To be irritated by this

[Wearegoingtoneedabiggerboat]

DP is very much the introvert and at times can be socially awkward. He hates meeting new people and relies on me to arrange all most everything.
Before lockdown I always arranged days out and holidays. I would ask him where he wanted to go and he would just say I am happy with whatever. When we were out it was like dragging a reluctant teenager around, he never looks entirely happy and it often seems like we are rushing the day or holiday so he can get back home.
Since lockdown he has rarely left the house obviously other than work and the weekly shopping. Now that lockdown is lifting nothing has changed and when we get in from work on a Friday night he doesn’t leave the house till Monday morning for work again.
Most days are spent sitting on the sofa watching rubbish on the TV, he only seems to move to go to the toilet. He is not suffering from depression as he actually looks as happy as a pig in shit.
He once told me that he felt days out at weekends wasted the weekend. I worry about when the children leave home or when we retire. He often says he can’t wait to retire so we can go and visit places but I seriously doubt that would be the case.
Last weekend I got annoyed with him for not moving or going out. He told me not to be controlling and that he would never tell me what to do. He just says he enjoys chilling and relaxing
Is this normal is this what people do at weekends. When I told one of my work colleagues she said that sounds like my weekends and that she had spent the whole weekend catching up on soaps.
I am just frustrated and think what a waste but maybe I AIBU

Why does he have to do what you want to do?

I think this is a compatability issue rather than one of you being unreasonable. If he's a home-body and likes to spend his days off work relaxing at home that's not unreasonable. If you prefer to be and about in your spare time that's not unreasonable either. Either the two of you compromise so you spend some time going out as a family and some time relaxing at home each weekend or you go without him and leave him to do his thing. I wouldn't be happy with the latter as for me personally, part of the joy of being a family is going out and having experiences together but I certainly know couples who function that way and seem happy enough.

He’s not doing anything wrong. Neither are you. Well you kind of are if you try to force him to do what you want.

You’re just different. So you need to go and do your things and he needs to be able to sit and watch tv.

I had a couple of friends like this. She would call him boring as fuck and how it wasn’t ok for him to sit and watch the telly. She would insist he had to be doing shit. Every weekend they had to do something. If they didn’t she whinged. The marriage is over now. For many reasons but mainly they simply were not compatible.

I guess I just think he is wasting his life.

@Wearegoingtoneedabiggerboat

I guess I just think he is wasting his life.

Clearly he doesn’t.

You’re incompatible. He won’t change because he’s happy, and he doesn’t need to nor should he have to just to please you.

Definitely a compatibility thing. He’s not wrong. You’re not wrong. You just enjoy different ways to spend your free time.

I don't think he puts all the planning on you, you do it and he puts up with it going for you, but it's obviously not his element. I dont think either of you is 'wrong' . You are just different personalities. Try to compromise?

@Wearegoingtoneedabiggerboat

I guess I just think he is wasting his life.

He’s not wasting his life if he is happy. He’s wasting it if he goes and does stuff he doesn’t wish to just to make you happy.

I'm actually completely with you...my ex fiancé was exactly the same but I do agree it was a huge compatibility issue. Some people just want to be the guy next door and others are socialites and go getters

As PP have said-- you enjoy different things. Can you not do things without him? That would appear to be the solution. Maybe he'll feel he's missing out and want to go with you, again. Or maybe not.

He may not have the energy to feel motivated to go out. Some people prefer to recharge their batteries by doing nothing all weekend. It's just a more extreme version of some people wanting to sleep until noon while others are up at dawn so they don't "waste the day".

Give him a break. It’s not up to you to decide he’s wasting his life

This is the part:

He often says he can’t wait to retire so we can go and visit places but I seriously doubt that would be the case.

That I would want to discuss with him, in your shoes. What is stopping him visiting places now? And why does he think those reasons will change once he retires? His lifestyle would frustrate me too, OP.

You sound incompatible. You know what’s coming... time to decide whether that’s what you want for the rest of your life.

Having a quiet weekend every now and then is fine, but I am with you OP, I couldn’t stay at home all the time...

He once told me that he felt days out at weekends wasted the weekend. I worry about when the children leave home or when we retire.
You might need to start doing things without him OP and working out how you want YOUR retirement to look like. Book time away from him, when possible, with other adult family members or friends?

Maybe book a few days away with the children (how old are they) where you all can have a more relaxing time. If he'd like to come along to days with the children then great. If he'd prefer you went without him then that's his choice.

I'm unsure what your work situation is but, If it's possible, save separately into a retirement fund for yourself, over and above any pension you may already have to give yourself options if you decide you don't want to spend all your time on the sofa with him or dragging him apathetically around what was supposed to be a chilled vacation.

He's not wasting his life, this is annoying because it's like he's doing something wrong! no one is.
Your not suited.

We're homebodies. And I'm certainly not in any hurry to go on any big days out at the moment.

We're good for about two days out a month in normal times. We like unscheduled time just being at home together

Our friends joke we're like that David Bowie song. "I don't wanna go out. I wanna stay in. Get things done"

We cook, read the papers, potter in the garden, listen to music, play with the kids, play with the cats, do a box set, get bits and bobs done round the house. We might go for a walk in the woods, but not a get up at a specified tine, pack the car, drive for two hours type outing to a place that lots of other people have also visited today. Maybe it's an introvert thing. Or an old married people thing. Our children like to loll about with us as well. The very best thing about lockdown has been not having to get up and get out at the crack of dawn 5 days a week

How old is he?

I’m an introvert but also love going out for the day and exploring. I couldnt be with someone who didn’t want to do the same but he is also entitled to live as he wishes. One thing about being introverted is that social interactions and new situations can be extremely draining, maybe that is part of it? I work from home a lot so by the weekend I’m desperate to get out and have a change of scene. Is he at work all week rather than working from home?

I have this thing sometimes, where I like to do nothing at the weekend because doing something makes the weekend go too fast. I’m much more likely to do something on a Saturday if there’s a bank holiday Monday and I’m not “wasting a day off” before I have to be back at work again.

I know that sounds stupid to some people. But it’s just how I am. I can’t wait to retire because I can do whatever I like then and I’ll never run out of days off.

Basically, you wouldn’t want to be married to me either

We are both late forties and children are teenagers (still at school). We both work full time. My problem is I get bored easily and can’t spend long watching the T.V. I know it sounds controlling but I just can’t get my head around spending the whole weekend (every weekend) sat in front of the T.V. Is that really what people do.

Last weekend I got annoyed with him for not moving or going out. He told me not to be controlling and that he would never tell me what to do. He just says he enjoys chilling and relaxing

I'm with him. Stop telling him what to do. You enjoy different things, that's allowed. Either you work towards a compromise you're both happy with, or you realise that you're too different and go your separate ways.

sounds as though you need to learn to do things on your own

@Wearegoingtoneedabiggerboat

We are both late forties and children are teenagers (still at school). We both work full time. My problem is I get bored easily and can’t spend long watching the T.V. I know it sounds controlling but I just can’t get my head around spending the whole weekend (every weekend) sat in front of the T.V. Is that really what people do.

You actually sound snobby here

He is enjoying his time off work in a way he enjoys it.

I do the same

You have your way of enjoying your time off in your way. Don’t force him to do it your way

Don’t you have hobbies, OP? Get a dog! I resent being told I need to go for a walk or something. I walk the dogs, I slouch at weekends, then I go and do the horse. If I were made to do more, I’d be very resentful. I work full time, I don’t want to be forced to enjoy myself doing something considered worthy by my dh, although I’ll happily do whatever he wants if he wants to do days out etc. Most weekends, tho, I’m happy to achieve bugger all bar a snooze in front of crap TV.

You need to go and do what you need to do and let him do the same.
You don't always have to be doing the same things, you clearly have different needs.
He's not wasting his life, he's living it in the way that he enjoys.