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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Baby and sun exposure.

49 replies

user1488481370 · 26/06/2020 09:46

My youngest DD (13 months) was outside yesterday for half an hour from 8-8:30 on a blanket, in our garden, in the shade. My eldest DD (10) was sat with her barring 3 minutes when she went to the toilet. I was stood 10-15 feet away at all times at the sink doing some washing up where I had a very clear view of them both. The sun wasn’t right round the front of our garden by this point and youngest DD had a nappy and sun hat with a brim and flaps to protect the neck and ears on, she had also been absolutely slathered in factor 50+ sunblock before going outside. I kept her inside for the duration of midday (11-3) she napped from 12:30-14:30.

My mum came around at approx 16:30, she watched me slather youngest DD in sunblock all over her body again shortly before we ventured outside into our garden again, yet again the sun had moved out of shot, DD was in the shade with a sun hat and nappy on.

SIL who lives next door storms into our garden (we don’t get on - that’s a whole other thread) addresses my mother about my DD and starts to lecture on how she should have a T-shirt on. I was quite defensive at this point, she started spouting off about when she did a midwifery degree (she didn’t finish it) I explained that I’d kept her indoors and cool out of the midday sun. She’d had an hour of outside time tops and as far as I was concerned, had adequate shade and protection for the conditions.
This was purely divisive to try and show me up in front of my mum.

She then went on to tell my mum how I had left my youngest DD on her own, outside for half an hour in the morning which was a lie. She then went on to say that she had photos of my youngest on her own outside and she was going to report me to SS. Eldest DD had gone to the toilet, I had sat outside on the patio keeping a close eye on youngest DD (middle DD was doing her homeschooling so I was close enough to answer any
questions but only 6 feet away from DD at this point) she’s obviously taken a photo and either avoided catching me in it or cropped me out.

She must’ve literally sat and watched my children until DD was left ‘on her own’.
This has really rattled me. It’s been one thing after another recently but if she’s been so concerned why didn’t she come out and say something while spying on my children in the morning? Why wait until my mum was there? If I ever have my children out in the midday sun, they’re always covered up in a loose fitting t shirt. I’ve got three children ages ranging from 10-1 and thus far, none of them have ever been sun burnt.
SIL is very malicious and lied several times to my mum yesterday. It makes me worry about what else she’s photographed and misconstrued as the truth.

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 26/06/2020 09:50

Move house.
Sounds drastic but you can't live next door to SIL.

Bluebird3456 · 26/06/2020 09:50

What is she 7? Telling tales to mummy? Ignore her! Oh and tell her to get out if she storms into your garden again.

AnotherEmma · 26/06/2020 09:51

(In the meantime, put up the tallest fence you can, I believe 6ft is the maximum allowed.)

Bluebird3456 · 26/06/2020 09:55

^ agree, or get a gazebo so she can't see

Sailingblue · 26/06/2020 09:57

You need to move as you can’t be living like this. But, she might have seen a baby alone in the garden and even if only for a few minutes while the 10yo went to the loo, that would have looked a bit risky.

user1488481370 · 26/06/2020 09:59

She’d have seen me sat on the patio near DD. There’s no way she couldn’t have seen me but I get the feeling she’s been watching for much longer than a couple of minutes.

Yes, we do need to move. I agree.

OP posts:
user1488481370 · 26/06/2020 10:00

@Bluebird3456 we actually ordered a gazebo last night which she will no doubt also complain about!

OP posts:
Camomila · 26/06/2020 10:02

Get a big fence...probably cheaper than moving house!

Caspianberg · 26/06/2020 10:04

She sounds unhinged.

My baby is currently snoozing in his pram in the garden. He's right outside the door, door open and I am inside about 2m from him sitting at my desk. I can see him fine, but if anyone looked into garden it would look like he was outside alone i think.

crispysausagerolls · 26/06/2020 10:05

It’s none of her business but she wouldn’t have seen you inside at the sink washing up.

Also I think YABU for having them outside at all yesterday. It was fucking boiling, even in the shade at those times.

Destroyedpeople · 26/06/2020 10:05

Put a massive fence up. Or move. Nobody can live like that x

user1488481370 · 26/06/2020 10:11

@Caspianberg yes similarly to us yesterday. She’s still a lovely shade of white this morning so was evidently adequately protected from the sun! I was sat in the patio when DD went for a wee so there’s no way SIL wouldn’t have seen me with youngest DD. She could’ve easily cropped a photograph or left me out of it though.

@crispysausagerolls yes it was very hot but midday exposure was completely avoided. It was shady with a cool breeze and it seems a shame to have to keep them inside all day. I let her out when I felt it was safe to do so and she isn’t burnt in anyway shape or form this morning.

OP posts:
user1488481370 · 26/06/2020 10:14

I like the fence idea. And a padlocked gate!

OP posts:
crispysausagerolls · 26/06/2020 10:14

Does your SIL have children?

TinyPigeon · 26/06/2020 10:14

She sounds like a fuckin psycho. Is she your DH sister?

MsMonkey · 26/06/2020 10:17

Move, and plant some Japanese knotweed in her garden before you go so she can't follow you.

user1488481370 · 26/06/2020 10:23

@crispysausagerolls no, she doesn’t.

@TinyPigeon she’s OH’s brother’s partner.

@MsMonkey 😂 excellent!

OP posts:
crispysausagerolls · 26/06/2020 10:31

I thought not. Might be a mixture of jealousy if she wants them and doesn’t have them yet, or just the classical “the best parent is someone with no children” thing.

PreggoFeminist86 · 26/06/2020 10:31

She sounds fucking deranged.

Don't let her in your home anymore, and tell her that you will be letting the Police know that she is illegally taking photographs of your children on your property. I'm sure that SS would be much more interested in that than in a your DD having some safe, supervised time outside on a sunny day.

PS: don't let her get in your head ...I can hear that you're feeling the need to defend yourself, when it doesn't sound like you have done anything even slightly wrong. Fuck her.

user1488481370 · 26/06/2020 10:35

@crispysausagerolls she doesn’t particularly like children. When I first met her - over 8 years ago now, she told me how 2 boyfriends had left her because they wanted children and she didn’t. She’s in her fifties now. Although what you’re saying could be the case, she has openly admitted to several people her general dislike of children.
There’s history between my partner and his brother, they don’t get on, everything they do/say is divisive, game playing and a wind up. We keep our heads down.

OP posts:
user1488481370 · 26/06/2020 10:37

@PreggoFeminist86 yes she’s definitely gotten into my head I’m afraid. But it’s hit a nerve. She was accusing me of neglect and putting my little baby in harms way.

I feel incredibly vulnerable in my home right now. And, yes, when you put it like that it can easily be turned back onto her. I don’t want to drip feed but long and short of it is that she wants us out.

OP posts:
QuantamBaby · 26/06/2020 10:42

If your partner and his brother don't get on how on Earth did you end up living next door to each other?

She sounds deranged - I agree with the suggestions to keep your distance and put up a fence and look to move house!

Tink2007 · 26/06/2020 10:46

Ask her to see this photo (I assume it was with an iPhone or the like so will have a time stamp) as you would like to match it up with the CCTV footage from your small Ring device ready to show SS and the police that there is something quite wrong with her.

AlexandPea · 26/06/2020 10:50

Isn’t it illegal to photograph other people’s children playing in their own garden? If sounds like a massive breach of privacy. If it isn’t, it should be.

blanche85 · 26/06/2020 10:52

@crispysausagerolls

It’s none of her business but she wouldn’t have seen you inside at the sink washing up.

Also I think YABU for having them outside at all yesterday. It was fucking boiling, even in the shade at those times.

This is nonsense. If you take the necessary precautions,as the OP clearly did,there's absolutely no need or sense to keep them in all day.
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