Baby’s bedtime

[CursesAndMagic]

My 11 month old is fab self settling most of the time but quickly turns into a little terror that can take up to 3 hours to get down if she’s overtired. If she has good naps and a good bedtime she’s fine no problem. Overtired she fights it battles is clingy wont stay still and wakes at night often for long periods. I try my best not to get to this point.

My mother is very opinionated and often uses the silent treatment when something doesn’t go her way because she raised her kids the best way and that’s the way everyone should. We are close and I love her don’t get me wrong.

She’s having a small family gathering tomorrow with 6 of us in total in the garden and she’s starting it at 6 because that’s what time she’s decided. She expects me
To keep the baby there until late because at her age she can sleep in the pram and should work around me. AIBU to put my babies sleep needs first and leave at a reasonable time for her bed? She’s usually in bed between 7-7:30 and I don’t wanna go over this. She will not nap in the pram and I’m
Not keeping her up for the sake of working around me - I should work around her.

Im 100% with you on this.
My first son put himself in a routine when very young and would sleep through like a dream.
Delay his bedtime by an hour and omg we knew about it. He would cry for hours, wake during the night and generally be restless for at least a week. He would be so unhappy.

This wasnt us being precious about our baby sleeping. This was a baby that needed routine.

We had all the comments and sulks as you are, let them get on with it and whinge if they're petty enough to. You're this little girl's parents and you should put her needs first. Shes told you what she needs and she has to rely on you to provide it. Your mum needs to grow up and get over herself.

My son is now 23 and still needs routine. I dont make plans, a day out will happen when i get dressed which will be when i can be bothered. He will ask me 20 times what time we are leaving and be sitting on the sofa in his jacket ready to go while im still in bed lol.

Sleep needs trump DM's dinner party.
When they get older, they can tolerate a change in routine better. Work around her for now.
DM can tantrum all she wants. Enjoy the quiet!

When DS1 was nearly 2 we went to a wedding. I told him he could stay up as late as he wanted because it was a special occasion. He took my hand and led me back to the hotel room at 7:30pm exactly!

I think it sounds like you don't want to stay so then it makes sense not to take her home and not make hassle for something you don't seem that interested in. But I do agree with an earlier poster that really rigid routines like this aren't great in the long term for babies, same for babies who have to be in their cot cannot have any noise etc as it only gets worse as they get older. Having said that I appreciate all babies are different so you know better what works for you.

My DS is 11 months, he has his own routine which I'm mindful of and work around that. If he's disrupted by something, there's no fall out the next day but he will turn into an air raid siren until he can go back to sleep and I don't want him in that kind of distress if I can avoid it.

YANBU

The bottom line is, your Mum can't control how you want to parent. You have every right to say no and not feel bad about it.

OP, you know what suits your baby& your family.

It's fine to do what keeps your baby & family happy and well rested.

Thanks for all your replies. Most very helpful :) it’s not that I only want her to sleep in her cot. She only will sleep in the cot. We’ve had ups and downs possible cows milk allergy that wasn’t addressed until 6 months and only recently has got over her feeding aversion with some gentle help but her naps and sleeps these past few weeks my lord. They’ve been terrible if I’m a minute over the awake time she can tolerate. I’ll be bringing her home to bed she’s only going to be sitting around my mums anyway. She won’t sleep there. She comes first. My mums annoyed at me now anyway for saying I’m not staying long. Offered to go earlier but that’s a problem too.

Stick to your guns. If she really wanted to spend more time with you she'd start it earlier or let you come round before.

If she honestly won't sleep then take her home. An hour and a half is well enough time anyway. The transmission that was one of the first that happened in Wuhan was around 73 minutes, so use that if you have to.

You should do what suits your lifestyle. We've been lucky that our babies were flexible. We go on a lot of trips, family sleep overs etc etc.

My DS is 2.5yrs and he was exactly the same. Needed a routine and would only sleep in his cot and that is still the case. Go over bedtime and he gets extremely upset and takes ages to go to sleep.
I always put him first and it did cause problems with many of my family members. (My sister's children would sleep anywhere, so obviously I was a shit mum)
Don't speak to them anymore, funnily enough.

She’s called a few times today being really funny with me
On the phone. Really needs to grow up.

That's so hard. She should have a little more understanding for you. She cant just throw a strop when things have to work around her grandchild a bit.

Well done for sticking to your guns! I know how hard it is to do that when parents or PIL push you other ways. It takes a lot of confidence to say 'no. This isnt how I am going to do things'. She just needs to grow up to be honest.

When she calls you and starts talking about change the subject as you have already made your decision.

It’s the usual really she says to me what I should be doing. Baby should work around me. I said a few weeks ago she was having trouble going for nap and sleeps and she said oh keep her up she isn’t tired and I said she is tired she’s overtired that’s why she’s fighting it and I said she’s in a leap. She doesn’t believe in leaps how can babies be in a leap at the same age if all babies are different. She’s awful with that really. Always gotta be right. I know my baby better than anyone. I know her routine and what works and how badly the routine being messed up affects her so I’m not willing to do it for my mums wishes really. She’s gonna have to deal with it. As well as this baby constantly tries to get all sorts of fireplace shelves tables at her house and instead of moving them she says no to baby who obviously doesn’t listen so my evening will be stopping baby from destroying the place if I stay longer she will be overtired and cranky and a nightmare to get to bed when home.

People will always have their opinions and some Grandparents like to voice theirs. People think their own kids and their way of doing things is the beat way and the only way. My MIL is the same. My own mother only doesnt do it because she lives abroad so she doesnt see anything.

If it is really getting to you have you tried the odd comment of "my baby, my way" or something similar? I did this for MIL for a while and she got the idea. My MIL also decided she would take my DD out one day to visit a relative (I.e. show her off like a doll) and skip her nap. She apparently didnt need one. She came back after 3 hours a frazzled mess. My DD had just screamed in the face of the relative for an hour solid. She suddenly stopped saying that I was making my baby a 'robot' by 'forcing her into a routine'.