To feel I failed by not making mum friends?

[Youreatragedystartingtohappen]

I hope I don't sound like a self pitying fool but I feel really quite sad that I don't have the "mum gang" of mates I envisioned when I found out I was pregnant.

We couldn't afford NCT and so I didn't meet people that way, I went back to work when DS was 8 months so DH could do shared parental leave. I went back full time as the higher earner and so I didn't get to carry on with the baby groups that I used during those first few months. I also didn't take to motherhood as I hoped I would and really struggled so maybe didn't use those groups as much as I should either.

Essentially I have a couple of friends who I've met but the vast majority are those I already had and who were brilliant during my pregnancy and after. AIBU to feel sad that I don't have mum friends to go for drinks with (in a post Covid world obviously!) and share stories of parenting with? Should I just be happy with those friends I already have and think maybe I'll make some when DC starts school? He has a childminder so I've not met parents that way. I'm wondering whether I should be happy that my son is happy and realise that being pregnant didn't automatically grant me a new set of friends, I think I just feel a bit disappointed when I see groups of mums in the parks with their kids not to have that myself.
Thanks!

@pumpkinp I had loads of mum friends at the children's old school, but none at their "new" one. The people just aren't that friendly and I haven't spoken to anyone I gel with.

Ive never understood the concept of "mum friends" it all seems a bit like yu are only friends coz you have kids. I want to be friends with people not with parents. By this I mean whether or not they have children.

I did NCT, they were all nice enough but there was no one I really clicked with. I did loads of classes with both my children, and made one very good mum friend, and one quite good mum friend, but they don’t know each other. I tried really hard as we’d moved after DD was born, so I chatted to people, asked people for coffee, had people round at ours etc. It’s really hard!

Noooo don’t worry! Once your DS is at school you will make friends. Best way is to either volunteer to be the class pta rep, organise drinks for reception parents or to do a whole class party and make sure the parents know they can stay for a cup of tea.

I don't think it's anything to be sad about, it was just a vision you had in your head of what motherhood would be and it's not quite turned out that way. And that's fine, I returned to work when my DS was 7 months (so I don't think 8 months was early to go back) and i never went to any classes at all, I'm too socially anxious to do it. None of my friends have kids, but I'm not bothered 🤷‍♀️

As someone who was part of a big new mum gang that started well but imploded when a bitchy message was sent to the wrong WhatsApp group...I'm a little wary of 'mum friends'. I do sometimes look at other female friends who seem to be part of big mum groups who go for prosecco dates...but I seem to work better with smaller groups, quality over quantity I guess. DD is now 5 and starting school (at which she will know no one) so I'm sad about the reality that some of these friendships won't last. But I suspect the ones that will last are those where the friendship was established before the babies came along. I hope.

It's hard to make new friends OP, especially when you're exhausted and adjusting to a new way of life. I spent the first year of DD's life permanently shattered, so I probably was rubbish company. I've done what I can to keep friendships going but have to accept some will fall by the wayside.

I do feel guilty about DS2 though. He spent his first year coming along to DD's playdates and doesn't really have many friends of his own..

@colourmeexhausted

I agree with you re quality Over quantity!

What was sent on the mums chat? Sounds quite spicy!