a downsize free up some funds, or give you space for lodgers? I realise the eldest child would need to travel to their old school, but perhaps that would be feasible. By January 2021, the time when you would be planning to make changes, could your eldest child cope with managing their late revision in a new school? I suppose if their school doesn't
return full-time, in any case, just now, much of the revision will have been organised by yourselves for the past few months, anyway.

Would it be possible to move house to a nearby area where there is a small secondary school perhaps in a quieter setting, and one which you like? I realise that this might sound like an extreme solution. However, it feels like the school issue is going to be affecting your choices for some years, since you have two children who are going to be impacted. Would a move or a downsize free up some funds, or give you space for lodgers? I realise the eldest child would need to travel to their old school, but perhaps that would be feasible. By January 2021, the time when you would be planning to make changes, could your eldest child cope with managing their late revision in a new school? I suppose if their school doesn't
return full-time, in any case, just now, much of the revision will have been organised by yourselves for the past few months, anyway.

I’d wait to get the results from the hardship bursary application. The school I work at has helped a number of families recently with bursaries as they appreciate that financial situations have changed. Good luck - it’s a tough decision.

OP, if your son is bright and education is valued and encouraged at home then all the statistics suggest the type of school he attends will make very little difference to his final grades.

This is just nonsense I'm afraid @mojomoon. Children who attend private schools on average do better than those at state schools. That is not just due to the better teaching and smaller class sizes, but the environment these schools create.

Most D.C. at private schools either want to do well or are forced to do well by their parents. There is a culture of ambition and aiming high that is not found in many non-selective state schools.

There is a reason why many parents are quite happy to pay hundreds of thousands of pounds for better education.

I had to move my son out of private education at 12yrs old due to marital breakdown and lack of funds.

We were fortunate that the local state school had a good ofsted report, and despite my worries that he would be picked on, he thrived and got great gcse results.

We did have some behavioural issues, but this was more down to the emotional trauma of divorce/house moves etc, than struggling to fit in at school.

My son now says how much happier he was in the state sector as felt less pressurised, both socially and academically.

I also feel he has is far more adjusted to 'normal life' as he is now out of the private school 'bubble'!!!

We moved our son from a very well regarded private school to the local state school at age 13 (halfway through 8). Partly because we wasn’t impressed with the school in general for the fees we were paying and partly because he had lost his confidence there and wanted to go to the state school. Best decision we ever made. The state school has proved itself to be everything we could ever hope for in a school with fantastic, caring staff. Over a year on and he’s happier than ever, achieving more than he did before and has his confidence back. Always down to individual circumstances and child but private doesn’t always equal the best fit for a child anyway. I guess it would depend on how he would feel about it also?

I actually think pressure can be a really good thing in a school. Particularly for children who are lazy or easily led, they need to be surrounded by hard-working and ambitious fellow pupils to reach their potential.

Grammars are very similar- DS2 (Year 10) is quite naturally lazy but his work ethic has really improved since he started at the grammar. He now wants to do extra revision in order to beat his friends in exams.

@BostonCheers. UCL study last year suggests a "moderate" impact which suggests the same student would get AAA for A levels in private education would get AAB in state education.

It's not a massively great return if you have paid for 13 years of private school.

Especially if universities are aware of that so may look at students differently based on their schooling

Private school gets you much better sport, drama, music, extra curricular stuff and the chance to network with lots of useful parents for work experience or other advantages.

This is useful cultural capital and this is what you are paying for.

It just doesn't actually get you very much difference in your A level grades at the very end, adjusting for the poverty and other social factors.

That's why I say the son will likely see very little difference in his final grades if he does to state school.

But he may not get the cultural capital advantages that his current school provides.

Given the financial situation they are in, it particularly suggests that the cost of private education would not be worth it to maintain.

Do all you can to keep him at his current school. A similar situation happened in my family and I've seen the consequences. It's caused rifts between parents and child and seriously hurt the earning potential and confidence of the person affected. It's your business that's been impacted not your child's.

There is also a (perhaps controversial) LSE paper that looked at genetics and school attainment and suggested that private school resulted in a less that 1pc improvement in achievement for children with similar genetic markers

I would look at all the state options within reasonable distance. Even if they are schools you wouldn't stand any chance of a year 7 place in, it can be quite different for later years. If there is a place available where you live won't necessarily matter - well not unless others are also after it in which case I assume they apply the over subscription criteria .
My son's best friend was in an almost identical situation. He joined my son's class in year 8 from the nearby private school. He lives a very long way from our school and would never have got a place in year 7. I think he lives at least 5 or 6 miles further out than the next furthest pupil I have ever heard of getting a place. But obviously things change. By year 8 presumably at least one child had left and he happened to apply at the right time and got straight in. You won't know if you don't try, and you have nothing to lose by trying.
Nobody wants to upset their child or disrupt their education, but its sometimes unavoidable. I think you need to look a bit further ahead. Even if you find a way to pay the next lot of fees, can you keep it up? To avoid getting caught in the same situation with a child part way through an exam syllabus you need to be sure that you can definitely commit to paying til the end of year 11, or I would move now. Changing in year 9 would allow him the best part of a year to settle in and get to lnow what is available in the new school before choosing his GCSEs . Personally I think that would be easier than coming in at year 10 straight into GCSE syllabi in a new place, and if you ended up being forced to move him in year 11 it would be terribly difficult.
Good luck, I hope you find an acceptable solution.