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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Baby and sun exposure.

49 replies

user1488481370 · 26/06/2020 09:46

My youngest DD (13 months) was outside yesterday for half an hour from 8-8:30 on a blanket, in our garden, in the shade. My eldest DD (10) was sat with her barring 3 minutes when she went to the toilet. I was stood 10-15 feet away at all times at the sink doing some washing up where I had a very clear view of them both. The sun wasn’t right round the front of our garden by this point and youngest DD had a nappy and sun hat with a brim and flaps to protect the neck and ears on, she had also been absolutely slathered in factor 50+ sunblock before going outside. I kept her inside for the duration of midday (11-3) she napped from 12:30-14:30.

My mum came around at approx 16:30, she watched me slather youngest DD in sunblock all over her body again shortly before we ventured outside into our garden again, yet again the sun had moved out of shot, DD was in the shade with a sun hat and nappy on.

SIL who lives next door storms into our garden (we don’t get on - that’s a whole other thread) addresses my mother about my DD and starts to lecture on how she should have a T-shirt on. I was quite defensive at this point, she started spouting off about when she did a midwifery degree (she didn’t finish it) I explained that I’d kept her indoors and cool out of the midday sun. She’d had an hour of outside time tops and as far as I was concerned, had adequate shade and protection for the conditions.
This was purely divisive to try and show me up in front of my mum.

She then went on to tell my mum how I had left my youngest DD on her own, outside for half an hour in the morning which was a lie. She then went on to say that she had photos of my youngest on her own outside and she was going to report me to SS. Eldest DD had gone to the toilet, I had sat outside on the patio keeping a close eye on youngest DD (middle DD was doing her homeschooling so I was close enough to answer any
questions but only 6 feet away from DD at this point) she’s obviously taken a photo and either avoided catching me in it or cropped me out.

She must’ve literally sat and watched my children until DD was left ‘on her own’.
This has really rattled me. It’s been one thing after another recently but if she’s been so concerned why didn’t she come out and say something while spying on my children in the morning? Why wait until my mum was there? If I ever have my children out in the midday sun, they’re always covered up in a loose fitting t shirt. I’ve got three children ages ranging from 10-1 and thus far, none of them have ever been sun burnt.
SIL is very malicious and lied several times to my mum yesterday. It makes me worry about what else she’s photographed and misconstrued as the truth.

OP posts:
nannyplumsmagranny · 26/06/2020 10:52

My dd was out in a nappy, slathered in sun cream and no hat yesterday. She played in the sun and the shade all day. She's fine.

You need to move house. Your sister in law is a dick.

showmethegin · 26/06/2020 10:54

@crispysausagerolls

It’s none of her business but she wouldn’t have seen you inside at the sink washing up.

Also I think YABU for having them outside at all yesterday. It was fucking boiling, even in the shade at those times.

How do you think kids in hot countries survive? She was in the shade, and protected by sun cream and suitable clothing
Pinkblueberry · 26/06/2020 10:57

I would cut ties with her at this point. Someone like that wouldn’t be welcome around my house and I sure as hell wouldn’t want her near my kids. She sounds completely deranged.

Outnumbered99 · 26/06/2020 10:58

Your SIL is batshit. I hope your mum put her in her place

TheMandalorian · 26/06/2020 11:01

Make a big sign saying 'piss off nosy cow' and hang it in your garden so sil can't see into your garden.
What a weirdo. Why on earth would SS be interested or even have time to look at a picture of a baby sat in the garden?
What did your mum say to her?

crazychemist · 26/06/2020 11:02

Yeesh, she sounds bonkers. Let her report you to SS, at absolute most they will pop round and see that you have 3 happy and healthy children. It might be annoying, but you have nothing to hide and SS don’t have so much free time that they are going to harangue you for a spurious complaint!

BIG fence. Tell her it’s to reduce the noise of your DC so they don’t disturb her now they’re home so much of the time. Gazebo also sounds like a good, idea, gives you privacy from view from upstairs windows.

If you feel confident enough, remind her that to take photos of someone else’s children while in a private space is an invasion of their privacy. Under GDPR, you have the right to ask to see and delete any/all photos she has taken of your child without consent.

Just keep shutting her down, she’ll eventually get bored.

tmh88 · 26/06/2020 11:03

God this must be horrible to live next to! I would constantly feel in fear of her! Think your best option would be to move house.

Pinkblueberry · 26/06/2020 11:05

Also I think YABU for having them outside at all yesterday. It was fucking boiling, even in the shade at those times.

Not the first time I’ve heard this on MN in the past few days... I feel so sorry for all these children who’ve spent the past few days stuck indoors because their parents believe they’ll get heatstroke in the shade when it’s 28 degrees. The children who manage to survive their annual summer holidays to Spain must be superhuman Hmm or do people actually pay thousands of pounds go abroad and stay indoors??

GotOutOfBedOnTheWrongSide · 26/06/2020 11:11

You really need to move (I know it's not as simple as that but it does need to be your long term goal).

You took all of the right precautions and have managed to raise two other children without sun incidents. Just say 'thanks for your concern goodbye' next time she trys it.

What did your mum say about it?

user1488481370 · 26/06/2020 11:24

It’s really difficult. OH is a farmer. As with many farming families, the in laws live round and about. To further complicate things when MIL died she left a quarter of the land, each house and each agricultural building to 4 people, including OH, BIL, SIL (who is fucking awesome and also lives on site) and OH’s nephew. OH can’t even get his money out. But that’s a whole other thread! But I just wanted to give folks a general idea of the logistics.

My mum was very polite about it all but defended me. She only came out because my mum was there, she barely spoke to me, just tried to same me, over exaggerating and being ‘nice but bitchy’ if you follow my meaning.

I’ll keep on keeping my head down. I only defend myself when I really have to.

OP posts:
IwishIhadaMargarita · 26/06/2020 11:36

Put it a fence with no gaps. Keep her out x

Carandi · 26/06/2020 11:51

Tall fence or cantilevered garden parasol, nicely adjusted so she can't see your child.

Consider telling her that if she's going to make malicious unfounded reports to SS about you being neglectful, then you may consider making similar reports about her being a paedo as she's photographing your child on private property without your permission (obv not really but seriously she should mind her own business).

IwishIhadaMargarita · 26/06/2020 11:55

Tell her to report you but you will sue for harassment and defamation. Also if she sets foot on your property or photographs it without mission you’ll get her done for trespass. Get angry and bat it back!

BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup · 26/06/2020 12:00

Tall fence with trellis on top and plant things that grow along the trellis. Though would be better if you have the space to grow a nice high hedge.

Tfoot75 · 26/06/2020 12:14

She sounds totally over the top. I wouldn't personally put sun cream on for exposure at either 8am or 4.30pm BTW, these are safe times for sun exposure and children need exposure to the sun without sunscreen to absorb vitamin D.

Camomila · 26/06/2020 12:27

Also I think YABU for having them outside at all yesterday. It was fucking boiling, even in the shade at those times.

Depends where you live surely, it was 27 degrees outdoors and 29 degrees indoors for me yesterday evening.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/06/2020 12:43

@crispysausagerolls

It’s none of her business but she wouldn’t have seen you inside at the sink washing up.

Also I think YABU for having them outside at all yesterday. It was fucking boiling, even in the shade at those times.

If they're in the shade, it's probably cooler than lots of houses
Alexandernevermind · 26/06/2020 12:45

Go to the police op. She is breaking the law.

whatswithtodaytoday · 26/06/2020 12:49

Why on earth would you keep children inside on hot days? It was lovely and cool in the shade in our garden yesterday. Boiling in the house.

Jessbow · 26/06/2020 13:22

I remember my old Mum shedding tears when my dad ciut dow the plum tree at the bottom of the garden ( Big garden!)

Why?

''Its was the tree I used to put your pram out under, far enough away that I couldnt hear you grizzle''

How the world has changed.

Crack on, ignore the silly woman.

Skyeshovercraft · 26/06/2020 13:57

Oh lord, she would hate me. My 3yo and 1yo were in the garden naked except swimming nappies yesterday, as they were in and out of paddling pool. They had poncho swim cover things and were slathered in factor 50 every hour (when we went in for ice lollies) have you asked what her care regime is in this weather? How are her kids and pets coping?

crispysausagerolls · 26/06/2020 14:35

@Camomila

It’s a good point. It was 32ish outside here yesterday and we have cold flagstone inside So everyone’s situation is a bit different!

PinkDaffodil2 · 26/06/2020 15:23

30 degrees outside today. 32 degrees in the flat despite black out blinds, damp bedding hung over windows, fans blowing over ice. Me and my one year old have spent most of the day in the park in the shade where there’s a breeze!

user1488481370 · 26/06/2020 16:17

We’re up north and it was 23 degrees tops here yesterday, much less in the shade. Our house is stone built so pretty cool inside and DD sleeps in her room which is also nice and cool but it was just nice to get out in the sun with her for a little while yesterday. I’m 18 weeks pregnant so not wanting to spend too much time in the sun myself. We’ve been for a walk in the woods today and it was the coolest I’ve been all week! Put DD in a T-shirt as we were out in the midday sun today (albeit sheltered) she has ended up with heat rash from where it was rubbing on her and kept pulling it up over her head because she wanted it off!

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