I donated to a just giving my husband think I am BU

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Please help explain where and how this is unreasonable!

We live in a small village, in that village a young girl died recently in an accident on a farm.

Her family are not well off at all. A family friend setup a just giving page to raise money to pay for her funeral and possibly give some to the family.

She was very well known and much loved but I didn't know her personally. I donated a sum of money not a lot just about the average and my husband thinks it's weird and ridiculous I did this as I didn't know the girl.

My opinion is she was part of our village a well loved member her family are struggling with enough and if this makes the days a head the slightest bit easier then I'm more to happy to give.

Dh said I shouldn't have gave the money I didn't know her personally.

Whilst the free funerals are helpful they don’t include any of the extras a family might reasonably want: flowers, catering, headstone etc.

It may well be that the family we’re consulted prior to the page being set up, it could indeed be awkward if they weren’t.

Anyway I vote YANBU because it’s your money and you can spend it on whatever you like. Especially when giving charitably.

It just sounds like he think charity begins at
"home" aka with people he knows. I don't think that's glory hunting like another pp suggested,

Has this caused a row?
Is he seeking to financially control and abuse you?
If not, move past it

I agree WhereYouLeftIt that's what I was trying to say but you've explained it better!

It's likely dh thinks it's ridiculous to give without any recognition or gain for himself.

You've done what you felt right.your husband doesn't agree, it doesn't mean either of you are wrong, just a difference in opinions. For me, I would never give for a funeral as these are not important to me, however I am aware not a widespread opinion. You did what you felt right, so own it

I see your point sleeping but The proverb "Charity begins at home" doesn't actually mean help only your family and friends or prioritise them over helping others. The original meaning is that charity is learnt at home i.e. children learn charity at home; from the charitable actions of those around them.

Sorry to be pedantic but that phrase is nearly always misused.

Anything like that in our village we give make a point of it,

Yes I don't think your dh can dictate who is or isn't more worthy of your charity. He should respect your decision.
After that's been explained to him, move on and don't dwell on it.

So he only helps people he knows?

He's never picked something up a stranger dropped? Never held a door open for someone? Never been at a till where someone was 20p short and offered to give them the 20p needed? Never pulled over to help someone broken down? Never given to charity? Never tipped a server in a restaurant or bar?

Unless you need the money for bills/groceries/kids he is being unreasonable

Who and what you give to is your own affair. The advice not to let your right hand know what your left hand is doing applies. Of course, if the gift came out of a joint account, you're rumbled!

But your DH needs to be reminded that you are an autonomous individual who makes her own decisions and that these are not open to dissection by or criticism from anyone, even him. 😉

[quote outofstock]@sobeyondthehills I don't think so the average donation was £28. I donated £30

I think he would have just said if he thought that[/quote]
YANBU - £30 is reasonable if you can afford to lose it in exchange for helping a local family during this difficult time. Your husband is BU and really silly for making you feel like you have done something wrong.

I think you were reasonable in what you did and others did too.

I understand a concern about vicarious grieving and so-called 'grief tourism', or some of the mourning over well-known people. This however, is nothing of the sort.

I'm with your DH in that I wouldn't give to that particular cause myself. Funerals can cost as much or as little as you want, and I think expensive ones are a waste of money (appreciate some will disagree with this). These sorts of just giving pages are also known for sometimes being scams, pps have given some examples above.

But neither were you in the wrong for giving, it's not like you donated to a warlord or something. You should each spend your share of the spending money how you like, including donating to whichever charitable cause you want. It sounds like you are both very charitable in slightly different ways.

Lots of people wouldn't have life insurance cover on their DC.

Well no, because life insurance is for the earners in the family, to cover the loss in income if they die.

It's neither here nor there whether this family can afford to pay for a funeral or if the cost is waived for children (?)

The village community are all shocked by the horrific accident and want to help or show they care. It's very common for small rural districts to come together and gather a collection in situations like this.
Perhaps the family are farmers in which case their livelihood will be impacted by taking time off to grieve. The money can be used as they wish.

A teenage girl from our village died a few years ago in a car accident and lots of residents donated money for the family. Her sister chose to pay for a memorial bench for her and the parents were able to buy a headstone.

@SmileyClare

I see your point sleeping but The proverb "Charity begins at home" doesn't actually mean help only your family and friends or prioritise them over helping others. The original meaning is that charity is learnt at home i.e. children learn charity at home; from the charitable actions of those around them.

Sorry to be pedantic but that phrase is nearly always misused.

OK I'll take the correction

You did the right thing.
Tho it is Corning to see so many pages wanting money, sad fact some need to.cosmetic stuff a def no tho