Baby’s bedtime

[CursesAndMagic]

My 11 month old is fab self settling most of the time but quickly turns into a little terror that can take up to 3 hours to get down if she’s overtired. If she has good naps and a good bedtime she’s fine no problem. Overtired she fights it battles is clingy wont stay still and wakes at night often for long periods. I try my best not to get to this point.

My mother is very opinionated and often uses the silent treatment when something doesn’t go her way because she raised her kids the best way and that’s the way everyone should. We are close and I love her don’t get me wrong.

She’s having a small family gathering tomorrow with 6 of us in total in the garden and she’s starting it at 6 because that’s what time she’s decided. She expects me
To keep the baby there until late because at her age she can sleep in the pram and should work around me. AIBU to put my babies sleep needs first and leave at a reasonable time for her bed? She’s usually in bed between 7-7:30 and I don’t wanna go over this. She will not nap in the pram and I’m
Not keeping her up for the sake of working around me - I should work around her.

For a big event like a wedding etc I would think you were being a bit precious.

For a gathering that could literally happen any time of the day yadnbu!

Will your mum help entertain an overtired baby and let you enjoy yourself? Or will she expect you to keep baby quiet while adults have fun and you get annoyed? But I wouldn't bother for a small event, we really paid the next day if my DS1 was kept up and family members who encouraged it were never around then... DS2 was different, he would sleep in pram/on laps/under tables!

At 11 months I was pretty rigid about bedtime, which was 7pm. My DD wouldnt sleep anywhere except in her own bed or she would nap in the car. She certainly wouldnt have slept in a pram at 11 months, or on me. For a wedding I would throw bedtime out the door, but for a small get together in a garden I would have her home for bed at 8:30 latest. You are Mum, so you make the decisions for your kid. Your Mum wont have to deal with the consequences later that night or the next day.

@TooMinty

Will your mum help entertain an overtired baby and let you enjoy yourself? Or will she expect you to keep baby quiet while adults have fun and you get annoyed? But I wouldn't bother for a small event, we really paid the next day if my DS1 was kept up and family members who encouraged it were never around then... DS2 was different, he would sleep in pram/on laps/under tables!

Nailed it. It'll be you expected to keep your baby quiet so everyone else can enjoy themselves.

For an everyday gathering, put your baby's needs first. I might be pfb but in this situation I'd put their need to sleep above any adult need for a party. I might be slightly bitter about one too many occasions where DS is wheeled out as a party piece. One off occasions are obviously a bit different.

I think fixed routines are silly for babies, they should fit around you and not the other way around. I’ve been determined from the get go that mine can sleep anywhere.

We have a vague schedule when at home in lockdown because there is sod all else to do but ordinarily she sleeps when she sleeps.

I’m with your Mother, it’s one night, it won’t hurt.

There’s no way I’d even be entertaining the idea. It’s just not fair on the child, as they don’t understand that they can’t go to bed.

Not to mention, surely it’s not worth your own stress and unhappiness at a family event when dealing with the consequences of an overtired child.

No way. We sleep trained our kid at 4.5 months, it was bloody painful but he now sleeps well - but only in his cot or travel cot. So I wouldn’t deviate from that.

Would a travel cot at a bedroom in your mum’s place work (if you have one). Bit of a faff but I brought my travel cot to my auntie’s place earlier this week and my son had his lunchtime nap in it, no bother.

Exactly as PP have said, your mother isn’t going to be dealing with a cranky overtired baby at night and most likely the next day.

I would say no, DD is 11 months and she would raise hell if kept up that late - nobody would be having a good time!

@Megan2018

You do you. I love a routine. We’re all different.

My last had a very strict bedtime at that age and I would leave gatherings so we were home in time for bed. So no you are not being unreasonable at all. Its all about what's best for your dd and for you

YANBU one of my kids is like this. People dont always understand it but I assure you it's not my parenting since my other kid just copes better despite exactly the same treatment.

When is it happening? In the world pre lockdown I would have stayed over and put my child to bed at normal bedtime in a travel cot.

@Megan2018

I think fixed routines are silly for babies, they should fit around you and not the other way around. I’ve been determined from the get go that mine can sleep anywhere.

We have a vague schedule when at home in lockdown because there is sod all else to do but ordinarily she sleeps when she sleeps.

I’m with your Mother, it’s one night, it won’t hurt.

HAHAHAHA you clearly have not met my child. I tried that idea of 'she can work around me'. What I got was constant blood curdling screaming in cafes, people's houses, restaurants, my in-laws, because she was knackered and I just ended up rocking her, getting nowhere, and then taking her home. She just blankly refused to sleep anywhere except her bed from about 3 months. She would stay awake no matter what I did. Some kids like routine. Some do fine without one.

@Piglet89 Quite. I think sleep training is hideous and wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole!

I’ve been determined from the get go that mine can sleep anywhere

Lol. I was too. DD is alright, copes with the odd disruption, will sleep in pram etc
DS was having none of it, the kid needs routine like I need oxygen. You got lucky with your kid, you could have another that it simply doesn't suit.

@Megan2018 is fishing for a bite this evening!

Your mum is right, enjoy the last couple of years where sleeping in the pushchair is an option. Don't let kids dictate to you

@Megan2018 surely if you're anti-sleep training, that's the complete opposite of making the baby work around you!? You're then completely at the whim of the baby.

Megan2018
Wtf has sleep training to do with it? DS didnt need training he slept like a legend from day 1. Some children have a strong body clock and my son does. My MiL once made me keep him up..... she apologised to me 30 mins later .

Nooooooooope.

I have the same kind of little one, who's now 16 months but still exactly the same with her routines. Tell your mother to jog on. It's really not worth the days of backlash you'd get.

enjoy the last couple of years where sleeping in the pushchair is an option

Except for some kids it's not an option. Jeez, its not rocket science. Kids are all different!

The OP has said she doesn’t want her baby to sleep in a pram- that’s her choice. Some babes simply will not sleep in a pram - mine wouldn’t without screaming for hours then passing out with exhaustion, sorry I wouldn’t be willing to do that because my mother says so.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland The PP quoting me mentioned sleep training!! Try reading the thread....

@okiedokieme

Your mum is right, enjoy the last couple of years where sleeping in the pushchair is an option. Don't let kids dictate to you

Sleeping in a pushchair was an absolute no for my eldest. Too nosy, it never happened no matter how many times we tried.

Second child was fine with it from the get go.

So it’s not always an option.

Hahha @Megan2018 LOLZ.

I give you my kid and I see you googling those sleep consultant contact deets within days, pal.

@Megan2018 Doesn’t sleep train, doesn’t let her kids dictate her life or disrupt her routine..

Why don’t you enlighten us oh holy grail of motherhood of what we should be doing?

Honestly everyone parents differently, every baby is different - anyone with kids should know that!